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Song Parodies -> "I Don't Know Why They Call It The News"

Original Song Title:

"I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues"

Original Performer:

Elton John

Parody Song Title:

"I Don't Know Why They Call It The News"

The Lyrics

Oh, no, not again
Not interested in David Beckham
Big Brother starts soon - I can honestly say
The news can't get any better

Until autumn comes
Get those reporters outside
Make sure before long that the story you print
Is worthy of newspaper space

And I don't know why they call it the news
Newspaper pages just wasted by you
Don't care 'bout Jordan, or even football -
Kicking a ball round shouldn't make headlines
So I don't know why they call it the news

Think of those trees
Picture the pulp being processed
Save all your money - spend it on chocolate
So much more satisfying

Wait for stories
Camp all night if it helps
But more than ever I don't want to read
Stories about C-list celebs

And I don't know why they call it the news
Newspaper pages all wasted by you
Print something useful, or maybe funny
Endless gossip just makes bad headlines
So I don't know why they think it is news

(Instrumental break)

Find real scoops
Write all night if it helps
I'm serious here - I don't want to read
Gossip columns any more

And I don't know why they call it the news
Newspaper pages are wasted by you
Write something useful, write something novel
Gossip's so boring - it shouldn't make headlines
So I don't know why they think it is news
Football's just sport so how does it make headlines?
So I don't know why they think it is news
Gossip's so boring - it shouldn't make headlines
So I don't know why they think it is news
No, I don't know why they think it is news

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 4   1
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User Comments

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Agrimorfee - May 24, 2006 - Report this comment
I agree with your sentiments; it seems as though the problem is more in with our television news than with our major newspapers.
Bert Darton's Great-Grandson (Michael Pacholek) - May 24, 2006 - Report this comment
They call it "the news" in reflection of what it represents: New pieces of information -- new things, shortened to "the news." At least, according to Wikipedia, which shot down the story I'd always heard, that the word comes from the points on a compass: North, East, West, South. Of course... "Celebrity acts stupid in public" is like "Dog bites man": It's not news. "Man bites dog," or Madonna opts to do a show solely about the music she's recorded, or Paris Hilton joins Angelina Jolie on a humanitarian mission, or George W. Bush admits a mistake, or David Beckham plays well in the World Cup, is faithful to his wife, and has normal hair? Now THAT is news!
Stephen Harrington - May 24, 2006 - Report this comment
555, very good.
Larry Hensley - May 25, 2006 - Report this comment
Well, all that's better than all the other news. Anyway, 555's

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