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Song Parodies -> "Candle Breaking Wind / Goodbye Pork and Beans"

Original Song Title:

"Candle In The Wind / Goodbye Norma Jean"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Elton John

Parody Song Title:

"Candle Breaking Wind / Goodbye Pork and Beans"

Parody Written by:

The Comedian

The Lyrics

Goodbye pork and beans
Wished I'd never chewed you at all
You had the gas within yourself
That led to my downfall

I sprawled out on the woodwork,
And I whispered in so much pain,
"Please help me, I feel so ill -
I got too close to that flame ! "

Call emergency - I burned my ass
On a candle, breaking wind
Never knowing how much pain this stunt would land me in
Now I'm wishing I'd never done that
I acted so stupid
I dropped my pants not long before
Onto that flame I slid

Drunkenness was fun
The biggest drink bar-tenders made
How I would guzzle like a superstar
My brain was the price I paid

Then my buddies tried
To impress each other through
That old stupid candle game
Where your flatulence would turn a flame blue

Call emergency - I burned my ass
On a candle, breaking wind
All my buddies howled with laughter till they smelled burnt skin
Now I'm wishing I'd never done that
I'm feeling so stupid
My buddies cheered not long before
Onto that flame I slid

Goodbye pork and beans
Wished I'd never chewed you at all
You had the gas within yourself
That led to my downfall

Goodbye pork and beans
Now I'm in the burn ward's 22nd row
I see you as something no longer edible
Just a source of flatulence and woe

I still can't believe - I burned my ass
On a candle, breaking wind
I was laughing like a drunk fool till the pain set in
Now the burn unit is my new home
And I feel so languid
The doctors here are wonderful
They gave me Di-lau-did

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 1
 1
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 0
 
 4   0
 0
 0
 
 5   4
 4
 4
 

User Comments

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wdh - November 02, 2003 - Report this comment
Well done!
Smurf and Mr. Horse - November 02, 2003 - Report this comment
Another fun one Johnny! 5's
Guy - November 02, 2003 - Report this comment
This one was a real gas. Good job.
Rick D - November 02, 2003 - Report this comment
A good trivute to "Burnie Taupin"
Rick D - November 02, 2003 - Report this comment
A good tribute to "Burnie Taupin" (not trivute)
Michael Pacholek - November 02, 2003 - Report this comment
Now that's using your bean!
Johnny D - November 02, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks all !
Diva - November 03, 2003 - Report this comment
Very Good!
Wild Man - November 03, 2003 - Report this comment
LOL! nice job.
Meriadoc - November 03, 2003 - Report this comment
This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time! :-D
Sir Reginald Kenneth Dwight - November 04, 2003 - Report this comment
I think I've just been bloody flamed.
Johnny D - November 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Diva, WM, and Meriadoc! My apologies to the honorable Knight - but it's just a flamin' parody, so where's yer bleedin' sense of humor?
Leah Lockhart - November 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Quite possibly the funniest thing I've seen on this entire site. I was laughing out loud. You rock.
Johnny D - November 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Leah !
Jeff Reuben - November 15, 2003 - Report this comment
Great song...this was really funny!
Johnny D - November 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks Jeff !
John Jenkins - May 02, 2004 - Report this comment
Very clever, very well rhymed. I like the way you turn a song that tries to be profound into a parody that tries (and succeeds) to be everything but profound.
Agrimorfee - May 03, 2004 - Report this comment
ABC Competition 2004:Like John Jenkins said, you took the piss out of something so serious. Good story-telling with humor.444
Johnny D - May 03, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks JJ and Agrimorfee.
Phil Alexander - May 04, 2004 - Report this comment
I like these words much more than the original: come to think of it, that isn't actually much of a compliment, as the original is one of my least favourite songs, ever... this is a fitting twist to it, IMO, given how much the original, er.., blows ;-)
Johnny D - May 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Philbo! ;-D
Adagio - May 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Don't let Johnny near open flame. :D That's dangerously gassy. 5's
Johnny D - May 04, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Adagio! I studied amongst the fumes of the Master-of-Gas-Blasters, our mutual friend and colleague Guy DiRito, to whom I bow out of respect for his supreme flatulence-parody-creativity!
Spaff.com - May 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh, Johnny Angle, you're such a gas. Marilyn and Diana would be honored. I know *I* would be.
Johnny D - May 05, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you, Mighty Spaffopalooza.
Paul Robinson - May 07, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC Contest) - OUCH!!! Great job, Johnny. 5's. You know, way back in the early 60's my older brother David's friends were for the most part a pretty wild and drunken bunch. When they were about 17 or maybe 18 a bunch of them (not my brother, happily) made a reel-to-reel video tape of a few of them doing the trick (yes, they were all very, very smashed). I witnessed the tape once many years later. I don't know if any of them suffered physical damage but I wouldn't be surprised if they did. Oh...there was another "event" where one participant (not shown on camera) would hurl oranges like a baseball pitcher at a the object participant, who was waste-down naked, facing away from the camera and bent over so as to expose the dangling participle and accompanying "cojones". Object: strike said cojones with said hurled oranges. I don't know how the contest was judged...
Loosekanen (The Armstrong) - May 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Wow John. I don't leave a lot of comments... and even fewer positive ones, but this song really caught my attention. It flowed amazingly well and told a hilarious story. 5,5,5 from me.
Peregrin - May 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Great stuff JD!
Johnny D - May 08, 2004 - Report this comment
Thank you Paul Robinson ("cojones"? OUCH is RIGHT!!), Loosekanen (The Armstrong), and Peregrin!

This is the closing weekend for The Concord Players production of "1776", so I have not had much time to spare for parodies and reading/voting/commenting over the past few days, nor today as well, but I hope to get back into the flow next week. Thanks again!
MysteryGoat - May 09, 2004 - Report this comment
DKTO too well but pretty good regardless.
Johnny D - May 09, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, MysteryGoat.
Claude Prez - May 13, 2004 - Report this comment
I know I voted on this before but I gas I never commented; good stuff as always.
Johnny D - May 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks Claude.
Cryptic Wizard - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Usually I don't judge other people's parodies but this one was too good not to, all 5's from me, as soon as I can stop laughing whenever I read it.
Johnny D - May 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks very much, Cryptic Wizard.
Anny - March 20, 2006 - Report this comment
"Kids, don't try this at home". LOL. Another hilarious parody Johnny D! I laughed my a** off throughout the whole thing. It's definetly "bean" funny. It's a gas. Lol. Good job once again!!

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