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Song Parodies -> "I Can't Keep This Diet Anymore"

Original Song Title:

"I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore"

Original Performer:

REO Speedwagon

Parody Song Title:

"I Can't Keep This Diet Anymore"

Parody Written by:

Jeff Reuben

The Lyrics

I can't keep this diet any longer
And yet I'm still afraid the flab, it shows
What started out as hunger has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to just say no
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I think there is good reason for a feast
Cause I don't think I look all that much better
I don't like food that's healthy, I like everything so greased!

So even as I wander, I'm keeping food in sight.
There's a potpie in the oven, and it smells so sweet tonight
And I'm gettin closer, I'm not gonna stop this time!

And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
It's time to eat the fish off of the floor
And throw away the fork, forever
And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Crash through the freezer door
Baby, I can't keep this diet anymore

I tried to eat rabbit food and dirt for breakfast
I though that sugar-free stuff would be fine
But the day I started shoppin with you, girl
You showed me sweets and fat'ners, that alone I'd never find

So even as I wonder, "What will I eat tonight?"
A greenish piece of lettuce, is not a welcome sight
And I'm gettin closer, I'm not gonna stop this time!

And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
It's time to eat the fish off of the floor
And throw away the fork, forever
And I can't keep this diet anymore!
I've forgotten what I've stopped eating for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Crash through the freezer door
Baby, I can't keep this diet anymore

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 49

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 2
 
 2   1
 1
 0
 
 3   3
 2
 3
 
 4   8
 9
 7
 
 5   36
 36
 37
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

lebeiw15 - January 05, 2003 - Report this comment
I recall when this came out last spring and I just remembered it for the first time since. Funny parody, great pacing, and straight 5's all the way!
I wish I was Bob Geldof - May 27, 2003 - Report this comment
lebeiw15, you remind me of Weired Al Yankovic. Meet me out my place later, for a good food and romp session! yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmm!!!!!
Agrimorfee - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(FOOD CONTEST) Funny rhymes, but if he's no longer dieting, why does he throw away the fork? I suppose maybe he's sticking to finger food?
Jeff Reuben - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Using the fork wastes time...using his (or her) hands, or just mashing his (or her) face into the food is much more efficient.
Guy - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(FOOD) Can't buy it this diet, but the parody I tried it. It's just worth a mere 555 calories.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - November 09, 2004 - Report this comment
(FOOD) This read really well (My euphemism for DKTOS and can't be bothered looking it up) with great rhyming and imagery. A three-course meal of 5s.
Stuart McArthur - November 10, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm with Luke. DKTOS but it read well - 555
Johnny D - November 13, 2004 - Report this comment
(Food) Try the REO Speed-Diet!
MysteryGoat - November 14, 2004 - Report this comment
One of the best ones I've read!
Saider E. - November 15, 2004 - Report this comment
FOOD - man dieting sounds like a bitch!
Paul Robinson - November 15, 2004 - Report this comment
(FOOD) Tasty job, Jeff...5's...
Jack Wilson - November 18, 2004 - Report this comment
(Food) LOL! Thats great! 555!
Adagio - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) I just vaguely remember the OS, but the parody was funny! 5's
Leo Jay - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Hilarious, Jeff!
Red Ant - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(I-05) I'm with Adagio on this one Jeff. Diets suck, but this is very good.
Rich Kapalin - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Ah, another great food parody. All 5's all the way!
Arwen - July 06, 2005 - Report this comment
ABC--HIGH-larious, Jeff...I love it when I get exposed to one of your old gems...=) Great job...I loved the potpie line, and eating the fish off of the floor! =)
Agrimorfee - July 07, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05)see above
Mikey Squirrel - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Well done. I can relate, believe me. Tri-Fives.
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - July 08, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Still hilarious!
Johnny D - July 11, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) See above ... "It's time to eat the fish off of the floor" and "I tried to eat rabbit food and dirt for breakfast" both made me laugh out loud physically for real!
Stuart McArthur - July 11, 2005 - Report this comment
( I ) - already commented, and I can so relate to this, Jeff - sometimes, what exactly are we dieting for?.....and, 'til next week, that's all from Great Rhetorical Questions Of Our Time
Scathe - July 13, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC-I) Slick work.
Rick C - July 16, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC05) Rabbit food and dirt sounds like a great breakfast! 555
Adam Eccleshall - July 16, 2005 - Report this comment
(ABC) Ug no eat lettuce, Ug eat big chunk of fatty meat, vote 5's.
Dee Range - July 16, 2005 - Report this comment
DNKOS, but I relate to this extremely well. Great read
Ethan Mawyer - July 17, 2005 - Report this comment
ABC - not bad
martha - July 17, 2005 - Report this comment
keep trying .. don't give up!!
Lavajelly - August 31, 2016 - Report this comment
Started laughing from the second verse. Absolutely brilliant!!! XD

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