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Song Parodies -> "Dumb Blonde"

Original Song Title:

"Gaston"

Original Performer:

Beauty and the Beast

Parody Song Title:

"Dumb Blonde"

Parody Written by:

EmiLoca

The Lyrics

Okay, everyone. Get your groans out NOW.
[Guy:]
Gosh, it's absurd that I'd date you, dumb blonde
You sounded smart on the phone
Now I think I'd like to mate you, dumb blonde
Your brain cell won't die alone
The girl who can't use her alarm clock at night
(The AM display, it defies)
Even the back of your head is a sight
When I'm looking deep into your eyes...

No one's real like a blonde
Has appeal like a blonde
No one frustrates when drowning an eel like a blonde
You're the woman who's flattered by drooling,
Gal who proofreads M&Ms
When I tell you of nuclear fission
You ask which bait I use – what a farcical gem!

[Chorus:]
No one strikes like a blonde

[Blonde:]
Hogs the mike like a blonde!
Like, or uses, like, words, like, well, LIKE like a blonde!

[Chorus:]
Now our own English language, she's desecrating
Geez, what a sleaze, that dumb blonde!

Don't mind her boobs
That look like blocks

[Guy:]
It's not her fault Kleenex
Come inside a box!

[Blonde:]
(Ooh, burn.)

[Chorus:]
No...one's...hot like a blonde

[Guy:]
Knows Jack Squat like a blonde
No one shamelessly names Zebras "Spot" like a blonde
Five foot five and an IQ of thirty
But a choleric minx underneath
If she throws a pin at you in fury
Then run for your life, the grenade's in her teeth

No one's vain like a blonde
Half-insane like a blonde
(Though it's rare to have half of a brain like a blonde)

[Blonde:]
I'm especially flattered by salivating!

[Retard:]
Ptooey!

[Chorus:]
Enjoy this dumb blonde!

[Blonde:]
When I was sixteen, I did half-cousins then,
But the babies were all reassigned
But now I do only one first-cousin, "Ben"
So I'll know that the babies are MINE!

[Chorus:]

*absolute silence*

No...one...screws like a blonde
Gets confused like a blonde

[Guy:]
Then, by extended fam'ly, gets used like a blonde!

[Blonde:]
Though my mutated kids are incriminating...

[Chorus:]
Say it again
Who has lain with all men?
And then say it once more
Who's the dearest of whores?
Who's the girl in distress
We'll all help to undress?
Sunlit locks with all logic withdrawn
There's just one girl in town who goes down in renown

[Blonde:]
And her name's B-L-O- N -
B-L-O-E - N -
B-L-E-O-E - oh!

[Chorus:]
Dumb blonde!

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 34

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   2
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 1
 1
 
 4   0
 1
 1
 
 5   31
 31
 31
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Tim Mayfield - August 22, 2005 - Report this comment
I don't think you missed a single dumb blond joke... well, ok, maybe one. 5's
Claude Prez - August 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Kleenex line was my fave but the whole thing was great.
Johnny D - August 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Lyrically and satirically, a profound pirouette from our brainy brunette!
Phil Alexander - August 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Awesome, EmiLoca - I've had this on my "to-do" list for, well.. years actually, but still haven't come up with the right target. Some super lines (and I'd not heard the "proofreading M&Ms" joke before).
Red Ant - August 22, 2005 - Report this comment
"Like, or uses, like, words, like, well, LIKE like a blonde!" Hilarious EmiLoca, and I too had not heard of the proofreading M&Ms.
John Jenkins - August 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Very well done, EmiLoca. What everybody else said, plus the zebra line and the conclusion.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - August 22, 2005 - Report this comment
I. am. not. worthy.

I need to, like, hunt down the OS.
EmiLoca - August 22, 2005 - Report this comment
A special thanks to everyone who left me comments and a normal thanks to everyone who is left handed.
Scrawny Johnny - August 23, 2005 - Report this comment
A heck of a lot better than my version of this song!!! Congrats!!
Cat - August 23, 2005 - Report this comment
I just saw a production of Beauty and the Beast at a local theater, so this song was already in my head, and this version was so great I had to sing it aloud! 555.
Stuart McArthur - August 26, 2005 - Report this comment
ha! - excellent :-) - 555
Agrimorfee - September 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This month's vote iss gonna be SO. DAMNED. HARD.
2nz - September 08, 2005 - Report this comment
heh heh. Sharp and funny all the way through, Emi. I was waiting for screens full of white-out and asking for directions while falling, but you one-upped that with stuff like, "If she throws a pin at you in fury Then run for your life, the grenade's in her teeth". You got a gift, and it seems to manifest itself well in Disney tunes.
Larry Hensley - September 10, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) That's like, funny.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - September 11, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Ahh, after www.ginevra2000.it/Disney/Midi/gaston.mid this was even more onjoyarbla. If only I had a vocal range...
Dominic L. - September 12, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM-Funny, 5's!
Adagio - September 22, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I don't know the song, Emi, but that didn't stop me from enjoying every last line. My favorite line..."If she throws a pin at you in fury Then run for your life, the grenade's in her teeth." Hehehe
Peter Andersson - September 24, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM - What did the blonde who gave birth to twins do? Went out to look for the other father!
Why did the blonde put up barb wire around her bed? So that she could have safe sex!
Why did the blonde through her underwear on the wall in the morning to see if it got stuck? To see if she had a good time the night before!
Why did the blonde girl have shiners around her navel? Blonde guys aren't that smart either!
Red Ant - September 25, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM)
Red Ant - September 25, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above, first comment.
Arwen - September 26, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM...I know I've read this before...and yet, there is no comment. Hmmm...it could very well be that I was dying my dark roots to match my blonde ends, and therefore was unable to type. This is VERY good, Emi...I totally dig it, and agree with 2nz that you've got a way with Disney songs...=)
Johnny D - September 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
Adam Eccleshall - September 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) That's like, you know, totally, like awesome, and stuff
Tim Mayfield - September 27, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Commented before. I guess you did leave out the life-saver joke.
Rick C - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Lots of great lines in this one. Bravo ! 555
Spaff.com - September 28, 2005 - Report this comment
Hilarious! Being blond, I'm clueless as to whether the blonde jokes here are being widely circulated behind my back or whether you made them up for our benefit. Care to elaborate, parody prodigy? They're all funny, but I particularly liked the grenade and zebra and Kleenex ones. Oh, and "fission." And knowing who the real mother is. This is awesome.
Rex - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Of course you have to proofread M&Ms! You wouldn't want to get stuck with a W, would you? Great work.
Claude Prez - September 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Man, what a lame comment I left the first time................*absolute silence*
Kristof Robertson - October 03, 2005 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Geez, I missed some CLASSY parodies this month! Emi, you truly are a geniusette....555
Dee Range - October 03, 2005 - Report this comment
SOTM. Loved it from start to finish, even though I am blonde in the brain. Great work.
Red Ant - March 05, 2006 - Report this comment
(2005 SOTY) See above. Beauty? This is a beast! Enjoyed reading this again.
Agrimorfee - March 07, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTY 06) see above
Spaff.com - March 26, 2006 - Report this comment
"Your brain cell won't die alone" - like heh heh. And, like, ditto, like, what Spaff said.
AUGUST 2005 SONG OF THE MONTH - April 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Third Place
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,12779.0.html
Jordan (Mike Armstrong) - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
I might be going to hell but my favorite part was Retard: "Ptooey" I was rolling. Great parody and I don't know how I missed it.
christie - September 23, 2006 - Report this comment
meh it was to long for me to read i couldnt be stuffed it kinda wasted my time i dont like reading i dont get it anyway what was it a song a book a show ??????

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