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Song Parodies -> "Chia Pests"

Original Song Title:

"Be Our Guest"

Original Performer:

Beauty and the Beast

Parody Song Title:

"Chia Pests"

Parody Written by:

Rick Cormier

The Lyrics

This show opens in a specialty boutique, the Vining Room, dealing mainly in potted Chia plants. In walks a shopper, Gus Tomer. He is immediately met by a sales clerk, one C.D. Deelz. As you sing along, I invite you to play a little game: Somewhere within the parody, is the name of a science. Be the first to find and, comment on it and, you win the glorious prize of being the first to find and, comment on it.
(C.D.) My dear shopper, it is with deepest pride
and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight.
And now we invite you to relax, let down your hair
as the Vining Room proudly presents - your Chias!

Don't be nervous, they're the best!
Pour some water in the pottery
And watch it grow a nest

(Gus)Toupee cure?
(C.D.) Not so sure
Try one on, I will observe
Why, it's great stuff!
Guess who this is?
(Gus) Eyes deceive me? It's the missus!

(C.D.) Look, there's Sting
Sid and Nance
Here's John Holmes without his pants
How long this one grows is anybody's guess

If you're alone, they'll mend you
Happily, befriend you
Chia Pests!
Chia Pests!
Chia Pests!

(C.D. and Chorus) Chic hairdos!
Tease away
Cuba Gooding! Beyonce!
You'll just stare, observe their hair
Amazing! You can't turn away

Sharon Stone
In that chair
See the copse she's raising there

(Gus) I think this one is a goner
(C.D.) No, sir, that's Sinead O'Connor

(Gus) Holy smokes! Stevie Nicks?
(C.D.) No, that's Weird Al Yankovic

(Chorus) Why, it's just a parody
Of famous tetes

They'll be a friend for life
They'll bitch less than your wife
They're Chia Pests

(C.D.) Finely tressed,
There are optional hairnets

(C.D. and Chorus) Chia Pests!
Chia Pests!
Chia Pests!

(C.D.) They are so deserving
Of a master who's unswerving
It would thrill them, if your sill, they'd sit upon
Add some water and they will be fruitful
Suddenly, a lovely mane, they've grown

You don't have to walk "em
And, you cannot overtalk "em
They will listen to you, till you speak your fill
No noise, they just lay around, no hassle
Maybe Patrick Swayze?
Or, one of the Dukes? Ah, Daisy!

(Chorus) Chia Pests!
Chia Pests!
They will thrive at your behest
Over there's Mariah Carey
With new growth upon her chest

Watch them spurt
From their seeds
Life in action, yes indeed
(Gus) That's one gauche white Anglo-Saxon
(C.D.) Au contraire, it's Michael Jackson

See Kate's Moss
George's Bush
(Gus) What's that coming out his tush?
(C.D.) I give up! That one just has to make a mess

(Chorus) But, brother, you can't lose
If, Forrest Gump, you choose
They're Chia Pests!
Chia Pests!
Chia Pests!

(Chorus) Chia Pests!
Chia Pests!
In demand from east to west
They keep flying off our shelves to loving homes
And happiness

Such a thrill
Watch them grow
If you've bought any, you know
Marge's blue-do is humongous
Don't they look like
Loads of fun, Gus?

Fine or course
"Fro or bun
They will sprout in shade or sun
They're the greatest of the flora, we profess
We think you really need "em
They need you, can't beat "em
Chia Pests!
Chia Pests!
Chia Pests!

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 29

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   25

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rick C - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Sorry for the typo in the final verse. I meant to say, "Fine or coarse".
Paul Robinson - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Well, I have tried to completely avoid this OS (I have, actually), so I can't say as I know how it goes. But this is a clever read, Rick C.
alvin rhodes - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
ch-ch-ch-chockful of ch-ch-ch-chilling imagery
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
I guess it's one of those "learn about puberty from chia pets" stores, right?
Phil Alexander - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Superb, Rick: not entirely sure what a Chia is, but there are way too many brilliant takes here to care about that minor detail. Loved the "Gauche white Anglo-Saxon"... and anything that mentions Daisy Duke :-)
Paul Robinson - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Oh, mean they don't sell 'Chia Pets' in the U.K. ? Wow! OK..."Chia Pets"...are ceramic figures that have some sort of stuff on their outsides so that when they are watered it grows some sort of moss or whatever that looks like "fur" or "hair" or whatever. So as you water your stupid ceramic figure, see where this is headed. It's been a staple of American Late-Night TV Ad-Crapola for decades now...I imagine it still is, although I don't watch TV anymore, except on occasions where I'm visiting someone who is watching it. I hope I've described them properly, if not, maybe someone will correct or modify what I've told you ~ ~ ~
Cat - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Whoa, Rick! How'd THIS one pop into your head? Nonetheless, this was really great, and one of the most unique ideas I've seen on here, certainly.
AFW - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
This Chia parody sort of grows on ya'..good job
Rick C - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Paul, alvin, Peter, Phil, Paul again, Cat and AFW :-).
Ed - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Very silly, clever, fun. A super job you did. You are quite talented and imaginative. One of the funniest parodies I've read lately. Chia pets, I never would have thought of that. I love it! Oh and by the way, the hidden science is botany. (In the line where it says bought any)
Stuart McArthur - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
wow, so many witty swipes at celebs, Rick - brilliant stuff - I loved the Sinead O'Connor and Michael Jackson ones the best - great set-ups for the gags too - 555
Rick C - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Ed and Stu.
Larry Hensley - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but wonderfully wacky one, 555's
Red Ant - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Holy crap! This is beyond a 5 for funny. "I think this one is a goner/ No, sir, that's Sinead O'Connor" it one of the best lines ever! (you realise that you will owe me 20$ should my keyboard cease to function from having Pepsi sprayed into it through my nostils-seriously ;-)). TMGLTM, and IMO you have your May SOTM entry here.
Rick C - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Jack. Yeah, this will probably be my entry for SOTM. Oh yeah, Ed found the hidden science! What'd ya expect, this ain't Jeopardy!
Rick C - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Oops, forgot Larry. Thank you, Larry :-)
Johnny D - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Freakin' original & clever, Rick C --- YOU WACKY! :-D
Rick C - May 22, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, JD. - May 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Sharon Stone raising a copse while "raising" cops - heh heh. TMGLTM but I had to M that one. World-class stuff, man. It made the little green hairs on my neck stand straight up.
Rick C - June 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Spaff. I figured you'd catch that one.
Chris Bodily TM - June 04, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) First of all what does TMGLTM mean? Is that a new acronymn on here? The Most Glamourous Lizard Tom Marone? The Mighty Gorilla Larry The Monkey? Anyway, this one is absolutely hilarious in every way, shape, and form. Too bad we can't say the same for real Chia pets. 555
Adagio - June 05, 2006 - Report this comment
What imagination!! This is all funny! Somehow it just might make owning one a little more palatable if they were in those shapes. 5's
Rick C - June 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you, Chris and Adagio.
Matthias - June 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Agrimorfee - June 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Incred. Totally original idea, satire, puns, glorious rhymes, perfect pace. What more could anyone want in a parody?
Red Ant - June 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above, and the keyboard is working fine. ;-)
Cat - June 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This should really be the jingle for all those Chia Head commercials! (although Disney might have copyright issues...) Yeah, enjoyed it even more on a reread, and there were lots of good lines. This really is going to be a tough month.

Oh and Chris...TMGLTM = Too Many Good Lines To Mention.
Max Power - June 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Rick C - June 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Matthias, Agri, Red Ant, Cat and Max.
Confission - June 15, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) phenomenal. i recently ordered the tye-chia 5000, which resembles tye pennington and performs slow martial arts movements
Rick C - June 15, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you Confission. Hey Tony and Leon, go sell your wares elsewhere. I'm tryin' to sell Chia's here.
Matthias - June 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Katie's Moss, George's Bush... amazing!!!!!!!!!!
bobpiecheese - June 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Pacing was almost spot on, but I have to confess...what in the world is this about?
bobpiecheese - June 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Oops, that was supposed to have SOTM before it. My bad.
Rick C - June 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Matthias and bobpiecheese. What is this about? I'll let Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary answer for me..... Parody: 1 : a literary or musical work in which the style of an author or work is closely imitated for comic effect or in ridicule.
Rick C - June 21, 2006 - Report this comment
I just realised that I thanked bobpiecheese for insulting me. Now I'd like to answer for myself. You said, "pacing is almost spot on", "what in the world is this about?" Since two people in a prior SOTM docked me for pacing on a perfectly paced parody, forgive me if I'm a little testy about it now. You said the pacing was iffy but, you (and a few others in this round) didn't bother to take a couple of seconds to indicate that by rating the parody by clicking the radio buttons above. This makes me wonder if you bothered to take a couple of minutes to read it. I did both on your entry. If you had read it, you would understand that it is a musical-comedy, written as if it were to be performed onstage in front of a live audience. I described the set and introduced the characters but, it requires using a little bit of your imagination to visualize the scene as it is being played out. Had you done so, you may have laughed once or twice. This is a social satire, poking fun at chias, commercials, movie stars (Beauties) and ourselves (Beasts). OK, now that I've ruined my chances of ever winning a SOTM, good luck to the rest of you. I won't be entering any more after this.
Paul Robinson - June 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Rick, I THINK bobpiecheese (and BTW, what does THAT mean???)was wondering what Chia pets were...but then again, yesterday I "yelled" at somebody here who I THOUGHT was making a brainless attack on a political parody I posted...Whoever it was apparently THOUGHT they were giving me a new parody idea, although on re-reading their remark I still have a hard time figuring out how-in-the-World and why-in-the-World they would THINK anyone could understand their comment (Uh...sure hope it wasn't you...they used a psuedonym)...uh...what was I saying here...and why was I saying it? Anyway, I'm no longer doing the contests may sound selfish, but I've always had a problem dealing with "Required Reading"...that perspective turns what should be enjoyable into a chore for me...But I (to almost no one's surprise) digress...Anyway, I'm sure (well, almost sure) that no one (well, almost no one) will hold a little tirade against you in the voting. We're all (well, most of us) bigger than that...Boy, that was fun ~ ~ ~
bobpiecheese - June 22, 2006 - Report this comment
To Paul: bobpiecheese was taken from my little brother. He drives me up the wall by saying 'pie' and 'cheese' (don't ask me how!), and he has a penguin sticker on his glasses caled 'Bob'. So I coind the word 'bobpiecheese' from him.
Rick C - June 23, 2006 - Report this comment
I have apologized to bobpiecheese in the voting thread for my going off the deep end. He was questioning what chias are, not what this was about. Paul, the only pseudonym I've ever used is Rick C (except for once, in defense of a parodist whose work was being attacked by Lurker) so, it was someone else commenting on your parody the other day. Sometimes, I do have a problem with "required reading" too but, for the most part, I enjoy the SOTM because most of the entries are worth reading, since the authors present what they feel is their best work and, since I sometimes miss them when they are first posted, due to a lack of free time lately.
Rex - June 23, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Holy Chia! This is greatness!
Stuart McArthur - June 24, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) a joy to revisit this one Rick, and even funnier the second time - there's like an inspired gag every couple of lines - great work-rate! - oh, and way to go with the rant! There should be more of it - letting off steam is a good thing - although I understand bobpie's comment because I also have never heard of Chia pets, and bobpie and I are both Aussies, so I think that explains it - I know what they are now though, mainly thanks to this parody!
Rick C - June 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you, Rex and Stu again.
Johnny D - June 25, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
wannabemustangjockey - June 26, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - bobpiecheese: Your brother and I must be related somehow, because pie and cheese are two of my favorite words that I say a lot, as well as Bob. Small world, eh? And Rick: about the song... odd but very, very interesting.
Arwen - June 27, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM...John Holmes...naughty...; ) Great job, Rick...excellent all around!
Rick C - June 28, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks again, JD, wannabemustangjockey and Arwen. - July 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Still love it, man. Congrats on the win.
Rick C - July 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Mr. Spaff :-)
Wanda - July 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Very funny Rick...but I would expect nothing less from you. So....when do I get to see it performed live?
Jeff Reuben - July 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Brilliant job, the "Toupee cure?" lines reminded me of the old "Chia Head" SNL skit. Congrats on the SOTM win!
Francois B. - July 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Lots of recognizable names...good comments...but was serious i didn't really laugh...i guess it's not my kind of humor....nice write though
Spoof-Man - September 05, 2006 - Report this comment
As Tony The Tiger would say "GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" :-]
Rick C - March 06, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Wanda, Jeff, Francois B and Spoof-Man :-)
Below Average Dave - March 07, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Well, this one is of the usual Rick C standard (afraid I'll mis-spell your name again) Anyhow, It seems all great parodists at one point or another target Be Our Guest, I haven't yet. . .and when I read so many that are well written like this, I don't know that I want to because there are so many good ones out there already.
Matthias - March 15, 2007 - Report this comment
My favorite BOG ever!!! Only one thing would make it better would be comparing Chewbacca to Robin Williams....
wannabemustangjockey - March 23, 2007 - Report this comment
SOTY - Having heard pretty much all of your recorded parodies, I think this would be a very good candidate to add to your impressive SoundClick gallery.
Claude Prez - July 24, 2014 - Report this comment
Today's classic is another one I've inexplicably never commented upon. it is tremendous

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