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Song Parodies -> "Tonto's Confession"

Original Song Title:

"Love Ain't No Stranger"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Whitesnake

Parody Song Title:

"Tonto's Confession"

Parody Written by:

Agrimorfee

The Lyrics

In wild west where desert wind blow
I am Indian, they just call me Tonto
Tonto find no fine squaw to love
Tonto he then meet Lone Ranger

Him ride a horse name Silver I see
Him wear black mask to hide identity
Me pinching self, say "Is this a dream?"
Tonto falling for Lone Ranger

We skip stones over near lake bluff
We skinny dip in lake, that not so tough
Come the morning, yes Tonto's heart swell
Way out in wilderness, you do not need motel

Tonto love Ranger
Him not a stranger
Tonto love Ranger
It is Lone Ranger him love, Hi-yo! Hi-Yo!

Heap strange attraction, but him fill a need
It could be fancy clothes him wear while he ride his steed
Him heap good loving, when away Tonto may swoon
Him leave no silver bullet behind, him come back soon

Tonto love Ranger
Him not a stranger
Tonto love Ranger
Tonto, Lone Ranger in love

Yes, Tonto not like most Navajos
Tonto has a love heap like a rose
Who else is Tonto going to love?
Not his horsey!
Love heap Lone Ranger
Him not a stranger

On road we roam, with the stars above
We catch 'um bad guys, all the big hero stuff
Tonto has the passion for Captain Dan Reid
This kemosabe bring what Tonto need

Tonto love Ranger
Him not a stranger
Tonto love Ranger
Him be the ranger I love

Tonto love Ranger, him not a stranger...
Copyright 2008, Agrimorfee. "Thank you, Masked Man!" (Source: wikipedia. The Ranger's true name may have been Dan or John, depending on sources. Tonto's tribal origins have never been specified, but some sources claim Apache or Potwotami. So nitpickers, don't take any of this as canon!)

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 26

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 1
 
 2   0
 1
 0
 
 3   1
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   24
 24
 24
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

littleSquawCakes - June 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Lord Agree, I must say, that this is your BEST ever! Sooo Cowboy! And sooo very ' ol'Roy ' !! Although the Tres Hermanos Campagna would NOT care for this . . . I find it a rather lilting tribute to the 'buddy' theme, so often seen in American movies/TV. Great work, Sir !
Phil Alexander - June 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Yippie kai yay... fantastic, Ag :-D
Guy - June 17, 2008 - Report this comment
Tonto ambush bad man in canyon. Tonto scare him horse. Him horse go wild and throw heap bad man to ground. Bad man no move. Tonto think him have broke back.

Fine write here Aggie - most entertaining - Five-Oh Silver!
Kristof Robertson - June 18, 2008 - Report this comment
I broke my back coming down a mountain so I could read this....gloriously funny, Ag, and a special mention for "Way out in wilderness, you do not need motel"...big heap 5s, kemosabe!
Kristof Robertson - June 18, 2008 - Report this comment
I've just read Guy's comment....d'oh! :-(
LilSquawTress - June 18, 2008 - Report this comment
2nd View: Sir Agree, good verbage fo r" Tonto-Dearest ". Ingun speak broke' English . . . very good write indeed, Sir ! Sounds 'right out of the '50's' !
Matthias - June 24, 2008 - Report this comment
This takes all of those gay cowboy parodies to a new and delightfully funny level. I too was a fan of the "Way out in wilderness, you do not need motel", as well as doing the entire thing in half English, which Tonto used.
Max Power - June 25, 2008 - Report this comment
Yippie-Ki-Yay cowboy ****** Tonto wish he could quit him
Rex - July 01, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Could a wild west version of "Zorro, the Gay Blade" be in the works? Heap big laughs!
bobpiecheese - July 07, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) This one heap funny, though I never see the show! Me too young, see. Agri get 5's from me, kemosabe (heh, that's a funny word)!
Below Average Dave - July 07, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) I also am not familiar with Tonto, but you painted enough of a picture to where I didn't need to. Before realizing what you were doing, I was getting grammar shock--but as I got further into it and realized how weird this would have sounded with proper grammar, I was very pleased with the result.
Ethan Mawyer - July 08, 2008 - Report this comment
This is the funniest that I've read so far in the competition (artistry whitesnake, going top to bottom) and I think it's mostly because of the caricatured language, with "not his horsey" being my favorite line.
Jason - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Excellent!
Wolverine - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Another childhood favorite ruined. First was the realization of Bert and Ernie, now this. Is nothing sacred? (of course I know the answer to that, NO!) :-) Very funny write.
LittleSquawCake - July 09, 2008 - Report this comment
Lord Agree, really Sir, this is quite good, perhaps ~ WranglerWestern.com ~ would post it ?!? It takes 4 weeks for them to review each poem. Then there's ~GayCowBoyCentral.com~ I know they'd love it !! Your poem is a true gem containing all the elements of delightful parody, it being naughty, edgy, Sexy, Funny & RETRO. Good luck, Sir.
Peter Andersson - July 20, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - Sioux that's the story, huh? Guess they also reincarnated as Batman and Robin in the next century then...
Max Power - July 20, 2008 - Report this comment
See above...wait that's a pigeon!!! RUN!!!
Jeff Reuben - July 22, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Done in character exceptionally well, and while I didn't think it was one of your funniest songs, I did think it was a very well written song.
McKludge - July 22, 2008 - Report this comment
SOTM - Tarzan think this good parody. Frankenstein agree, he say "Hrrrrnn!"
Seemed like a few pacing issues with the recording, maybe it scans exactly with printed lyrics. But the absurdity of the lyrics more than compensated. 455
bobpiecheese - July 30, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above, kemosabe (I still say it's a funny word)!
Matthias - July 30, 2008 - Report this comment
It didn't break my back reading this again.
Phil Alexander - July 31, 2008 - Report this comment
Still brilliant... I can almost hear a vaguely Americanized Coverdale singing this :-)


...and a security code of "VYL" - not normally of note, but I've only got the OS on vinyl
Below Average Dave - July 31, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Well, you got my opinion back in the Whitesnake round on this one:)
Guy - July 31, 2008 - Report this comment
(SOTM-Jun-08) See my comments above - this one rocks. Amazing how steroetypical the old westerns were with the Native American vernacular. Great movies of late like "Dancing With Wolves" had the native speakers speaking in their own tongue with English sub-titles. Glad we are past for the most part "Heap big chief say no got 'em wumpum, here me trade 'em knife for firewater" My comments poke fun at the ignorance of the times and not the noble aborigine. I got the same take from your parody. Extremely well done.
Red Ant - July 31, 2008 - Report this comment
Brokeback Injun, lol. Barely remember the Lone Ranger, but I didn't need much to get this. The characterization was great and the idea excellent. "Way out in wilderness, you do not need motel" haha! 555
Fiddlegirl - October 19, 2009 - Report this comment
It's lonely out on the prairie... ;)
Guy - October 20, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC05T)

This is my 3rd view of this parody and it is still good. I'm running out of things to say so I'll throw a trivia question out and not fair looking online for the answer.

What was the actor's name who played Tonto? And no I did not look it up - I really know the answer.
LilSquawCakes - October 20, 2009 - Report this comment
Sir, I love it when you " talk Tonto " . . .
Stuart McArthur - October 28, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) yes, who really knows what goes on out on the prairies when the sun goes down and the winds arc up - a good companion-parody for Red Ant's entry, Ag - 555
Leo Keough - October 30, 2009 - Report this comment
ABC5(T) Doing the whole thing in Tonto-speak is what made this great!!!...555!!!
Melanie Lee - October 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Ouch! It doesn't help that I'm reading this one in a public library with a children's Halloween party going on! Cleverly written, quite well-built, but too un-P.C. in the wrong way for me (1/4 Native American), and it didn't strike my funnybone in the right way. (And I'm the one who did a Custer's Last Stand parody to the Beatles' Abbey Road medley!) 5-4-4 and a tomahawk to the head!
DJ Blaze - October 30, 2009 - Report this comment
The intentional grammar errors were awesome!!! 555!!!!
bobpiecheese - October 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC5) See above again, kemosabe!
Agrimorfee - October 31, 2009 - Report this comment
Melanie, I'm sorry, no offense to Native Americans was ever intended. I'm sure that Jay Silverheels probably rolled his eyes into his head whenever he got his weekly script, and thought to himself, "Eh, it's a paycheck."
Below Average Dave - November 01, 2009 - Report this comment
See above on this one.
Red Ant - November 01, 2009 - Report this comment
A pleasure revisiting one of your best parodies, Aggy.
LittleSquawCakes - November 02, 2009 - Report this comment
" Hubba Hubba," oh, Tonto Dearest . . .

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