I can feel it myself, I don't want Piano Man to ever drive now
He crashes everything, destroys his car, he's so messed up now
There's not a minute, hour, day or night that I should see him
Driving too recklessly, don't give another license to him
I still remember in the days when Billy Joel had good songs
Me and my girlfriend could just dance to Billy Joel all night long
You must've known that the Piano Man had such a problem
Cause it was on the news, another house he'd slammed himself in

Oh my gosh! That was the third time in two years he crashed his car
Don't want to ride with him
Oh my gosh! Don't let him behind the wheel of your favorite car
Don't want to ride with him
(Billy can't drive, Billy can't drive, Billy can't drive, Billy can't drive!)

Woke up today, turned on the morning news to get me started
I saw the mess that Billy made and I was brokenhearted
Banged up his car, he'll go to jail, the cops are so demanding
They'll take away his license, but at least he is still standing
Who'd think he'd have to ride the backseat of a police cruiser?
He should've been like everybody else and got a chauffeur
Driving's a gamble and it's too bad that he is losing
He doesn't know it, must've been the alcohol he's using!

Oh my gosh! That was the third time in two years he crashed his car
(Billy can't drive, Billy can't drive, Billy can't drive!) Don't want to ride with him
Oh my gosh! Don't let him behind the wheel of your favorite car
(Billy can't drive, Billy can't drive, Billy can't drive!) I don't want to ride with him
Oh my gosh! That was the third time in two years he crashed his car
(Billy can't drive, Billy can't drive, Billy can't drive!)
Don't want to ride with him, oh my gosh...!