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Song Parodies -> "Dainty Thugs"

Original Song Title:

"Tainted Love"

Original Performer:

Soft Cell

Parody Song Title:

"Dainty Thugs"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

You shouldn't call him Fat Tony anymore, boss. It hurts his feelings when you make fun of his weight problem.

DKTOS? Listen here
Sometimes I think I need some
Better goons, I need a
New platoon
Of some rowdy dudes to enforce the loans I make
The ones I got
Now ain’t worth a squat
They all act serene
Since their grannies told them don’t be so mean

Once they’d smash your face
Now, a warm embrace
These dainty thugs aren’t working
My customers just keep on shirking
Missing payments - this won’t do at all
Dainty thugs
Dainty thugs

Now I need some new guys
To get tough, cause these guys?
Balls of fluff
Gath’ring ‘round to watch Oprah, sipping tea
No longer fight
Now they all smile and act polite
And my clients aren’t afraid
When their twenty large vig* stays unpaid

Once they’d cap your ass
Now they love to dance!
These dainty thugs are useless
They might as well just wear a new dress
Scented candles, curtains in the hall
Dainty thugs
Dainty thugs

Once busted knees
Now they all curtsy and say, “Please?”
When it’s time to collect my dough
They are hanging out at Broadway shows!

Dainty thugs
Dainty thugs
Just like ladies, dainty thugs
Just like ladies, dainty thugs
Dainty thugs
Dainty thugs
Dainty thugs

*vig – interest payment on a loan

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 25

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   25

User Comments

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Glen S - December 02, 2008 - Report this comment
So get some new blood in there. "Once they’d cap your ass/Now they love to dance!" stood out for me.
Rick C - December 02, 2008 - Report this comment
I'll pay the three 5s I owe you. Just don't send those dainty thugs after me.
MasonR - December 02, 2008 - Report this comment
Hilarious--great concept well executed!
alvin - December 02, 2008 - Report this comment
lol...great title switch and concept...and these lyrics are a great match for the original mincing vocals
LittleGumba - December 02, 2008 - Report this comment
Oh, Tony SnowPRANO, where'd you go ? Your little Bunny misses you, Big Guy!
Stooge - December 02, 2008 - Report this comment
This one killed me. And by killed I mean the parody. Well done.
McKludge - December 02, 2008 - Report this comment
Glen - I know that ass/dance is a stretch for a rhyme, but I couldn't pass it up

Rick - Worst that would happen is they give you a makeover.

alvin - I was also thinking of Jaded Thugs, but Dainty woked better.

L'ilGumby - I can be seen on A&E now, although half the dialogue is cut.

Stooge - Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk, Wise Guy!
Glen S - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
It's a stretch as a rhyme, but thematically, it's an awesome couplet. I think a funny couplet that is a stretch as a rhyme is worth more than a lame couplet that rhymes cleanly. If I may rant for a minute more, I think it's very effective in songs to have many clean rhymes and then one or two stretch rhymes thrown in. Done right, you can convince your reader that you did it on purpose. I felt like you did it on purpose here, and I'm a supporter. Wow, I need to get some sleep.
Stuart McArthur - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
very funny McK - I guess it was only a matter of time before thugs discovered the joys of Barbra Streisand - 555
McKludge - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks Stu, but I don't know if I'd call Streisand "dainty"
Stuart McArthur - December 03, 2008 - Report this comment
nor would I, but men who appreciate her are
Agrimorfee - January 12, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Glen S. could have just simply said, "It's a b**** to rhyme the word 'love'." :) I had pictures of Big Pussy and Paulie Walnuts traipsing through a daisy field with this one. Good job.
Matthias - January 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Brilliant work here. I loved it!!! An amazing idea, that was perfectly executed.
ChrisBodilyTM - January 13, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) This parody puts a smile on my face. A nice, deep, red, bloody smile. I have experience with thugs, and when one gets out of line, I have no problem killing them and replacing them. This is a good parody, but I';ll pay you the 5's I owe you if you will go out and kill the Batman. (Sorry, I was reminded of the mob scenes with the Joker.) 555
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - January 17, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Hahaha. Plenty of laughs throughout and great rhyme matching. Hilarious.
Peter Andersson - January 18, 2009 - Report this comment
I've heard of the Gambino family, is this like the Gay/Bi-Now family?
Chris Bodily TM - January 20, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I thought I'd come back and investigate this parody. No, I'm not wired. There are just TMGLTM: Oprah, sipping tea, new dress, cap your ass, Broadway shows. Whadda say now, Tony Soprano?
Claude Prez - January 28, 2009 - Report this comment
This is great.
Max Power - January 29, 2009 - Report this comment
Pink make me look chubby!
bobpiecheese - January 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) There is a way to make the dainty thugs do their job: get them to really overdo the niceness. Giant brutes acting effeminate would creep most people right the fudge out. It would shock me, definitely. 555 for you!
Stuart McArthur - January 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) ha, yes, this one has the lot McKludge - great title sub, an idea screaming with possibilities (wish I'd thought of it) and some lovely droll gags throughout - excellent - 555
Jeff Reuben - January 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) "Once they'd cap your ass now they love to dance" was one of many great lines. Great job on my favorite one hit wonder of the 80s!
Below Average Dave - January 31, 2009 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very well painted and thought out, TOS is not one I've seen too often either in my SOTM history. . .very cool.
McKludge - February 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks to Aggy, Matty, Chris, Jake, Peter, Claude, Max, bob, Stu, Jeff, and BAD for voting this as SOTM.
Guy - March 15, 2009 - Report this comment
I've got a thing for mob parodies but y'all probably already know that. Of all the mob stuff I've written I have bever considered the "dainty" angle. Great idea and great execution! I'm offering three 5's - pretty please don't refuse. .
Invisible Boy - March 31, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm always a fan of a great idea that's well executed. The image of whimpy tough guys is just too funny.
Red Ant - April 03, 2009 - Report this comment
My first trip to this parody; well done, McKludge. I really like the line "Gath’ring ‘round to watch Oprah, sipping tea". lol
McKludge - May 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Belated thanks Guy, IB, and Red Ant.

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