(Ma chere, students, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that we welcome you today. Now, we invite you to tense up, sit yourselves in your chairs, as the school board proudly presents...your finals.)

Take...the...test!
Take the test!
Want to pass? Then be our guest!
Grab your pencils and T-80's,
And we'll provide the rest.
Multi-choice, short response,
You can't pass with nonchalance!
It's still failure if you're only second best!
Come on, get out your cranium
To know 'bout uranium!
Take the test! Take the test! Take the test!

If you fail, it's okay,
Most will do it anyway.
Even though they're in the poorhouse
Making money from the whorehouse.
Take this into account
As you see how tests amount
To explain why they should send back your request!
If you have awful scores,
It's not our fault, it's yours!
Just take the test!
If you're stressed,
That's too bad! We'll ignore when you protest!
Take the test! Take the test! Take the test!

Live is so unnerving,
When the grades are always curving.
It's not fair if losers share the passing grade.
Ah, those good old days, without corruption.
Now, those days are gone, I am afraid.
Ten years, we've been passing
Students who are just half-assing,
With their laziness, a lack of real skills!
Most days, we just automate the process.
We've become so lazy,
We'd think someone smart is crazy!

Take the test! Take the test!
If you're smart, well, I'll be blessed!
We'll be floored! We'll thank the Lord!
We'll show just how much we're impressed!
It's a sight yet to see,
But, my friends, it's fine with me,
If a student shows his greatness,
We'll make sure we don't show lateness
To give him one-hundred,
For the grade of this year's spread!
We'll show everyone that this kid is the best!
We'd have a lot to do,
Even more if there's two
Who pass the test! (Pass the test!)
Pass the test! (Pass the test!)

Take the test! Take the test!
Once it's done, it's laid to rest!
It's been years since
We've had anybody pass, and we're obsessed!
Get it done! Do it right!
And we'll praise you through the night!
There's no reason to be fighting
Against doing some light writing
For...the...test!
Question 10!
Get it right, we'll say "Amen!"
And we may go into cardiac arrest!
Even though it may kill us,
Getting A's would thrill us!
Take the test! Take the test!
Take the test!
Please pass....the...test!