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Song Parodies -> "Halitosis"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Leonard Cohen

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Jon Goldney

The Lyrics

“HALITOSIS” By Jon Goldney 1/1/2011

(Sung to the tune of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”)

I really don’t know what to do:
I don’t suppose I ever knew –
I’ve just received my doctor’s diagnosis.
He stated this: “The issue is –
I’m not sure how to tell you this –
The problem is that you have Halitosis.”

Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis

I wondered why you wouldn’t stay,
That day you tried to run away –
You asked me if I suffered from necrosis.
I only tried to stroke your hair
And kiss your lips as you lay there,
But you inhaled and breathed in Halitosis

I guess the penny should have dropped:
Each time I spoke, your eyeballs popped –
My breath was bad but, hey, I didn’t notice.
Remember when we said our vows?
I knocked you down: you didn’t rouse –
I swept you off your feet with Halitosis

Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis

There was a time you tried to tell
Your sisters of your private hell –
I bet they weren’t surprised: they both have noses.
One night I tried to cuddle you:
You said, you caught a whiff o’ poo –
I wish it was, instead of Halitosis

Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis

Maybe there’s a God above
Who could have shown you how to love
A decent man whose breath was so atrocious.
I’m sure you offered every prayer
To exorcise my evil air
And purge me of unholy Halitosis

Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis

You said that when we lay in bed
And I respired – you wished me dead:
It’s hard to hold one’s breath when one reposes.
And when I snored, I do recall,
It peeled the paint right off the wall –
I wish I’d known that it was Halitosis

Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis

I tried my best but not enough:
You must have found it bloody tough –
But none of us can claim to smell of roses.
And even though my breath may pong,
I’m not afraid to sing this song
With nothing on my tongue but Halitosis

Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis, Halitosis… Halitosis etc.
Copyright: Jon Goldney -

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Patrick - January 26, 2011 - Report this comment
Funny take on a not so funny problem. The original song is so pretentious and baffling that it's difficult not to come up with a parody that makes more sense and is more coherent. So many recent songs on this site are based on new music I am not familiar with. So this parody is like a breath of fresh air.
Brian - January 26, 2011 - Report this comment
Great parody. Best two lines were, "And when I snored-I do recall, It peeled the paint right off the wall." Hilarious.
Below Average Dave - January 27, 2011 - Report this comment
Ironically someone did this as a recording some time back. Max DeGroot did this same idea to this song some time back, but his lyrics are significantly different from these, so its obviously coincidence, funny how that happens sometimes:)
Jon Goldney - January 27, 2011 - Report this comment
I appreciate the comments - it's my 1st parody ever! I didn't know that someone else (Max DeGroot) had covered it with a similar theme before. I still haven't seen or heard his effort; I'll check it out. But I guess it stands to reason that others would have made the connection between "Hallelujah" and "Halitosis" - I mean to say: it just begs for a 'job' to be done on it! I gotta say, this website is a Godsend... Hallelujah!
Patrick - January 28, 2011 - Report this comment
Congratulations on your first posting. First class parody. I have read somewhere that Leonard Cohen has some 89 verses for "Hallelujah", so there's no telling if he may have covered your theme, too. Looking forward to more of your songs. This is a great site for those of us who have these bizarre urges to change the words to everything we hear.
Wendy Christopher - February 10, 2011 - Report this comment
Absolutely first-class job! Tragi-funny as heck, perfectly paced AND a cracking storyline too! Couldn't ask for more from a parody. 555 from me!
Cheri - November 03, 2017 - Report this comment
have to agree with the other, very clever and the original is so difficult to understand and somewhat silly lyrics. this version is MUCH better. and funny.
Claude Prez - November 03, 2017 - Report this comment
Thank you for bumping this one, Cheri! Always great to discover a gem I've missed; this is really good. Sad that Jon only did the one parody here.

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