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Song Parodies -> "Be Our Guest"

Original Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Original Performer:

Disney (Beauty and the Beast)

Parody Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Parody Written by:

Paul Morton

The Lyrics

Martha Stewart has finally gone to prison for her insider trading incident, and she is surprised to find the warden is Lumier from Beauty and the Beast. Her initial interview during processing into the prison went something like this.
Be our guest, be our guest,
Put the system to the test.
You've been trading on the inside, dear,
Now you're under arrest.
Soup du jour, hot hors d'overs
You can make them when you serve
Prison time for indiscretions,
By the way, dear, did we mention
You can sew, you can cook.
"Can I change the prison's look?"
If it's all in perfect taste, why, yes, you bet.
The other wardens covet,
But you're here, we love it.
Be our guest, be our guest, be our guest.

Beef for stew, gold lame'
Pine and vintage cabernet
Make a list of what you wish
And we'll procure it right away.
You're alone and you're scared
Since your program's off the air,
But we know you are adaptive,
And your audience is captive.
Tell some jokes, do some tricks
With some other small convicts.
You can entertain the guards up in their nest.
You've got to catch the vision
Even though it's prison
Be our guest, be our guest, be our guest.

Life is so imposing
For a hostess who's not hosting.
You're not whole without a sole or fresh capon.
Remember all those days when you were famous.
Suddenly those golden days are gone.
Ten years you'll be rusting
If you don't get out there fussing
'Bout a centerpiece or how to clean up spills.
Most days you'll just lay around the cell block,
Flabby, fat, and lazy, which I know will drive you crazy.

Be our guest, be our guest,
Sakes alive and I'll be blessed.
Thank the Lord you've come on board,
We've got an inmate who's depressed.
She's condemned, set to die,
But she wants some key lime pie.
And she knows you'll make a winner
For dessert for her last dinner.
As she lays on the cot
She will say "That hit the spot"
As her final words before the drugs inject.
She'll go to meet her Maker
Thanking you, her baker,
Be our guest, be our guest, be our guest.

Be our guest, be our guest,
We know "charming" is your quest.
Throw some potpourri around your cell
And make a cozy nest.
When you're done with your cell,
Do your neighbor's space as well.
While the search lights do their scanning
You can do your meal planning
Course by course, soup to nuts
Till we shout "You drive us nuts"
And we pardon you to get rid of the pest.
Though now it's nice to have you,
Soon we'll want to stab you.
Be our guest, please be our guest.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 36

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   6
 5   30

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Urillia - May 13, 2003 - Report this comment
This was great! Too bad we don't have more people voting on this one. If more people knew about this song, you can have hundreds of votes and your ratings would probably even stay high -- it could become one of the highest-ranked parodies on the list.
Phil Alexander - May 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Agreed, Urillia - I must have missed this one first time around. It is excellent.
Apricot - March 18, 2005 - Report this comment
Good, just seems a bit tired......... don't know, just does...
Stuart McArthur - March 18, 2005 - Report this comment
no, that was a treat - especially the second last "key lime pie" stanza - 555
Scathe - March 19, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm with you Stu, this was genius.
Claude Prez - April 28, 2009 - Report this comment
I just felt like bumping this one
Claude Prez - July 30, 2014 - Report this comment
Paul Morton didn't submit a ton of parodies, but the ones he did were memorable, like this Martha Stewart-themed BOG.
G.O. Lay - July 30, 2014 - Report this comment
That was fantastic; I love well-written parodies to this tune. Thanks for bumping, Claude.

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