Will it work?
Will it perk?
Will my come come leap?

My loner boner dangle
Always droopy, dumb, asleep

I was soft like snowflakes
And I could never gain
An angling of my dangle
Wood-less-ness was my bane

Years go by, I'm lookin' through, a "Girly Magazine"
And then my boner's angle jumps up ragin' - I'M NO QUEEN!


My blood runs bold
My membery has lust, behold!
From gazin' at a centerfold
Gazin' at a centerfold

My blood runs bold
My membery has lust, behold!
(From gazin' at a centerfold)
Gazin' at a centerfold


Years I'm hopin' for my tusk
While I was dreamin' from dawn to dusk
I was shy, I wouldn't date,
No girl could get me high

I was droopin' in my pants
Whenever with hot girls I'd slow-dance
Nothing could embolden me
My angle flaccidized

Too often was I sweatin'
With my useless self-touch
But when I saw that negligee
On that nude model's butt ---


My blood runs bold (Yeah!)
My membery has lust, behold!
From gazin' at a centerfold
Gazin' at a centerfold

My blood runs bold
My membery has lust, behold!
(From gazin' at a centerfold)
(Oh yeah!)
Gazin' at a centerfold

Oh boy, now-now, now-now,
Now-now-AH-now-now-now-now-AH, WOW!
Now, now, now-now, now-now
Now-now-AH-now-now-now-now-AH!


I'm okay! Now I'm a man!
I paint my clever lever-gland!
I hope that when this issue's gone,
The Playboy Channel turns me on!

Turn it on, yes I will
I'll turn it on in private
For eight bucks in a motel room
I'll be a TV pilot

A part of me has come alive
It rages now, it throbs and thrives
Oh boy, I can employ it
Oh yeah, I guess I can enjoy it!


My blood runs bold
My membery has lust, behold!
From gazin' at a centerfold
Gazin' at a centerfold

My blood runs bold (Wooo!)
My membery has lust, behold!
(From gazin' at a centerfold)
From gazin' at a centerfold

Oh boy, now-now, now-now,
Now-now-AH-now-now-now-now-AH, WOW!
Now, now, now-now, now-now
Now-now-AH-now-now-now-now-AH!

Oh boy, now-now, now-now, (My blood runs bold)
Now-now-AH-now-now-now-now-AH, WOW! (My membery has lust, behold!)
Now, now, now-now, now-now (From gazin' at a centerfold)
Now-now-AH-now-now-now-now-AH! (Gazin' at a centerfold)

(repeat and fade to whistling solo)

Oh boy, now-now, now-now, (My blood runs bold)
Now-now-AH-now-now-now-now-AH, WOW! (My membery has lust, behold!)
Now, now, now-now, now-now (From gazin' at a centerfold)
Now-now-AH-now-now-now-now-AH! (Gazin' at a centerfold)