CHICLETS (parody of "Secrets"--track 7)
Chewing's going on, you got gum
Chewing, I can see
Chewing's good for a jaw's condition
My dentist told me
Now I'm chewing
Always chewing
In the Chiclets way
And this gum can still be bought cheap

STATE FARM (parody of "Die In Terror"--track 8)
I signed for State Farm Insurance
Late last Friday night
Not because I'm a paranoiac
The timing just seemed right
They treat me like a good neighbor
They'll help me every way
If I'm in an accident
And sadly pass away

HEAD AND SHOULDERS (Parody of "Red Rider"--track 9)
Head And Shoulders shampoo
If your scalp has blight
Dandruff falling on your sleeves
Makes one not look too bright
I say in passing, as a friend
I'm trying to be fair
If your noggin's got that tickle
It will help your hair

KAOPECTATE (Parody of "My Second Wife"--track 10)
Yesterday I had the runs almost all afternoon
I guess next time I should not eat so many macaroons
Guzzled down some Kaopectate, then I went to bed
Now I'm at the football game, 'cause now I don't feel dead