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Song Parodies -> "Personal Masseuse"

Original Song Title:

"Personal Jesus"

Original Performer:

Depeche Mode

Parody Song Title:

"Personal Masseuse"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Reach out and rub me!
Your own personal masseuse
Someone to rub away your aches and pains
Your own personal masseuse
Someone to make the blood move around in your veins
Driving on home from work, alone
I'm all stressed out, aching to the bone
Got to find and meet her
My own tension reliever
She starts the quest oiling up my chest
At my behest, her fingers are blessed
Then, she'll rub me down, the best rubdown in town!
Reach out and rub me!
Your own personal masseuse
Someone who will rub your necks, not just for sex
Your own personal masseuse
Someone who doesn't care about body hair
Coming on home from work, alone
I'm all stressed out, aching to the bone
She will rub me all up, I'll pant just like a little pup!
Will her family forgive her for being a caregiver?
Reach out and rub me!
Copyright 1996, Agrimorfee

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   6

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Know 1 can hear you dream - November 06, 2003 - Report this comment
A nice litte... piece there Agrimorfee, but the way you changed from "your" to "my" was a bit disturbing here, sometimes it is, sometimes it doesnt matter, here it did, to me, so Im only giving 444. But I loved the idea. This is one... song Im gonna do myself one of these days.
Skippy1411 - December 26, 2003 - Report this comment
Funny,, though.
Dominic L. - October 13, 2005 - Report this comment
Funny, 5's. This may be one of the earliest parodies I've read here. I liked it.
Adagio - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
Red Ant - October 14, 2005 - Report this comment
(P) Haven't heard this in ages but scanned well to what I remember. "Someone who doesn't care about body hair", lol.
Stuart McArthur - October 17, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) "Will her family forgive her for being a caregiver?" is a beautiful line Agri
Johnny D - October 18, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Where the rubber meets the road you'll find asphalt-abraded palms.
Kristof Robertson - October 20, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Sorry I missed this first time round,'s really good! 555
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - October 20, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) I've only heard the Marilyn Manson cover, but it paced fine here. I chortled throughout, funny stuff.
Rick C - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) Very touching. :-) 555
Phil Alexander - October 23, 2005 - Report this comment
As Shakespeare once said "Ay, there's the rub"... and there it is, indeed ;-)
Arwen - October 24, 2005 - Report this comment
ABC--I'm glad you entered this, Agri...I don't think I would have ever found it otherwise, and it made me smile...=)
Jeff Reuben - October 25, 2005 - Report this comment
ABC: Excellent first line. Rubbed me the right way.
Joel Martinez - December 16, 2005 - Report this comment
Not bad! who ever thought that people could ever make spa songs?555
Matthias - May 22, 2014 - Report this comment
Wow! Another one that's over a decade old!!! Actually that's only been a decade since you posted it it's even been longer than that according to the date at the bottom of the parody. So for that I have to give you high marks alone. It's also really funny so that helps too.
Max Power - June 01, 2014 - Report this comment
I could use one right now after dealing with stress and all due to what happened at the Yankees game today, and the after effects of preparing for the college exams. 555 for relief.
bobpiecheese - June 02, 2014 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I dunno, I'm not quite feeling this one. It was mostly just describing what a masseuse does, nothing really about that made me laugh. Maybe it's just me, who knows, but this wasn't one of your best, IMO.
Abbott Skelding - June 03, 2014 - Report this comment
I gotta agree with the above comment...the pacing was spot on and the rhymes were good, but there weren't many jokes. Not bad, but could have been better.
Blaydeman - June 03, 2014 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I'm split on this one. On the one hand I like the concept and the pacing and rhyming were great. The lines were well constructed, but not overtly funny. Not one of your best, but still very solid even been something from your older collection.

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