Petroleum-based, it does everything
It's only the best stuff I've ever seen
A dab on my lips, a bit on my feet
A little bit on toast makes a wonderful treat
What everyone likes, what everyone needs
Get me a jar, or maybe two or three
My Christmas gift, my birthday, too
It's what I want, and its what I'm getting you

Tastes just like mayonnaise
Vaseline, Vaseline

I got my toothbrush, I'm there at the sink
I want to clean my mouth so my breath don't stink
I'm searching around, but I can't find
My tube of Crest, I'm going out of my mind
But next to the soap, I suddenly see
That little jar with what exactly I need

Tastes just like mayonnaise
Doubles as toothpaste in a pinch
It's magic goo, does whatever you wish
Created by God on the first day
Too bad they can't just give it away
Vaseline, Vaseline, Vaseline

I can't say enough, or sing enough praise
About my old friend that helps me everyday
Without it I think that life would be hell
Cause what else am I s'posed to use as hair gel?

Tastes just like mayonnaise
Doubles as toothpaste or hair gel, hair gel
Vaseline, Vaseline, Vaseline, Vaseline