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Song Parodies -> "Hand In Your Pocket"

Original Song Title:

"Hand In My Pocket"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Alanis Morissette

Parody Song Title:

"Hand In Your Pocket"

Parody Written by:

Sarcastic Paranoid

The Lyrics

An old rule of thumb in politics has been that Democrats tend to get entangled in sex scandals while Republicans get into trouble over financial shenanigans. These last few decades, a great many glaring exceptions have appeared, starting with Abscam and continuing into Reid and Foley's scandals today. The great oddity of our time, however, is how--beginning with Bill Clinton--these two kinds of scandals have become increasingly difficult to tell apart.
He whores, but it's legal;
Wants your booty stash.
That might mean your money, yeah-ah.
Likes high-rising taxes;
He invented the internet--
And lost, but almost won--maybe.

Now, what it all comes down to
Is the difference between what's mine and thine,
'Cause he's got one hand in your pocket,
And he's tryin' to log in to your... laptop.

He's quite stuffed with odd papers,
But he did not screw with them;
At least, we sure hope not, yeah-ah!
He's lazy, but reckless;
Got caught, but he got away.
He uses his cigars... strangely!

And what it all comes down to
Is that something here isn't really quite all right.
'Cause he's got one hand in your pocket,
And the other one is stuffing things down his pants.

And what it all comes down to
Is that he still hasn't got his cigar out just yet,
'Cause he's got one hand in your pocket,
And the other one is grabbing your... assets.

His deal was unfocused;
His deal was unwise;
His ethics are doubtful, maybe.
They're mad 'cause they're laughing;
They're "brave" 'cause they're hypocrites;
They're pricks without a clue, baby!

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's got the scandal figured out just yet,
But he's got one hand in your pocket,
And the other one making a shady land deal.

And what it all comes down to, my friends, yeah,
Is that all the leftards do is whine, whine, whine!
Still, they've got one hand in your pocket,
And the other one is stroking your... taxables.
What really sets the two parties apart these days is that the Republicans inconsistently adhere to and practice a necessarily less-than-ideal form of morality while Democrats--almost without exception--consistently and sometimes even sincerely adhere to and practice a thoroughly evil ideology. Redefining evil as good, after all, is far easier (and often more socially accepted) than following what really is good and admitting to your errors when you inevitably fall short of the ideal. That's why leftards have no qualms about spewing a steady stream of lies at us even as they feign moral outrage at the "lies"--real or imagined--of their opponents.

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Pacing: 3.9
How Funny: 3.6
Overall Rating: 3.6

Total Votes: 14

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