[Guy:]
Gosh, it's absurd that I'd date you, dumb blonde
You sounded smart on the phone
Now I think I'd like to mate you, dumb blonde
Your brain cell won't die alone
The girl who can't use her alarm clock at night
(The AM display, it defies)
Even the back of your head is a sight
When I'm looking deep into your eyes...

No one's real like a blonde
Has appeal like a blonde
No one frustrates when drowning an eel like a blonde
You're the woman who's flattered by drooling,
Gal who proofreads M&Ms
When I tell you of nuclear fission
You ask which bait I use – what a farcical gem!

[Chorus:]
No one strikes like a blonde

[Blonde:]
Hogs the mike like a blonde!
Like, or uses, like, words, like, well, LIKE like a blonde!

[Chorus:]
Now our own English language, she's desecrating
Geez, what a sleaze, that dumb blonde!

Don't mind her boobs
That look like blocks

[Guy:]
It's not her fault Kleenex
Come inside a box!

[Blonde:]
(Ooh, burn.)

[Chorus:]
No...one's...hot like a blonde

[Guy:]
Knows Jack Squat like a blonde
No one shamelessly names Zebras "Spot" like a blonde
Five foot five and an IQ of thirty
But a choleric minx underneath
If she throws a pin at you in fury
Then run for your life, the grenade's in her teeth

No one's vain like a blonde
Half-insane like a blonde
(Though it's rare to have half of a brain like a blonde)

[Blonde:]
I'm especially flattered by salivating!

[Retard:]
Ptooey!

[Chorus:]
Enjoy this dumb blonde!

[Blonde:]
When I was sixteen, I did half-cousins then,
But the babies were all reassigned
But now I do only one first-cousin, "Ben"
So I'll know that the babies are MINE!

[Chorus:]

*absolute silence*

No...one...screws like a blonde
Gets confused like a blonde

[Guy:]
Then, by extended fam'ly, gets used like a blonde!

[Blonde:]
Though my mutated kids are incriminating...

[Chorus:]
Say it again
Who has lain with all men?
And then say it once more
Who's the dearest of whores?
Who's the girl in distress
We'll all help to undress?
Sunlit locks with all logic withdrawn
There's just one girl in town who goes down in renown

[Blonde:]
And her name's B-L-O- N -
B-L-O-E - N -
B-L-E-O-E - oh!

[Chorus:]
Dumb blonde!