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Song Parodies -> "Patients"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Guns 'n Roses

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

I shed a tear, 'cause the bill is here
I put it in my file
Yeah, I take my pills every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure if I had a disease
And you are sure I have V.D. now

(Chorus)Y'said to me, "Take it slow
Don't get yourself uptight"
All I am is just one of your patients
"Skip sugar, take Sweet N; Low
And you will be real fine"
All I am is just one of your patients

I sit here on this bed, naked and alone
If you don't come in right now, I'll leave here
Sometimes I just go so mad, because you just take your time
And you prescribe the drugs to the highest bidder

I ain't fakin, my body's achin, and my scalp is flakin'

Doctor's patients (hmmm, oh yeah)
We're the doctors' patients (yeah, yeah, yeah)
We're the doctors' patients (yeah, yeah, yeah)

I've been walking the streets at night
To avoid the strange man in white
If I go to the clinic downtown
I might have to put a second mortgage down
So many of them have strange sounding names
I ain't got time for the pain
'Cause they screw you!
Oh, Screw You!
Aaaahh, they screw you!
I'm feelin' fiiiiiii--aiiiiiiine!!

Copyright 1989, Agrimorfee

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 13

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   12

User Comments

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marrisa - December 02, 2003 - Report this comment
I was reading your footnote, and it said copyright 1989. That's the year the original came out! Did you actually write this parody then?
Agrimorfee - December 02, 2003 - Report this comment
Yes, Marissa--most of the material I submit here has been languishing in my mind (or notebooks) since 1983! Since finding this website only last month, perhaps I will be inspired to write NEW material.
marrisa - December 02, 2003 - Report this comment
In that case, I should probably check out some of your other parodies. By the way, you spelt my name wrong. :)
AussieBullDog - December 02, 2003 - Report this comment
Nice job.
marrisa - August 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Just restoring my 5-5-5 vote...
Guy - March 22, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4P) Let me be the first to clap for this one. I heard VD can mimic the common cold - it can leave on "sniffless". The "sweet N Low" ref was nice.Good One Agri!
Matthias - March 28, 2008 - Report this comment
Nice play on the title. The only thing that I didn't like was that you didn't vary the chorus, but I liked this parody, and Guns N' Roses is one of my favorite bands so good job there too, but a variation on the chorus would have been nice. (1989... Wow... No wonder you didn't vary the chorus this is one of your early, early ones.)
Red Ant - April 06, 2008 - Report this comment
5s despite a missing line in the "fakin/achin/flakin'" part. Very well done especially considering the age of the parody, but due to the fact the first verse hits too close to home right now this probably won't make my top 5. Bad timing is all, and that's not a relfection of the merits of your parody. Sorry, Aggy.
Agrimorfee - April 07, 2008 - Report this comment
Sorry backatcha. :( I'm pretty proud of this one...soon to be 20 years old, and he still calls his father every once in a while. :)
bobpiecheese - April 10, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4) Although I could've seen that title sub coming a mile away, this was pretty good for such a crusty one of yours. That last part would sound brilliant recorded (get on it, Dave!). 555 cough drops for you!
stuart mcarthur - April 16, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC4) not one of your best Ag, although the concept of auctioning off the drugs to the highest bidder was quite novel - 545
Below Average Dave - April 16, 2008 - Report this comment
(ABC) I thought it paced really well. . .though I wasn't laughing as much as I usually do with your work, though that's not a slam because not everything can be our best. As for recording (Tcop) I can only record a few every now and then due to financial restraints, donations have been low which limit non-BAD releases.
Invisible Boy - April 16, 2008 - Report this comment
Nice job. How have things turned out in the medical world since you were looking ahead 20 years ago ?
Matthias - June 19, 2009 - Report this comment
This was a clever title switch and a great one for being one of your oldest parodies I loved the line: "I sit here on this bed, naked and alone" just because it's too true.
Arwen - June 19, 2009 - Report this comment
Saw this on the recent comments board...glad I did...I liked it!
Rex - June 28, 2009 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Good early work. Especially liked the second mortgage line and the reference to Carly.
bobpiecheese - June 30, 2009 - Report this comment
(Artistry) See above, apparantely (forgot I read this one)!
Below Average Dave - July 01, 2009 - Report this comment
(Artistry) See above. . .I do feel I can relate to this.
Red Ant - July 01, 2009 - Report this comment
Trying to remember why I didn't like this last year - I think I had my biopsy that week. Anyway, good to see this one again, under better circumstances.

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