(Chorus)
I'm gonna buy me a condom
And one for my sweetheart
Put one on for security
Save one with my credit cards
I'm gonna buy me a condom
When I want to go and spawn
And the funny little balloon
Will stay with me 'til dawn

Wo, used to do all the dance clubs
But I don't do that no more
Had to change my lifestyle
And visit the old drugstore
Now I'm just a lonely bank exec
With a nice bi-level downtown
Sold all my Barry White records
And I listen to New Age now
(Chorus)

Wo, gonna throw out the incense
Play a game of Mah-Jongg
A little more celibacy
A little less of the Ping-Pong
Just do what what the surgeon general has instructed me to do
I'm wearing one right now
Could I say the same for you?
(Chorus)

Ain't gonna play the field no more
Unless I have on my protector
Ain't gonna play the field no more
Unless I have on my protector
Wo-wo-wo,
I feel so very hard--I need a
Tro-Tro-Tro
Trojan before I dare start
(Chorus, repeatedly)