Caesar's dead, Caesar's dead!
All of Rome is quite upset!
All the populus is sobbing and the word's just barely spread;
What a sham, what a shame! Who's at fault here, who's to blame?
(Though we're loath to make accusals, we have heard the deed was Brutal)
Cassius too, in his way, is a man with feet of clay,
So perhaps he did the deed to get ahead;
Under a Roman arch on this Fifteenth of March
Caesar lies dead, Caesar's dead, Caesar's dead!

Caesar's dead! Caesar's dead!
Ah -- the Senate's hands are red!
(Though they claim they had to do it once success went to his head)
He had pow'r, fame and wealth -- more than Jupiter himself,
And they felt he showed an interest in ascending to Olympus,
So a coup advised: "Cut that ego down to size!"
(And a coup's a dud unless some blood is shed)
Although we loved him so, they say he had to go
So now he's dead, Caesar's dead, Caesar's dead!

Caesar's dead! Caesar's dead!
(as the Seer had foresaid;
When he said the sooth, it was the truth: the Ides were filled with dread!)
He'd been warned by his wife, who was fearful for his life,
But there was no swaying Caesar, too self-centered to appease her:
"There's no fear in this beast, I am frightened not the least!"
(But to her, this was the last he ever said)
Not 'til "Et tu Brute?" did he think, "Hey, no way --
I can't be dead!" (But he's dead,
'cause they hacked him all to shreds)
Caesar's dead! Caesar's dead! Caesar's dead!

Caesar's dead! Caesar's dead!
Who will warm Calpurnya's bed?
Will she stay a weeping widow, or intend to be re-wed?
Will she sit home alone with her books on Ancient Rome
Or get hot between the covers with a fellow Latin lover?
Maybe Mark Antony? What a stand-up guy is he!
Will he be the next for whom her legs are spread?
Perhaps he longs for her, perhaps he'll conquer her
In Caesar's stead (since he's dead) Caesar's dead!

All respect to Caesar:
Julius the People Pleaser!
How plebians would romanticize his life!
Ev'ry Ro-man wished that they could be him,
Each Ro-woman wished to be his wife;
When he conquered Gaul,
he was the toast of one and all!
(Well, all except the ones he never thought to fear...)
Even with the chance that some were scheming,
Who'd have thought that Brutus would turn out to be a Judas?

Now he's dead! Caesar's dead!
Who'll be emperor instead?
There's no Emperor-in-Waiting, so by whom will we be led?
What about Nero Three? He's as handsome as can be!
(Nah -- he looks good in a toga, but his mind is mediocre)
Or Caligula Four? (Nah -- he's busy screwing whores --
It's a chore for him to just get out of bed)
Whom will the Senate choose to fill dear Caesar's shoes
Now that he's dead -- Caesar's dead,
(...As ad nauseam's been said...)
Caesars' dead, Caesar's dead, Caesar's dead!