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Song Parodies -> "Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise"

Original Song Title:

"Gangsta's Paradise"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Coolio

Parody Song Title:

"Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise"

Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

Ever wondered what a social worker might make of the society depicted in nursery rhymes? Well, wonder no more... ;^)

And here's a link to The original song.
**Social worker wonders aloud** What are these Nurs’ry rhymes really all about?

As I walk into Nurs’ry-Land I don’t miss a trick
I check the words of their rhymes and realise they’re pretty sick
Guess I’ve been doing this job for so long
That I never realised they’re all kinds of wrong.
‘Cause you should never cut the tails off blinded mouses
How are they supposed to know that they’re in your houses?
And have you considered maybe, that little baby
Should not have his crib up in a freakin’ tree?
We really need to talk about Jack and Jill
‘Cause you can’t keep sending them up that great big hill - fool!
They keep falling down, you wrap their heads in paper – crazy!
It’s neglect, can’t you see, goes against Health and Safety

No virtue it’s all vice, in a Nurs’ry Rhymers’ Paradise
Aint cute and it’s not nice, in a Nurs’ry Rhymers’ Paradise
Bad parents, cold as ice, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
Don’t care, won’t take advice, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise

And let that poor Jack Horner out of the corner
Get him out in the fresh air, let him play in the street
Needs his five a day, cut down the pies please
Too much pastry’s gonna make the kid end up obese.
You got far too many kids, you’re living in a shoe
But you can’t hit them ‘cause ‘you don’t know what to do’
Polly’s one smart daughter, but shouldn’t oughta
Make the tea with Suki and play with boiling water – fool!
Can’t beat knaves for stealing tarts, King and Queen
Employees got certain rights, y'know what I mean?
And Humpty’s fine now, but he’ll be cracking up later on
That egg’s had his soldiers when he falls

Tell me why do we, sing happily
All these songs with words so un – PC?

No room for compromise, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
Most grown-ups aint that wise, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
Live there you’ll pay the price, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
It’s like Miami Vice, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise

Bells are okay Mary, shells are regulation
But the pretty maidens? That’s just exploitation
Poor Wee Willie Winkie, I think I can confirm he
Stay out late when it’s freezing, he might get hypothermia
That Little Tommy Flynn is a bad’un do his folks know
If he keeps drowning cats then he’ll get an asbo*
I guess they don’t, I guess they won’t
In Nurs’ry-Land, the skills of all the parents seem to suck – fools!

Life aint no Edelweiss, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
Scare all the kids with lies, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
Don’t care if someone dies, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise
That makes it rhyme real nice, in a Nurs’ry Ryhmers’ Paradise

Tell me why do we, sing happily
All these songs with words so un – PC?
Seems these guys, to me, aren’t kind you see
‘Cause these songs we’ve heard are lunacy
* - ASBO = Anti-Social Behaviour Order. Theoretically a punishment for out-of-control youths... but in reality they've become more like a badge of honour for the little thugs who 'earn' them. So that worked well...!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Callmelennie - September 21, 2012 - Report this comment
This is amazingI I won't give this a score as our Arabic numeral based counting system is wholly inadequate for describing the greatness of this song.
Susanna Viljanen - September 21, 2012 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but do know the Mother Goose. This was hilarious! Fives.
Rob Arndt - September 21, 2012 - Report this comment
You've given me so many ideas with the OS- all BAD ones! Thanks Wendy :)
AFW - September 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Funny idea and lines to back it up
Meriadoc - September 21, 2012 - Report this comment
Wendy - this is absolutely hilarious! Keep up the good work. And please ring up Children's Services to investigate the treatment of Tom the Piper's Son and Little Polly Flinders while we're at it...
2Eagle - September 22, 2012 - Report this comment
Why teach scary rhymes to a kid? Remember the child's prayer with the third line, "If I should die before I wake...".
Peregrin - September 22, 2012 - Report this comment
Beautiful! Spot on. My fave lines (among many) were "Live there you’ll pay the price" and "Life aint no Edelweiss". :)

The security code for this comment was 'TUF'. A message to the kiddies out there, perhaps?
WCJ - September 23, 2012 - Report this comment
Did you ever hear the story about Goldilocks and the Three Fives? 555! :-) Great Job Wendy!
Phil Alexander - September 23, 2012 - Report this comment
Brilliant, Wendy - definitely one of those "damn! I wish I'd thought of that" ideas. Incidentally, re Jack and Jill, it makes a bit more sense when you learn that vinegar and brown paper was thought to be a cure for syphilis ;-)
Wendy Christopher - September 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks for all the lovely comments - much appreciated :)
@Rob - so now I'm a corrupting influence, am I? I guess I can live with that... ;)
@Phil - Urrrgghhh - kids today and their mucky little euphemisms! "Uh, yeah mum, me and Jill are just going to 'fetch a pail of water', heh heh heh..."!!
@Meriadoc - *slaps head* Darn, I forgot about those two! :)
Patrick - September 24, 2012 - Report this comment
I've heard of the ASBO. What your cops need is an ASP Baton. That might make a deeper impression on the hooligans.

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