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Song Parodies -> "If I Was An Earthman"

Original Song Title:

"If I Was Your Girlfriend"

Original Performer:


Parody Song Title:

"If I Was An Earthman"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Look at the humans over here, crazy...

If I was an Earthman
Would I remember to take off my clothes if I got hot
Would I be named Dan?
Or would I be Stan?
Could I find a good friend
That I could borrow cash from,
Among other things?
Would I be American
Or Andalusian?

If I was an Earthman
If I was an Earthman
If I was an Earthman
Would I wear the right snooze
--I mean, SHOES, upon my nose
Before I go out?
Not that I'm clueless
But sometimes, sometimes
Those are the things that being human's about

Would I write with pencil or pen?
When my feet are running, do I use a tissue?
What the heck is phelgm exactly?
Someday I would like to taste hot chop susie

If I was an Earthman
If I was an Earthman
I would have to wash my hair
And I would have to cut it sometimes
Of course, some let it hang out--
I mean, I suppose it'd be better than scales or feathers
I would like to try to swing on a vine
If I was an Earthman

Maybe I will eat foot
--I mean, eat food that I will choose
When I will go out
If I was an Earthman
In this world, I could get rich in Vegas
'Cause sometimes, sometimes
Money is the thing Earthmen can't live without (booger?)
I would have to earn a living, and do lung breathing (hooker?)
Maybe you think I'm kidding
A little off-center (If I was an Earthman)
Funny, funny, Earth I see

If I was an Earthman (continuously...)

And why when you have to make children you make love?
And why, why when you make love there is such a spasm?
You look like you ate a sauerkraut!
Isn't it true?
I've seen you--
A lot!

I got many questions
When on Earth, I go to the zoo
And see all the creatures who aren't like you
How come they're naked, but you can't be too?
How come your kids need 12 years of school?
Can't they just do three?
If I was an Earthman, I could
Oh yeah, I think so
Listen, if I got too close to a skunk and his spray--
Would my nose fall off?
That could be a thrill!
If I was an Earthman, would you kill me
If I was not a Christian?
Would I fear your deity's wrath?
Could I cheat a little playing cards
And still have a laugh?
And would I, would I have to kiss a bear?
Could I share my fears and doubts?
If I jump off the roof, would I just go bounce?
Can I fly a kite, or just smoke a bong?
And together, can we play violins?
Let's just try to imagine what that looks like
Yeah, just try to imagine that, a violin's struck like--
Please let me know, what do violins look like?
I'd like to try...
Copyright 2006, Agrimorfee. Klaatu barada niktu.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Stephen Harrington - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but you get 5s from me because I really enjoyed it.
Agrimorfee - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, Stephen!--this was one of the hardest ones to parody, because the lyrics are so simple and direct!
Stuart McArthur - April 04, 2006 - Report this comment
wow, DKTOS, but 5s for the effort you obviously put in, Agri - 555
Matthias - May 05, 2012 - Report this comment
Wow! This is totally once of Prince's more obscure songs. Seeing that it's pretty much DKTOS for everyone including me. So I'm surprised how well this one came out. It's very Mork and Mindy meets every alien who has come to Earth in the history of television and cinema. Very well done and very funny.
Porfle Popnecker - May 07, 2012 - Report this comment
I think there may be a few of these aliens wandering around my neighborhood.
Mark Scotti - May 07, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) This parody is "invading" my funnybone!
Abbott Skelding - May 15, 2012 - Report this comment
Not a huge Prince fan, but this spoof was really well done...matching the talking part at the end was spot on and there were a lot of funny lines in this one. Nice work!
bobpiecheese - May 17, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) Kudos for taking on this tricky song (which I surprisingly kinda-sorta knew before due to it being kinda-sorta sampled in a Jay-Z song), and Prince kinda-sorta sounds like a squeaky alien here, so it fits! 555 calls to the mothership!
Blaydeman - May 17, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) You do use a lot of strange Prince songs Aggy, but I liked it a lot. Very out-of-this-world!
D-Mon - May 18, 2012 - Report this comment
(ABC) You may not be an Earthman, but you're a funny one!

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