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Song Parodies -> "Stuck on Your Sword"

Original Song Title:

"Part of Your World"

Original Performer:

Alan Menken (The Little Mermaid)

Parody Song Title:

"Stuck on Your Sword"

Parody Written by:

EmiLoca

The Lyrics

We're reading the Illiad in our English class and, for a project, my group has turned it into a series of musical monologues. This one is for Paris, who tells the true story of...himself...in a song that only a genuinely pretty boy could pull off.
Look at this buff
Man in the street
Wouldn't you think he'd be hard to defeat?
Shame I'm in love with a girl
The girl I stole from the King
Soldiers from Troy
Priests with bad breath
All expect me to avenge Hector's death
Watching Achilles, I think -
"Sword...geez, that's gonna sting!"

Oh Gods! Hermes, Apollo, please help me!
Don't want bruises or bloodstains or gore
(I want peace in a box...
Love aplenty!)
I'm so scared
It's surreal
Ten-year war...

I'm just a prince with a beauty mark
I run and flee
From each skirted prancer
Walkin' around with those...
(What do you call 'em?) Oh - shields.
Flippin' my hair, I can't risk a scar
Brains? Uninspired while watching lancin'
Aiming my bow at his...
(Vision's blurred again...)...feet!

Crap, I'm no jock!
Crap, it's begun!
Crap, in the fray, all slain, everyone
Oh, Achilles...
Don't wanna be
Stuck on your sword

What can I give
So I can live?
(Yes, I'm a coward)
Why can't I stay
Out of the fray
Safe in the stands?
But I'm a man -
(Cross-dressing's banned)
Cover blown - I'm not Priam's daughter
Scary, thrilling
Now blood's spilling
Red on my hand...

And red on my toes - crap, a bloody nose!
Sinus congestion,
Lymphatic cancer!
Hypochondriac, frightened git
(Run? Flee? Turn?) Sure!

Splendid - Troy burns!
Death, as I'm shoved
Legends of courage (or lack thereof)...
Legend of me
Bent down to pee -
Fell on my sword.

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 32

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 1
 
 5   31
 31
 30
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Kristof Robertson - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Welcome back, Emi!! This was the bees knees, btw....555
2nz - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice one, Emi. Glad to see you back. 11th is a tough grade, you end up doing a lot more than just your basic school work. I know it felt excellent when I wrote a parody for a college class. Made all this seem practical.
Stuart McArthur - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTOS Emiloca, but a fantastic read. Those priests with bad breath can get really nasty sometimes - 555
Arwen - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Funny stuff, Emi! 5s...
Johnny D - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
And thanks to you, it's now "The Silliad" ! ;-)
Know 1 can hear you dream - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
You had me fooled there Emi, I though this was gonna tangent whatfreaks-material and be something rather nasty... ;-)
John Barry - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
It's a classic!
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - November 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Well, well, well, couldn't resist your parodying instincts, could you? Had to come crawling back for praise and glory, eh? And you had to completely overpower my measly school-related parody with your wit and skill, in the process! (Correct me if I'm wrong, I haven't seen the film, but Orlando Bloom is Paris, isn't he?...just a passing thought.)
EmiLoca - November 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Kristof - Thanksya!
2nz - Actually, I'm in 10th grade, but basic school work is definitely a thing of the past. Glad to have your support...
WonderBra - I know you didn't comment, but you, too, have been exceptionally supportive.
Stuart - Thanks for the comment, and glad you didn't include anything that went along the lines of "cheap rhyme"...
Arwen - Funny stuff? FUNNY STUFF?!?!

Okay.

Johnny D - *chortle*
K1chyd - *inspiration*
John Barry - *:-)*
JARLB - Why, yes, he is! *swoon* - and it's an awful movie, don't see it unless you're ready-baby-yeah to see the upper half of a naked Bloom. Not for the faint of heart.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - November 07, 2004 - Report this comment
I'll make sure I recharge my pacemaker's battery.
Ashkicksass - November 07, 2004 - Report this comment
This is AWESOME Emi! I laughed from start to finish!!
The Thought Police - November 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Pity poor Paris,that "Poor Vnfortvnate Sovl " I give this III V's
Caia (Little Lion) - November 14, 2004 - Report this comment
The most fun I've had reading anything about the Illiad this year (freshman year, latin 1 H, BLEAAAHH)! V's all around!!
Spaff.com - November 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Her first time back to the plate and Emi hits a Homer.
John Jenkins - November 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Well done, Emi. I like your take on the Trojan War, particularly the "cross dressing's banned" line, which is ironic because, before the war started, Achilles' mother, Thetis, tried to keep him out of the Greek army by dressing him as a woman.
Cookie-man - December 01, 2004 - Report this comment
Emi this was incredibly funny but the last couple lines put this one over the top! Great work! 555
Adagio - December 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS. but must be good, judging from the comments.
Cookie-man - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Forgot to put this in my initial comment (SOTM) :)
Rick D - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Loved it.
Scathe - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) It's been so long since I've heard this Disney song, but it came back quickly when I read this parody.
Arwen - December 10, 2004 - Report this comment
SOTM--I stand by my original comment...funny stuff, Emi...=)
Melhi - December 12, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I'm guessing you got an A+ on this one!
Phil Alexander - December 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Superb, Emi. You know, you guys are making it really hard to choose a SOTM...
Spaff.com - December 19, 2004 - Report this comment
I was going to make a bad joke about hitting a Homer, but some idiot beat me to it over a month ago.
Excellent stuff. My favorite line this go-round is "(What do you call 'em?) Oh shields." You're great.
Tim Mayfield - December 22, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) EmiLoca, witty, satirical and fun, all the makings of a classic! 5's
Johnny D - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above
Stuart McArthur - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) already commented, but stacks up well the second reading, Emi
Claude Prez - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Have some --whattya call em? -- fives. Still can't believe you're only sixteen, when I was that age I was writing stupid fart parodies. Wait, I do that now...Anyway, FUNNY STUFF
Peregrin - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
Good grief, Emi, what were you on? Interesting! I have a policy never to get close enough to a priest to find out if they have bad breath!
Meriadoc - December 29, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) DKTOS, but I love these lyrics!
Jeff Reuben - December 30, 2004 - Report this comment
Sorry it took so long to comment. I had to go back and read the Iliad to make sure I understood it. And being the idiot I am, I accidently read the Odyssey first! All that said, it was worth the effort.
Paul Robinson - December 31, 2004 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Excellent work - even though I don't know the OS I'm going "5's" here since you have 23/23 "5's" on pace and the story here is outstanding.
martha - January 04, 2005 - Report this comment
superb stuff Emi really imaginative!!! )SOTM)
Val R. or Paris - July 17, 2005 - Report this comment
Hhehehe. I hope you guys are proud of yourselves. This is really funny. Don't hate Paris because I'm- I mean he is pretty. WRITE MORE PARODY SONGS!! I THINK YOUR TEACHER WOULD GIVE YOU EXTRA CREDIT!!!!
G30RG3 - October 22, 2005 - Report this comment
I loved it especially that last part. Very amusing. 5s al the way

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