Oh....Once upon a midnight dreary, I woke with nothing in my gut
Couldn't sleep with all the noises emanating from my butt
Like a big fat contestant on the "Biggest Loser",
I could not believe my eyes
When I opened the door, there was my best friend
with a cheeseburger and order of fries....
Yeah, a cheeseburger and order of fries....

Well, I'll diet Tuesday, pay no mind....
The food I seek is what I'll find.
And when I'm feeling bloated, the burps you'll hear
are nothing but a couple of quarts of beer
Please pass to me... Pepcid AC
She brought these cheese sticks home for me


(Chorus:)
But now.............
Won't somebody help me to lose some pounds?
It's a sure fire bet I will bloat up,
When all I'm doing is chowing down.....


Baked Beans and some condiments on those great onion rings!
And at Hooter's, you can see me chow down on a couple dozen hot chicken wings....
with some pancakes and a Hero Sub.....
Everybody says that I eat too much!
Saturday is normally my movie night, but hey, baby, let's meet for lunch....hey, baby, let's meet for lunch....

And 4 of the Lox & bagels with cream cheese
Just show me everything on the menu, please
Watch my belly distend and swell....
And soon my dietitian won't be able to tell
Just pour some wine.....the fish is fine
If there's no more watermelon, then just feed me the rind...


But now.............
Won't somebody help me to lose some pounds?
It's a sure fire bet I will bloat up,
When all I'm doing is chowing down.....

(Harmonica Solo)

Hey Papa Gino's, where's my pizza???!!!
He said, "There's no soup for you"
Need my chips and sandwich, no matter what you put on it
There ain't a whole lot of food for two....

And so I had an ear of corn, but the soup got cold so...
Perhaps I'll have a little cereal
But I know no matter what the waitress brings, I will wolf it down
and never be full....
Yeah, I will wolf it down but I won't be full....

Well I like coffee cake & pie with ice cream
and anything you put in front of me!
I'd still like a nice piece of choclate cake
and wash it down with a vanilla shake...
Alright, OK, let's forget the meat....
I just hope & pray that there's something left to eat


But now.............
Won't somebody help me to lose some pounds?
It's a sure fire bet I will bloat up,
When all I'm doing is chowing down.....