-> "Vegas Or Bust...Just For Fun"
Original Song Title:
"Ready Or Not Here I Come"
Parody Song Title:
"Vegas Or Bust...Just For Fun"
Vegas Or Bust…Just For Fun
Well, way out in the West I know a vacation place
Broads and booze is what I like to chase
I'm hoping all my debt I can erase
By winning at blackjack tonight
5, 10, dealer’s 20, bet is raised 30, waitress looks 40, patrons seem shifty, “date” is named “Trixie”, champagne costs 70, dealer just can’t wait he, “hits me” with 9 and, now I’m down…100
Vegas Or Bust…just for fun
Peanuts, pretzels, shots of gin
When I’m here I play to win - ("WIN!")
Oh, alright, I'll try a new game
It’s called Seven Card Stud, Bud
Here I go.
5, 10, chips a’ plenty, one card is showin’, “all in” I’m goin’, next card is turnin’, money I’m burnin’, stomach is churnin’, wrong cards I’m discernin’, lesson I’m learnin’, for an Ace I’m yearnin’, took a dive…again…I’m left with one 20
A dog has a tail and a rose has a stem
I need to find an ATM
Once again my wallet’s thicker
I think I’ll start pounding down some liquor
Need to see some girls pole dancing
To the strip club now I’m prancing
Lap is ready, let me in… now!
Paying dancers with fives is a good way to keep things alive. In fact, if you’re placing the bills in her g-string and you’re holding a wad of fives, her g-string might sag from all of the fives, you've spent.
Ok, just watch how I do it, now.
Pull on that g-string...
One fiver for each song that plays...
“We’ve got a problem, sir, for more skin the cost is 20
That happens in the back
All Set…Ready…Let’s Go!”
Now…somewhere we’re gettin’…ready for pettin’…then she yells
That’s the “cover”... each night
Price to get in is 35
Okay, just let me get this straight.. Now, when I pay for your dancing , it’s 20 per tune, but because I’m over 50, can I use my AARP card so that when we’re finished you’ll owe me 10 ?...
So…I…hand her 20…g-string I’m fillin’…she seems so willin’…music is pumpin’…my leg she’s humping…
“Seven and Seven…right?
That's twelve dollars”
Five drink min. costs 60
That’s how it works…
Now you may wonder that if I’m paying so much for each dancing number, my stash could then soon be zero; but if it costs me five large, in an odd way, it’s still worth the price to me
Ok, now let me pick one song…how ‘bout In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida
‘Cuz it’s a long one.
Time For…Solo… Now!
Spend…another 20, dancing is dirty, dancer is flirty, lap she is grindin’, underware bindin’, Dockers are shredin’, legs she begins spreading, bouncer screams…
Threatens to…break all my fingers.
“What made you pick a seventeen minute oldies tune ?
You can’t do that, man”
Anyway, it’s 5:17, you’re 86ed
See, that happened one night in Vegas.. And I still had some money…15 ones, and a well-worn pocket of nickles…you know what I did…right?
I walked into the nearby diner
Filled with drunks and filthy china
And…I…ordered bacon, eggs they were makin’, rolls I was takin’, coffee was brewin’, chili was stewin’, it was just heavenly, I know that I’ll never…have more fun if I…live to be…100.
Vegas or bust…Just for fun
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