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Song Parodies -> "I'm a Banker"

Original Song Title:

"I'm an Asshole"

Original Performer:

Dennis Leary

Parody Song Title:

"I'm a Banker"

Parody Written by:

Martin Hobbs

The Lyrics

A parody written after the debacle of the 2009 credit crunch and the lack of any reprisals for the people involved.
I’d like to sing a song about the Economic Dream
About me, about you
About the way our Economic hearts beat way down in the bottom of our pockets
About that special feeling we get on the inside of our wallets
Maybe in our mortgages
Maybe in the subprime markets
Maybe in our loans, maybe in our pensions
Maybe even under our mattresses, we don’t know

I’m not a regular guy, with a regular job.
Not your average white, suburbanite slob,
I like polo and skiing and books about law
I’ve got a luxury penthouse, with a guard on the door
An obedient wife, two kids and a car
A Pers’nal Assistant and a big fat cigar

But sometimes that’s just not enough to keep a man like me interested
(Oh no, no way, uh-uh)
No I’ve got to go out and make money at someone else’s expense
(Whoa yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah yeah)
I take risks with your money but I’m the only one to gain
Yet nobody sees that the system’s insane

I’m a banker (he’s a banker)
I’m a banker (he’s a banker, such a banker)

I hold public assets and I piss them away
I can lose several billion but I’ll still get my pay

I’m a banker (he’s a banker)
I’m a banker (he’s the world’s biggest banker)

Sometimes they’ll sack me for incompetence
But a six figure handshake’s my only penance

I’m a banker (he’s a banker)
I’m a banker (he’s the world’s biggest banker)

Maybe I shouldn’t be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they’re right when they tell me I’m wrong

I’m a banker (he’s a banker)
I’m a banker (he’s the world’s biggest banker)
You know what I’m going to do?
I’m going to get myself a job as a government advisor
They’ll make me a Lord and I’ll head up the committee
That investigates the banking scandal
I’ll find some sorry idiots to be the scapegoats
And let all my friends and associates go free
And while the rest of the population lose their jobs
We’ll be laughing because we’ll just take all their hard earned taxes
And use them to cover our bonuses!
And no-one in government will say a word against us
Because they all know we’ll just drag them down with us if they do
And all that money we own will sit safely in an offshore account
Or be invested in the world’s rapidly diminishing resources
Some rare-earth minerals that only we can afford to buy
And there’s not a bloody thing any of you can do about it
You know why, because we control the money, that’s why
2 words, rigged fucking markets, OK?
The President, Parliament, Senates and Assemblies
They can try all the policies they want
They can have a big democratic march
Right through the middle of Wall Street
And it won’t make a jot of difference
Because we control the money, OK?

Capitalism’s not dead, it’s alive and kicking
And soon we’ll find a cure for Socialism
And then it’s just going to keep on growing
Until we’ve ripped up every Forest, National Park, Conservation Area,
Tree, or blade of bleeding grass that’s left on this overpopulated,
Over polluted, miserable land-filled planet that we call home.
And when there’s nothing left but rubbish,
We’ll even find a way to sell that back to you for a profit...

(Hey! You know, you are a complete wanker!)
Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, mate?
I’m a banker (he’s a wanker)
I’m a banker (he’s the world’s biggest wanker)

(Hang on a sec, what’s wrong with being a wanker
I mean everyone’s at it these days – even girls
It’s a pretty redundant swear word really, isn’t it?
I mean, I’d rather be a wanker than a banker any day)


I’m a banker and I’m proud of it.
A demo of the song was recorded with David Nilsen doing music, backing singing, and production. Unfortunately, due to delays, it missed it's opportunity of a proper release. Alternative lyrics copyright Martin Hobbs.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 3.8
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   3

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Stooge - March 29, 2010 - Report this comment
Too much of the original song in this one. Plus "banker" is one letter shorter than "as###le".
Phil Nelson - March 29, 2010 - Report this comment
good stuff, much better than the original
Christie Marie M - March 29, 2010 - Report this comment
This is actually funny and hilarious! I'm still LOLing at your parody! Yeah, there are bankers that can be a**holes sometimes! I could imagine Denis Leary singing this parody in a bankers' suit! Hey maybe you can be the new Denis Leary for the day! Here's a deposit of $555 in your bank account.

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