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Song Parodies -> "John Locke"

Original Song Title:

"Gaston"

Original Performer:

Beauty and the Beast

Parody Song Title:

"John Locke"

Parody Written by:

Bilbopooh

The Lyrics

A tribute to John Locke, perhaps the most iconic character on LOST, by about 20 of the characters (some of them long-dead). OS here.
Ben: How it confused me to see you, John Locke,
Looking so lost and depressed.
Everything was “destiny” to John Locke,
Sure to work out for the best.
I always had failed to unnerve you before;
I now wonder why I would try.
Oddly, I long to preserve you now, for
To impress me, John, you had to die.

Smokey: No one’s been, like John Locke,
Made a twin like John Locke.
Kate: No one’s pulled off an orange-peel grin like John Locke.
Desmond: Oh, his skills with a blade were just scary.
Hurley: Dude, he undid my canteen!
Sun: Though I know his head wasn’t too hairy,
‘Twas the shiniest specimen I’ve ever seen.

Smokey: No one’s used like John Locke
And abused like John Locke.
Jack: No one “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”s like John Locke.
Smokey: No one else is as primed for manipulation.
I miss that guy, that John Locke.

Ben: A man of faith,
Of firm belief.
Richard: John Locke truly sought,
And I thought he’d be a chief.

Boone: No one’s charred as John Locke,
Had it hard as John Locke.
Shannon: No one’s face is as eerily scarred as John Locke.
Sayid: Yes, he went through a number of tussles.
Christian: He got shot and he shattered his leg.
Rose: But he had such miraculous muscles.
Sawyer: Darn right!
If brawn were a brew, then he drank a whole keg.

Jin: No one knots like John Locke,
Claire: Swaddles cloths like John Locke.
Charlie: No one makes metaphors about moths like John Locke.
Claire: No one else is as crafty at crib creation.
I owe a lot to John Locke.

Eko: No other man could have seemed quite so sincere
When he quietly said, “I was wrong.”
Walt: He always respected me when I was here.
All: Oh, it’s clear he’s earned this little song.

Jacob: I attest that John Locke
Was my guest, and John Locke
Never needed to doubt he was blessed as John Locke.
I agree his life merits a celebration.

All: I miss that guy, John Locke!

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 LittleLots
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 3.6
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 4   2
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

A little LOST myself... - August 03, 2010 - Report this comment
Fine work, Sir John... didn't follow the series but your intricate n' devious rhymin' & word choice no doubt pays it fine homage...
Bilbopooh - August 03, 2010 - Report this comment
Thankee! Ooh, I rather like the idea of my rhymes being "devious"... 8-)
Tommy Turtle - August 03, 2010 - Report this comment
I'm totally confused. (doesn't take much) I though we were talking about John Locke, (29 August 1632 – 28 October 1704), one of the leading British philosophers of the Enlightenment, and a major influence on US Founding Father Thomas Jefferson and on Jefferson's best-known work, The Declaration Of Independence of the United States of America. ... Can't match that guy to this guy, so abstaining. If you do one on the other Locke, you've got a Locke on my vote, lol!
Bilbopooh - August 03, 2010 - Report this comment
Ha! Yes, I wonder how *that* John Locke would feel about *this* boar-hunting baldie making off with his name. LOST was really into name-checking philosophers, but John Locke was probably the most notable namesake. If I ever do an ode to 17th-century Locke, I'll be sure to post it here! :-P
Dost thou stick thy tongue at *me*, Sir? - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Great comment, until the :-P. You'd be surprised at what has gone over very well here, including numerous parodies of Shakespeare (most, if not all, of them by yours truly, or by yours truly & partner), Dante (14th-century Renaissance poet), Homer (not Simpson, you silly fool, although admittedly, he's more popular here than the ancient Greek author of the "Iliad" and the "Odyssey"), etc. ...

If you have the curiosity and the idle time, search my author page for "Shakespeare", and search the author page of "Fiddlegirl and Tommy Turtle" for Shakespeare, Dante, and "The Face That Launched A Thousand Ships" (the siege of Troy described by Homer.)

More "class" on this site than one might expect, coexisting quite well with parodies about bodily functions and sheep-mating. ;-)
Bilbopooh - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Hehe! I have an unhealthy attachment to the tongue-sticking-out smilie. He just seems to pop up all over the place in my posts... I do think Philosopher Locke would make a great parody subject, but I'm not sure I'm the one to do him justice!

I shall indeed check out some of your literary lyrics! It's high time I brushed up my Shakespeare (and Dante and Homer)!
Tommy Turtle - August 04, 2010 - Report this comment
Looking forward to your critical analyses, and hope you don't get "LOST"! ;-D

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