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Song Parodies -> "Can't Stand Her Hose Envy"

Original Song Title:

"Don't Stand So Close To Me"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

The Police

Parody Song Title:

"Can't Stand Her Hose Envy"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

Jung's teacher
Sigmund Freud
Wrote of girls' fantasies

[FREUD: ]

"She vahnts him,
so badly,
a father-figure, see?

"Inside her,
zere's longing,
zis girl's unconscious plea --

"Looks down and,
she's so full now,
of her penis envy"


[FREUD: ]

Can't stand,
Can't stand her,
Can't stand her hose envy
Can't stand,
Can't stand her,
Can't stand her hose envy


Freud's colleagues
So jealous
Those weirdos act like kids

Science can
Get so sleazy
When egos clash with ids

Repression
Projection
So bad it makes them hate

Freud says "Stop,
zees hating,
vhy don't you masturbate?"


[FREUD: ]

Go hand,
Go handle,
Go handle yourself please
Go hand,
Go handle,
Go handle yourself please


Carl Jung and
Sigmund Freud
Did not see eye to eye

Those two could
Not a-void
Their dogmatic divide

Jung's fed up
With Sigmund's
Notion that sex is all

And with Freud's
Li-ter-al
Oed-i-pus folderol


[FREUD: ]

I'd like
I'd like a
I'd like a cigar, please

[JUNG: ]

And what
And what's that
And what's that cigar mean?

[FREUD: ]

It means
Zat I'm a
Closet tobacco queen

[JUNG: ]

(That man,)
(That man's so,)
(That man's so sex-crazy!)
(I'm through)
(With Sigmund's)
(Dickhead philosophy!)

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 1
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   1
 0
 0
 
 5   18
 18
 18
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Paul Robinson - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Hmmm...ve vill haf to analyze dis more fully...in the meantime you can try and figure out what these this strange, repetitive numerical sequence really means..."5...5...5..."...
The Comic Penis - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
I know how you feel. 5's
Know 1 can hear you dream - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
The title alone is worth 5s. :-)
Rick D - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
I just did this song... yours is better.
alvin rhodes - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
wonderfully twisted stuff...5s
Adagio - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Ahh! That kind of hose. er...right? 5's
John Barry - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm laughing my ass off, with the realization that laughter is merely a manifestation of repressed hostility (hose-stility?) and that I'm clearly anally fixated.
Dee Range - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
555.. Great stuff, Johnny! Looks like Monica and Clinton didn't enjoy the cigar lines...heh heh heh
Meriadoc - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Really rooting for this one Johnny! ;-D
Johnny D - November 11, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Paul, TCP, K1chyd, Rick D, Alvin, Pat, John, Dee, and Meriadoc!
Stuart McArthur - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Like you, Johnny, I also am a Psychology major, and I think you've nailed Psychoanalysis 101, 201, 301, here - 555 from me (.....I think, unless you were projecting)
Olvan The Terrible - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Now THERE'S a new Amiright idea: psychological show tunes! I love it! I'm prescribing three fives.
Johnny D - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Stuart and Olvan!
Ingeborg S. Nordén - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Cute puns and intelligent commentary in the same song...Lucy only charged 5 cents for her psych sessions, but you deserve a triple nickel.
Johnny D - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Ingeborg.
Jeff Reuben - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
And here I thought the song was about panty hose till about half-way through
Johnny D - November 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Heh heh, thanks, Jeff! Zee things are not alvays vhat zey seem, ja? JA !!
Spaff.com - November 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Another fun one from the deep-Freud brain and Jung heart of Johnny DD.
Johnny D - November 14, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Doctor Spaff.

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