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Song Parodies -> "Hairless"

Original Song Title:

"The Future"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Leonard Cohen

Parody Song Title:

"Hairless"

Parody Written by:

Smeg And The Heads

The Lyrics

Whenever I get asked for ID to buy alcohol, which happens from time to time even though I'm past fifty, I just take off my baseball cap and show them the emptiness underneath. Hasn't failed yet.
HAIRLESS


In the mirror every night
I see with incremental fright
The vast expanse of skin that is my noggin

Stunned, I do not recognize
That barren space above my eyes
It’s not unlike a landscape after loggin’

Give me lotions, give me pills
Give me more Minoxidil
Give me Propercia by the barrel

Give me potions I can swig
Or natural appearing wigs
Or hats and caps and other head apparel


I am going bald, balder every moment
Won’t be nothing
Nothing I can wash or cut or comb
My hairline
Hairline is receding in the distance
And it’s never coming back in this lifetime

On my next haircut, haircut, haircut
I’ll save a couple bucks
On my next haircut, haircut, haircut
I’ll save a couple bucks
On my next haircut, haircut, haircut
I’ll save a couple bucks


The loss of all my follicles
Is truly diabolical
It’s cold up top and babe it’s getting colder

Where it went I’ve not a clue
I never thought, I never knew
That I could suffer so from growing older

When I try to brush my hair
I’m overcome to find that there’s
So little left that I can’t even part it

It’s so bare I’m blinded by
Reflection of the bathroom light
It devastates and leaves me broken-hearted


I am going bald, balder every moment
Won’t be nothing
Nothing I can wash or cut or comb
My hairline
Hairline is receding in the distance
And it’s never coming back in this lifetime

On my next haircut, haircut, haircut
I’ll save a couple bucks
On my next haircut, haircut, haircut
I’ll save a couple bucks
On my next haircut, haircut, haircut
I’ll save a couple bucks


I’ve watched a thousand infomercials on TV
That say they’ll grow my hair back (for a fee)
Transplant’s promised
With a lifetime guarantee
And the fake-hair spray-on

In desperation I cry and propound
An advert for my mop in lost and found
And all the lousy snake oil salesmen will come round
Tryin’ to sell me things like Rogaine
And the fake-hair spray-on


I’m giving up, the battle’s lost
The oils and salves aren’t worth the cost
And in the end I really couldn’t care less

I’ll shave what’s left away today
I don’t like barbers anyway
I’ve seen my future, baby, it is hairless


I am going bald, balder every moment
Won’t be nothing
Nothing I can wash or cut or comb
My hairline
Hairline is receding in the distance
And it’s never coming back in this lifetime

On my next haircut, haircut, haircut
I’ll save a couple bucks
On my next haircut, haircut, haircut
I’ll save a couple bucks
On my next haircut, haircut, haircut ...

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Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 4

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