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Song Parodies -> "Simon Cowell's Theme"

Original Song Title:

"Be Prepared"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"Simon Cowell's Theme"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Part 2 completed of Dave's bet
(Simon Cowell)
I never saw a diva’s potential
Those dudes just want labels and fame
Like Britney, but much dimmer’s differential
They have pride, but need lessons, and brains

(You! Spew! Doo! Through!)

Your songs in the shower gain attention
Cause you sound like a warthog’s backside
You think you’ll be star? Did I mention…
Sung words have just shattered my mind

It’s clear by your Snoop Dogg impressions
It bites, and the good parts are scarce
But we’re letting geeks do auditions
William Hung looks like Opera compared!

So prepare for your seconds of screen time
Wake me up when done singing, I’ll snooze
12 pounds of mascara
Won’t win you tiara

(Randy Jackson)
“Dawg’s whack, Git the picture?”

(Simon Cowell)
Like Frankenstein’s creature

Your vocals are horrid
Made Enya sound morbid
Only Paula would think you won’t lose
Even Seacrest got horribly scared


(Contestant #1)
“Hey! Sing Impaired!
I’m Sing Impaired?!
My Butt!”

“I went deaf cause you sing”

(Randy Jackson)
“Yo dawg, you is sick”

(Simon Cowell)
“Poor Enya, you just killed them…
Eardrums too…”

(Randy Jackson)
No media will let yeh sing

(Paula Abdul)
Don’t sing
Don’t sing
Try out for Survivor!

(Simon Cowell)
Who up next?!
Come out here and sing!

(Contestant #2)
Hi. My name is…

(Simon Cowell)
Just freaking sing!
You’re off-key, and you sound like a banshee!
Oh man!!!

(Contestant #2)
Not right!
Ears didn’t ring!

(Randy and Paula)
Just let him sing!
Just let him sing!!!!

(Sing! Sing! Sing! Sing! Sing!)

(Randy Jackson)
Dawg you's better than expected

(Paula Abdul)
I’m sure you will sell a record

(Simon Cowell)
You’re hoarse
Kid’s no pro
Song prefect it

Your voice is no beauty
I’m bored

Your future in music comprises
A costumed rat, Chuck E. Cheese
Argue, but son my advice is…

So despair at fools our of country
And beware of the quirkiest scum
(Ooooh! Ha! Ha! Ha!)

With some vicious ranting
(They’ll brood)
The crowds will be chanting
(You’re rude)
Contestants will yowl
(They compete)
Then fight Simon Cowell
(We’re Elite)
I’m king of talent show
Rejections will not slow
A mean, and notorious ham
Yes! My remarks, and accent is bad
(Ooo, oooo, ooo, ooo)
Please Be Sad!!!

(Randy and Paula)
Yes! His remarks and accent is bad
Simon’s Bad!!!

(Simon Cowell)
Bwa ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!!
I only have 3 more parts to go...

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   1
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Dylan Baranski - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
I don't watch American Idol, but I do think that AC/DC is better than all the contestants on that show combined. I even saw ads for a special episode of the show where Barry Gibb (one of the Bee Gees) made an appearance, and all the contestants sang Bee Gees songs. I never saw that episode, either, but the original Bee Gees versions of whatever songs were sung are most likely better than the versions sung on American Idol.
TJC - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Verry funny and apt.. and to quote John Barry, it's time for a Cowell movement...
Phil Alexander - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Brilliant, Matthias - some perfect subs. Not laugh-out-loud funny, but cutting and bitingly witty - have I mentioned the OS is probably my favourite Disney song? And I *hate* Pop Idle [sic]
Jonathan - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh lord I think I spat out my tea reading this it's so freakin' HILARIOUS!!! now I must diagree with you however I personally think Simon is just being honest but I think this was one of the funniest parodies I've read so far! my favorite part was the "Don't Sing Don't Sing try out for Survivor!" LOL! because like the rest of the song it fit the pacing of the original PERFECTLY!!! now I am going to say something similar to something nice Simon told Carrie Underwood "not only do you have the best AI based parody on this site but more people will give you 5's than any other previous AI parody writer" "yo dawg! you did it!" 5-5-5!!!
Kat - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Only three parts to go? I'm sure more could be done.
Cat - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Brilliance!! And I actually watched The Lion King in my chemistry class today (don't ask) so I already had this song in my head. This is probably one of my favorite Disney songs ever, and you nailed it.
Jack Wilson - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
This was HILARIOUS 5s
stuart mcarthur - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
excellent Matt - esp. "Made Enya sound morbid" - lol - 555
Matthias - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
I know that this thank you might be as bloody horrid as Joan Rivers giving an Oscar Award speach, but thank you all.
Ann Hammond - May 17, 2007 - Report this comment
oh yeah!
Kristof Robertson - May 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Fabulous stuff, Matty! Here in the UK we've had to put up with Herr Cowell longer than you, but now that he's pretty much decamped to the US, we've been spared a little.
You scored big time with this one, buddy! 555+
Matthias - May 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Ann and Kristof thanks. I occurs to me... How can a man who is apparently British on every level, host a show that's called "American" Idol. Confusing.
Matthias - May 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Ouch, I just realized I used the same word to rhyme in the last line... I won't become the Amiright Idol that way.
Agrimorfee - May 18, 2007 - Report this comment
The "warthog's backside", while appropriate, should have been changed, IMHO. Everything else was pretty damned good.
Jonathan - May 18, 2007 - Report this comment
dear Matthias you are the next AMIRIGHT IDOL!!! "music plays and confetti (sp?) falls" yes despite rhyming the same word at the end you managed to gain enough perfect votes congratulations! and I know I already voted but 5's!
Chris Bodily TM - June 10, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The parody doesn't quite match up to the video, but it was still a fun read! Incredible, I could just hear Simon singing this with Scar's British accent. 345 for tackling the dreck called American Idol.
McKludge - June 10, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) A deft skewering of a show I can't stand. 555
Agrimorfee - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Simon's still a dork, and this is still great.
Peter Andersson - June 12, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - You go through to the shortlist!
Max Power - June 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Great one.
Chris Frederick - June 24, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Matches up well to TOS, and does a nice job of shredding the guy everyone loves to hate. Well done!
stuart mcarthur - June 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) wow, it grows a leg when read to the OS playing - some fantastic subs over the original lines, and Jeremy Irons' voice perfectly suits a Simon Cowell themed parody - great stuff Matty - 555
bobpiecheese - June 27, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Hey, it's all fair. You get Cowell, we get Dicko...555!
wannabemustangjockey - June 29, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTM - Matches the OS surprisingly well. Made MUCH more sense when read along with the OS.
The Charnstar - June 29, 2007 - Report this comment
But Bobpiecheese, didn't Dicko leave? Dicko was the GREATEST! And now we have Kyle... I stopped watching second season but I still hear what happens. Anyway, as much as I hate the Idol shows, your parody rocked. 5-5-5
Below Average Dave - June 29, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Not an easy target, I know. . .and I think it was very funny and well executed, but "Cause you sound like a warthog’s backside", I have to wonder, what does that sound like. . .Not bad at all--but I do have to admit that it's got some fine tuning needed.
Jason - June 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) A very well constructed Cowell job.
Kristof Robertson - June 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above. This was an epic piece, Matty. Bravo!
Jack Wilson - June 30, 2007 - Report this comment
That was AWESOME once again, especially with the OS. Recording?
Nathan Forester - November 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Fantastic how delightfully sinister. 555!

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