In a little room sat on porcelain
My eyes water as I heave and strain
But once again I've got constipation
Leaving a bad smell and confusion
What happens if you've only farted
The water's clear, no turds departed
It's my prerogative to find some laxative
Maybe

The pain's so bad I want to shout
But when I check nothing comes out
I sit here badly wanting to lay a cable
It seems impossible, I'm not able
I stay in the bathroom wanting to go
Trying to believe my dull pain below
Reaching behind me for the toilet paper
Hoping to look behind me and see something there
What happens if you've only farted
The water's clear, no turds departed
It's my prerogative to find some laxative
Help me please

I'm straining though I don't succeed
A laxative is what I need
I worry that my sphincter muscle I could be rending
The water's clear it's an unhappy ending
What happens if you've only farted
The water's clear, no turds departed
It's my prerogative to find some laxative
I'll be trying again and again just to ease my stomach pain
I'll sit on this bog and stay I know it's on its way
Nothing's going to stop me now I'll squeeze that first turd out
Maybe