My dear minions of hell, it is the steepest glide
With fateless measure that we puke on you tonight
And how can you fight when you are lax, watch us pull out your hair as the movie room loudly projects…
A sinner!

It’s a test, it’s a test
Parody much unlike the rest
Hangman’s noose ‘round my neck, maybe
But I’ll jump right in with zest
Silly boor throws a curve
Such tenacity and verve
But I stand tough
It’s bodacious
Don’t mess with me, I’m too vicious
Hard it seems? Take the chance
Writing in my underpants
For to finish up this epic is my quest
Take the pace and rhyme, dude
And the good attitude
Pass this test
All in jest
It’s a test

We all do this here song,
Then we make the words all wrong
Somewhat scared, this I swear
A candelabra sang today
And a spoon
Teeth were bared
And a teapot’s thoughts were shared
All the housewares, they were dancing
While a beauty was applauding
I don’t smoke, I don’t fix
But this imagery still sticks
But now in all due haste
Don’t shake and sweat
Come on now, show yer sass
And shake yer groovy ass
And pass this test
Get undressed
Skip your clothing, bare your chest
It’s a test, it’s a test?
It’s a jest

(this verse not included in the original film:)
Brush your dentures down with Crest
Go astray, watch as we play
In disarray, this room is messed
Feed your head, flowers droop
It’s in his kiss, sing shoop shoop shoop
But there’s nothing that’s so finer
Than to be in Caroliner
In the morn, it’s so real
Come and turn the spinning wheel
It is not the brown acid you should ingest
There is more in store
When you climb up off the floor
Pass the test
It’s a test, it’s a test

What makes you so deserving
Of a croissant while you’re stirring
Coffee in your cup and feel so put upon?
And these fuddy-duds who found you all truthful
Suddenly you’ve become a rolling stone,
Slaving and ball-busting,
Feeling exorcised without a payback on the bills?
Sundays you just play around and hassle
Gabby, Pat and Daisy
Driving all of us so crazy

In my chest, in my chest
Acid reflux, hard digest
Life’s abhorred, I’m off my gourd-
‘N Lightfoot, so obsessed
Iron shirt and you’ll be
On the way to Tuscany
While the pups they start a-bawling
Something troubling, we’re a-calling
Slame the brakes! Oh, poppycock!
Back it up, we’ll let the company divest
Looking kind of blue,
Is it the dumps for you?
Boo-Hoo, duressed
He’s confessed!
He’s been blessed!
(Such a pest!)
It’s a test
(It’s a jest!)

Pass the test, pass the test
We demand and do behest
Here’s the tears that made all the living here
A hornet’s nest
What’s the deal?
Help me, please!
You’re inbred, your thoughts are cheese
We need to pull the row your hoing
Let’s be helpful and all-knowing
Voices hoarse, no more fun
No more shouts, guns set on ‘stun’
Then we drag you by your feet
While you protest
Tonight we’ll make a scene up
As to how you showed up
It’s a test, it’s a test?
Infinite jest!