I was tired of my TV, I'd been watching too long.
Like a worn-out ole speedo, or my favorite thong.
So while I lay there weeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

"If you like Erik Estrada, and watching COPS like a man
If you're not into yoda, if you have half-a-tan.
If you like watching CHiPs at midnight, with a mask and a cape.
I'm the one that you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

I didn't think about my TV, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old TV, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I'm no Ponch of a poet, I thought it wasn't half-bad.

"Yes, I like Erik Estrada , and watching COPS like a man.
I'm not much into Star Wars, But I really like Han.
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this duct tape.
At a bar called Blue Oyster, where we'll plan our escape."

So I waited with high hopes, then he walked in the place.
I knew his smile in an instant, I knew the curve of his face.
It was my own buddy Erik, and he said, "Oh, it's you."
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew"..

"That you liked Erik Estrada, and watching COPS like a man.
And the feel of a speedo, and a guy with a tan.
That you like watching CHiPs at midnight, with a mask and a cape.
I'm the one that you've looked for, write to me, and escape."

"If you like Erik Estrada, and watching COPS like a man
If you're not into yoda, if you have half-a-tan.
If you like watching CHiPs at midnight, with a mask and a cape.
I'm the one that you've looked for, write to me, and escape".