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Song Parodies -> "Mailman Malone"

Original Song Title:

"Private Malone"

Original Performer:

David Ball

Parody Song Title:

"Mailman Malone"

Parody Written by:

Mike Armstrong

The Lyrics

This song is a dedication to Utah Jazz star Karl Malone, who has saved his team from countless predicaments, but has been plagued by his inability to win a championship. Each verse is "sung" from the perspective of a role player teammate of Malone's, who are thanking him for his constant help.
I was just right out of Kansas, drafted in the NBA,
I knew I'd go to Utah when Dave Stern called my name.
I didn't know how much I'd play, or even if I would,
I knew I wasn't really all that good...

I was 7 foot two inches, I played center pretty bad,
Papers were callin for my neck, "get rid of Ostertag",
It was down to crunch time, I was sitting on the bench,
Cuz I had fouled Olaj'won, when we had a chance to clinch...

I felt a little worried, as John Stockton cursed my name,
Gonna be the guy who had screwed up the game,
I opened up my eyes, just in time to see the shot,
Number 32 had chucked it, and net was all it got...

His was a man named Mailman Kar'ol Malone,
Who fought for the ring that could never make it home,
But for every teammate's blunder, he seemed to pull them through,
If white boy's were the scissors, than the Mailman was their glue.
His baseline jumpshots always seemed to set the tone,
Thank God I was playing, with Mailman Malone.

In the year of 98, we were expected to go far,
I was comin off the bench, ya know, my name was Antoine Carr,
I weighed three hundred and twenty and my rec specs were on tight,
And on ev'ry pump fake and cheese pizza I would always bite...

At keeping up with bruisers I just couldn't make the grade,
And I think I lead the league in missed lay-ups per minute played
I sometimes got the feeling if I'd just stay out the way
A Mailman and a Stockton would surely save the day...

He was a man named Mailman Kar'ol Malone,
Who fought for the ring that just couldn't make it home,
But for every dream that's shattered, the season sure was great,
This Carr once was a bud of his, back in '98...
And so we faced the Bulls into the great unknown,
But we knew he'd deliver, ole Mailman Malone...

One game I was playin' hard, and Jordan pushed off well,
All the Utah papers said "Russell, you can go to hell,"
Someone said they thought that Karl would come and save the day,
We all were quite hopeful that it would work out that way...

For a good man named Mailman Kar'ol Malone,
Who fought for the ring that just couldn't make it home,
But for every teammate's blunder, he seemed to pull them through,
If white boy's were the scissors, than the Mailman was their glue,
We never would have got there, if his star just hadn't shone,
Thank god we were playing, with Mailman Malone.
Thank god we were playing, with Mailman Malone.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 80

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 4
 4
 
 2   0
 3
 0
 
 3   1
 3
 2
 
 4   15
 3
 12
 
 5   60
 67
 62
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

John Jenkins - December 09, 2002 - Report this comment
After your comments on my Masters parody (and I do agree with the criticism), I wanted to read some of you work. Although I live in the Los Angeles area, I prefer the stlye of play of the Jazz to the style of the Lakers, and I really enjoyed this parody. The first verse about Antoine Carr was a classic.
Charlie Decker - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports comp) Sorry to say that I don't know the original. However, I got a great chuckle from reading this. Nice job!
Jeff Reuben - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) Excellent job. I'm not a big NBA fan, but I certainly know enough about Malone, and even know the original.
Agrimorfee - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
(SPORTS) This was well written and entertaining, even though I know zilch about the NBA and DKTOS. This will be on my Top 5.
Rex - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
I'm always impressed by anyone who can keep a good parody going this long.
Ethan Mawyer - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) i DKTOS but i thought this was great anyway when i first saw this and i still do.
John Jenkins - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
This was definitely a fun parody to re-visit, particularly the "cheese pizza/pump fake" line, and especially considering all that has happened to the Mailman in the last 2+ years. Can it be true that the only player mentioned in the parody who is still playing professional basketball (and I use the term very loosely) is Greg Ostertag?
Scathe - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
(SPORTS) Three cheers for babysitter Malone.
Guy - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) DKTOS - But at least I know who Karl Malone is.
Know 1 can hear you dream - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
DKTOS but I can tell this is soo good anyway.
Claude Prez - March 03, 2005 - Report this comment
I gotta learn to comment before John Jenkins; this is the third one in a row where he said what I was gonna say. Oh, well. The "cheese pizza/ pump fake" line was great. And I actually have heard this song a couple times. Very well written; great stuff.
Stuart McArthur - March 04, 2005 - Report this comment
(sports) DKTOS, but I liked the idea of the different voices
Johnny D - March 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(Sports) Gotta agree with Claude Prez on the "cheeze pizza/pump fake" line being excellent ... also got a grin from the line "If white boy's were the scissors, than the Mailman was their glue". Looks like this parody took some serious effort and hard work, with a lot of thought going into it.
AMIRIGHT SPORTS PARODY CONTEST - BRONZE MEDAL - April 17, 2005 - Report this comment
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php?action=dlattach;topic=9365.0;id=5184;image
Spaff.com - April 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey, Mike & Armstrong. Sorry I've managed to miss this for YEARS. Excellent job, and more kudos (especially) on the lines cited by others. I went to the Jazz game the other night where they retired Malone's jersey at halftime. They brought out Malone's family and former coaches and former teammates (including Stockton) and then the Mailman himself, and the crowd gave him the longest, loudest standing ovation I've ever seen. Karl spoke (in his very Karl way) and for a few brief, shining moments, we were back in the presence of greatness. Then, unfortunately, the second half began.

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