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Song Parodies -> "Caesar's Dead!"

Original Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Original Performer:

Beauty And The Beast

Parody Song Title:

"Caesar's Dead!"

Parody Written by:

Leo Jay

The Lyrics

Caesar's dead, Caesar's dead!
All of Rome is quite upset!
All the populus is sobbing and the word's just barely spread;
What a sham, what a shame! Who's at fault here, who's to blame?
(Though we're loath to make accusals, we have heard the deed was Brutal)
Cassius too, in his way, is a man with feet of clay,
So perhaps he did the deed to get ahead;
Under a Roman arch on this Fifteenth of March
Caesar lies dead, Caesar's dead, Caesar's dead!

Caesar's dead! Caesar's dead!
Ah -- the Senate's hands are red!
(Though they claim they had to do it once success went to his head)
He had pow'r, fame and wealth -- more than Jupiter himself,
And they felt he showed an interest in ascending to Olympus,
So a coup advised: "Cut that ego down to size!"
(And a coup's a dud unless some blood is shed)
Although we loved him so, they say he had to go
So now he's dead, Caesar's dead, Caesar's dead!

Caesar's dead! Caesar's dead!
(as the Seer had foresaid;
When he said the sooth, it was the truth: the Ides were filled with dread!)
He'd been warned by his wife, who was fearful for his life,
But there was no swaying Caesar, too self-centered to appease her:
"There's no fear in this beast, I am frightened not the least!"
(But to her, this was the last he ever said)
Not 'til "Et tu Brute?" did he think, "Hey, no way --
I can't be dead!" (But he's dead,
'cause they hacked him all to shreds)
Caesar's dead! Caesar's dead! Caesar's dead!

Caesar's dead! Caesar's dead!
Who will warm Calpurnya's bed?
Will she stay a weeping widow, or intend to be re-wed?
Will she sit home alone with her books on Ancient Rome
Or get hot between the covers with a fellow Latin lover?
Maybe Mark Antony? What a stand-up guy is he!
Will he be the next for whom her legs are spread?
Perhaps he longs for her, perhaps he'll conquer her
In Caesar's stead (since he's dead) Caesar's dead!

All respect to Caesar:
Julius the People Pleaser!
How plebians would romanticize his life!
Ev'ry Ro-man wished that they could be him,
Each Ro-woman wished to be his wife;
When he conquered Gaul,
he was the toast of one and all!
(Well, all except the ones he never thought to fear...)
Even with the chance that some were scheming,
Who'd have thought that Brutus would turn out to be a Judas?

Now he's dead! Caesar's dead!
Who'll be emperor instead?
There's no Emperor-in-Waiting, so by whom will we be led?
What about Nero Three? He's as handsome as can be!
(Nah -- he looks good in a toga, but his mind is mediocre)
Or Caligula Four? (Nah -- he's busy screwing whores --
It's a chore for him to just get out of bed)
Whom will the Senate choose to fill dear Caesar's shoes
Now that he's dead -- Caesar's dead,
(...As ad nauseam's been said...)
Caesars' dead, Caesar's dead, Caesar's dead!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   2
 3   1
 4   4
 5   18

User Comments

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Jeff Reuben - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Yes, some truly Brutal lines here.
Leo Jay - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Aw Jeff, a 2 for pacing? Two for funny, maybe. I did forget about the intro, but dang, you're harsh, dude! And don't try to claim it wasn't you with the 2-4-3 Jeff, I know it was you, bass turd.
Larry Hensley - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Hail this parody!
wapner - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
555. A truly magnificent historical/hysterical piece of writing. This don't need no stinking intro, it speaks for itself.
Steven Cavanagh - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
I just love parodies of this song (done two myself). Well done.
Michael Pacholek - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Et tu, Leo? No, et five.
Arwen - May 05, 2005 - Report this comment
Um...I loved this. Honestly. Too many great things to even mention...I think it's pretty ridiculous that Jeff gave you a 2 for pacing, by the way. I mean...seriously.

Oh, and not that any of you care, but anytime I even think about Caesar anymore, I'm reminded of one of my FAVORITE lines in "Mean Girls," when Gretchen is giving reading her paper in class, and says the following-- "Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hmmm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!"

Now that's good stuff...but not as good as this parody, Leo...=)
Billy Shakes - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Verily, my first draft was penned thusly:

Brutus: Tyrant! Thou art not the boss of me! [stabs Caesar]
Caesar: Dayamn! You too, homey? How you do me like this? [falls]
Cassius: S'all good Bru-T -- you done right. Fool had it comin', actin' all large like that...
Brutus: Word, yo.
[to Senators:] C'mon fellaz, we out.
Kristof Robertson - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Brilliant, Leo! And to Jeff...Et Two, reuben? ;-) 555
Susanna Viljanen - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Quattuor! Quinque! Quinque!
Michael Pacholek - May 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Face it, Brutus was the good guy. If you need proof, rent the 1970 film version, with John Gielgud as Caesar, Jason Robards as Brutus, and who plays Marc Antony, the "hero" of the story? "Brutus, the only way you're going to gain control of Rome is to pry it from my cold, dead hands!" Charlton Heston. Brutus saved Rome from Caesar's tyranny, but he ran out of luck. Antony was right: Brutus was the noblest Roman of them all. If you disagree, well, as I said in another parody, "Dante's the Guy."
Leo Jay - May 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Jeff: I'm still pissed about the 2, dude.
Larry: Thanks for your allegiance.
Wapner: Thanks for the endorsement!
Steven: Yeah, it's a great OS to work on -- I'll give yours a look-see, thanks!
M-Pac: Gratitudinum Maximum, Pacholium.
Arwen: Thanks, kiddo! And yep, that mean girl got it right -- that Caesar dude was way too full of himself. (And I don't just mean he'd pigged out on a big salad with croutons.)
Billy Shakes: you're soooo not funny.
Kristof: Thanks! And thanks for having my back against Jeff -- that pseudo-Caesar thinks he's 'all that'.
Susanna: Gratias! Gratias! Gratias!
M-Pac: Back again? Don't you have better things to do? Well, Shakespeare really nailed that whole complexity of human character thing, didn't he? No clear-cut heroes and villains for him, thankyouverymuch.
Phil Alexander - May 07, 2005 - Report this comment
Friends, writers, Parodists, lend me your ears
I come to read our Leo, and to praise him
The good we write is oft inflicted with ones
Don't let it be with Leo... etc etc.
For he is an honourable man ;-)
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 07, 2005 - Report this comment
'Brutal', 'Cassius Clay', 'said the sooth', 'as ad nauseam's been said'... come on Jeff, how didn't fitting all of this brilliant humour into a flawless rhyme scheme not deserve a '3' for pacing?! ;) Colossal effort, Leo.
Stuart McArthur - May 08, 2005 - Report this comment
yes, I agree with Luke, Phil, and everyone else - this is brilliant, Leo - the accusal/Brutal and Brutus/Judas internal rhymes are touched - 555
Leo Jay - May 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Luke: "Colossal, effort, Leo?" This cheeky reference to the Romans' cruel entertainment practice of throwing the Christians to the lions in the Colosseum demonstrates an unforgiveable level of insensitivity to our Christian readers. Bass turd.

Stuart, thanks very much for the acknowledgement -- but teach your fellow Aussie some manners, will ya?
Leo Jay - May 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Phil: Thanks for the tribute, but... does this mean my life as a parodist is over? Perhaps it is, now that I've been stabbed in the back by Reuben...
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - May 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Noted, Leo. However, I come in second for Aussies torturing souls via the colosseum. This should ring a bell: "Are you not entertained?"
Jeff Reuben - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Rats, if I'd have known I'd get this much crap for giving a 2 for pacing, I'd have actually given it! =)
Leopatra - May 09, 2005 - Report this comment
Ha, Jeff -- sorry to make you the fall guy.


I must confess, though, Jeff -- I don't quite get the logic behind a 553... what gives?

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