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Song Parodies -> "The Maus"

Original Song Title:

"Our House"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Madness

Parody Song Title:

"The Maus"

Parody Written by:

Robert D. Arndt Jr.

The Lyrics

The largest tanks ever built were the 188 and 203 ton Maus tanks found at Kummersdorf in 1945. Hitler had ordered the original Porsche 205 design way back in 1942 for ultra-heavy tanks but work was slow finding the right engines and suspension to carry the excessive weight with enormous ground pressure. By 1943 work had begun at Alkett on two prototypes, but the air-cooled engines could not be fitted. A special 1080 hp MB509 aircraft engine was fitted to prototype 1 while prototype 2 took a marine MB517 diesel after blowing the first engine! Only prototype 1 was ever completed by 1944 with a 75 and 128mm co-axial system and armor protection all around averaging around 200mm (8 in)!!! The mantlet was 240mm (almost 10 in)! The Beast was slow at 8-10 mph and if it needed to cross a river then it could submerge with schnorkel to 8m with a power cable running from another Maus on the shore! Basically, these tanks were armored fortresses and besides the two prototypes the Red Army found 9 others partially completed upon surrender. One is on display in the Kubinka Armor Museum. In battle, no Soviet nor any Western tank would be able to penetrate it. In the West the Allies would have tried to bomb it or shoot 6" rockets at it... but the armor still might have stood up. For hunting, the Maus carried 232 rounds of ammo as opposed to 72 for the King Tiger (32 for the 128 mm + 200 for the 75mm and 1000 rds for the MG-34)! Believe it or not but Henschel had a rival in the 140 ton E-100 which was captured by the British with only the hull completed in 1945! That would have mounted a 170mm KwK44 with 200 rds and had armor of between 150-240mm! After that, there were plans for a PzKpfw IX which would bring the weight back down to standard heavy tank size. The reasonable PzKpfw VII Lowe (Lion) was passed over by Hitler for the Maus (PzKpfw VIII) b/c it wasn't impressive enough with armor at 100mm and initial 75mm gun...
Red horde rushing to the West
German armor gets no rest
The Hitler bunker in despair
Supertank still incomplete
Yet the work never does cease
1-88 tons

The Maus, would be very hard to beat
The Maus, with 2-40 (mm) armor

The Maus largest tank found
Twin heavy guns for firing
MB509 is loud
Thickest armor around
The heavy weight slows it down
Volute suspension for ground

The Maus, would be very hard to beat
The Maus, with 2-40 (mm) armor

The Maus, would be very hard to beat
(Hitler approves)
(In fact, he had demanded it)
The Maus, with 2-40 (mm) armor

Gears: 2 forward, 2 reverse
Crawls like a slug in the dirt
1000 hp just to move
Co-axial guns for hits
75 and 1-28 fits
Single MG stays

[Instrumental Interlude]

The Maus, would be very hard to beat
The Maus, with 2-40 (mm) armor

Hitler remembers way back when
Panthers and Tigers lighter then
And the 88s had worked just fine
Was a fine time
In East or West climes
‘45, deadly armor games
IS-2s headed our way
Our troops slain
Heavy armor will save us
New Panzers!!!

Red horde rushing to the West
German armor gets no rest
The Hitler bunker in despair
Supertank still incomplete
Yet the work never does cease
1-88 tons

The Maus, would be very hard to beat
The Maus, would be very hard to beat
The Maus, would be very hard to beat
The Maus, with 2-40 (mm) armor
The Maus, only ONE they did complete
The Maus, would be very hard to beat
The Maus, other had MB517 (Diesel)
The Maus, would be very hard to beat
The Maus, 9 more remained incomplete

At Kummersdorf, the Reds seized each!!!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Rob Arndt - October 29, 2012 - Report this comment
Lone surviving Maus at Kubinka: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b6/Panzerkampfwagen_Maus,_Kubinka_Tank_Museum.JPG
Callmelennie - October 29, 2012 - Report this comment
Yet another example of Hitler "losing the plot" as the British say -- building 200 ton tanks at a time when The Third Reich was suffering from critical fuel shortages
Callmelennie - October 29, 2012 - Report this comment
DKTOS or the band at first until I looked it up on YouTube .. then I recognized it, so 555! .... Although at first I thought you were parodying CSN's version of "Our House" Now THAT might be funny -- I'll direct the fire, while you aim the barrel at the Reds, that are coming this way .... Our Maus, is a very, very very fine Maus (fine Maus)
Rob Arndt - October 29, 2012 - Report this comment
He should have gone with the PzKpfw VII Lowe or the most effective version of the Tiger III. PzKpfw IX design was just too late...

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