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Song Parodies -> "No Live Bait"

Original Song Title:

"Twist of Fate"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Olivia Newton-John

Parody Song Title:

"No Live Bait"

Parody Written by:

Edward Genereux

The Lyrics

On 1 January 2008, the Ontario Ministry of Natural Resources outlawed live bait at Quetico Provincial Park, the twin reserve of the Boundary Waters Canoe Area Wilderness (separated from Quetico by the river Basswood). Now I've been to the BWCAW--three times with a special contingent from a summer camp in northern Minnesota for youth with Asperger's syndrome like me--but never gone fishing there, let alone crossed into Quetico. However, I am aware that there's more to Canoe Country than the BWCAW, so I would like to visit the other side of the Basswood, which also offers greater solitude but is more expensive. Regardless of expense, I can see why the park doesn't allow live bait--to prevent invasive species--but why would they ban live bait, which is more sustainable than conventional plastic baits? By the way, this is my second Onjohn parody and 86th overall.
Stanza I.
Invasive species they just hate,
So they decided to outlaw some baits.
No worms, minnows or leeches!
They ain't allowed even if dead.
Ontario's nature ministry
Wants us to use baits with plasticity.
I say they've gone too far here;
They are just mongering fear.

Refrain I.
Why did they have to say no live bait?
It's not like the minnows invade.
I just think they got it wrong this time.
Trips unto Quetico
Will absolutely blow;
When I can't use worms, Ganon says "IT BURNS!"

Stanza II.
Don't ask me why I'm disillusioned!
I'm sick and tired of all this convolution
Of rules and regulations
Set up by them for humiliation.

Refrain II.
Why did they have to say no leeches?
I have heard that plastic screeches
Against the mouth of the fish every time.
Oh, Toronto can say it;
We simply won't obey it!
When leeches are outlawed, there are certain flaws.

(Instrumental)

Refrain III.
Why did they have to say no minnows?
I might as well fish from the window
Of my Chevy Tahoe SUV.
It's sensationalized--
At least so in my eyes.
When minnows are banned, it is far from grand.
Why did they have to say no live bait?
I've packed it up, so it is too late.
Soon I'll cross at customs near Grand Portage.
Then I will tell them off
No matter how they scoff
At my good designs; I know I'll be fine.

(Ad lib and fade)
Then again, next time I go to the Canoe Country, I'll just pack some sustainable synthetic bait.

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