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Song Parodies -> "Argos"

Original Song Title:

"Tom's Diner"

Original Performer:

Suzanne Vega

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Wendy Christopher

The Lyrics

This parody probably rings more bells in the UK, since it is dedicated to the uniquely British retail environment that is - Argos! For those who've never experienced the 'joy' of shopping in Argos, allow me to explain the procedure. All the actual stock is hidden away in a big warehouse that you can't see; the only way to know what they actually sell is to search through their giant catalogues, which are piled up on counters around the store. You then write down the serial numbers next to the pictures of the items you want on a little form, hand it to one of the staff and then wait in another corner of the shop until they've hunted down your chosen items in the warehouse and brought them out to you. Why Argos ever imagined that this 'buy before you even see what you've bought' method would be a marvellous shopping experience is anyone's guess... but they're cheap, so I suppose that's why they still exist. Anyway, for the world's most boring shopping experience I thought only one of the world's most boring songs would do (well, it bores me anyway...) Here's the link to it..

I am walking into Argos, got to buy some Christmas presents
But don’t want to spend a fortune ‘cause I love them but not that much
And I can’t go into Poundland, I’d look stingy and unpleasant
When it comes to cheap but classy Argos wins it by a touch

Now I’m standing at the table and I’m opening the big book
Got my two-inch stubby pencil, I might steal it when I’m done here
Well they have a lot of stuff; it’s out the back where you can’t look
So take your numbers to the counter and the staff will disappear

They took away my numbers and they’ve gone to get all my things
Now I’ve got to go and wait beside that counter at the back there
So I join the other customers, it’s really quite depressing
Like we’re sitting at the doctors on our little plastic chairs

There’s a man just sat beside me, ‘hate’ is tattooed on his forehead
It is spelled quite incorrectly; I don’t think I’ll point that out though
And I can’t help wishing I’d just gone to Matalan instead
Where you can see the stuff you’re buying, so you can shop and go

Why’d they put it in the warehouse? They should put it on the shop shelf
I don’t need their waiter service…. I can find stuff by myself…!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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AFW - December 12, 2011 - Report this comment
Sort of a walk-in catalog store, I guess....funny..liked the "Manson"-type tattoo did he have hate spelled?.. :)
Wendy Christopher - December 12, 2011 - Report this comment
Lol, thanks AFW. Sad thing about the tattoo is... that's actually TRUE - he had 'H A I T' on his forehead (that's Chatham for you..!) Although to be fair, he could've been going for 'Haiti' (might have been born there I guess?) Perhaps the tattooist charged by the letter and he ran out of money... maybe he's since raised the funding for the missing 'I'!
AFW - December 12, 2011 - Report this comment
Ha ha...either way, he had it misspelled.
pickle - December 13, 2011 - Report this comment
I've used Argos many a time. You summed up what a depressing experience it is brilliantly!

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