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Song Parodies -> "Grandma's Got A Pun And She's A Danger"

Original Song Title:

"Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"

Original Performer:

Elmo & Patsy

Parody Song Title:

"Grandma's Got A Pun And She's A Danger"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

Grandma’s got a pun and she’s a danger –
if you don’t believe that you’re naïve.
You may think it’s merely harmless banter
but hear her groaners and you’re sure to heave.

“I thought I saw an eye surgeon
on an island off the shore
of Alaska --,” smirk emergin’,
“’twas an optical Aleutian” Grandma swore.

“Matter’s not how far you push it,”
Grandma said, “the envelope ”
is stationery, and the ele-
ment that cools your cocktail is an ice o’ tope.”

Grandma’s got a pun and she’s a danger –
eyes’re rolling like you’d not believe.
If an audience you madly grant her
from her gags you’ll soon be begging a reprieve.

“The roundest knight at King Art’s table,”
she said “was Sir Cumference.”
“and a cur who whelped mid-highway
went to jail for littering! Does that make sense?”

“Stan* knew Nan* was a moonshiner
but that fella loved her still”
Grandma notes, “and backward poets
write inversely, always have, and always will.”

Grandma’s got a pun and she’s a danger –
once she’s started she will never leave;
she imagines she’s quite the enchanter
with paronmastic punchlines up her sleeve..

Grandma told me that her butcher,
“tho’ not one to duty shirk,
once backed into his meat grinder
and he got a little behind in his work.”

“A short-statured fortune-teller
was arrested on a charge
of fraud,“ Grandma said, “but jumped bail
and so now he’s a small medium at large”

"Grandma’s having fun and she’s no danger –
oldsters should have fun at lifetime’s eve,
be indulged a bit as years grow scanter."
Yeah? If that’s what you think you’re just naive.

Grandma’s got a pun and she’s in danger –
her pun fun is no more just a peeve.
Folks’re saying if they could they’d plant her
six feet under and they’d never grieve.
* AAMOF, Stan really is Nan(cy)'s fella, since early 1970. She's never been a moonshiner, but did under his corruptive tutelage become a low-tech homebrewer. Those were the days --10 gallons of big-bubbled, appley-yeasty Corona-like brew for about $4.00 invested in ingredients and half as many weeks of patience. :-)

© Stan Hall 12/11/2008

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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User Comments

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Timmy1000 - December 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Good thing you can type these comments because my punmanship is not very good. Well done.
Ann Hammond - December 13, 2008 - Report this comment
he he
2Eagle - December 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Arty har har and very punny.
Leo Keough - December 13, 2008 - Report this comment
You are quite the 'pundit'! Did you ever try composing one of those 21x21 Sunday style crossword puzzles? A lot of your ideas here would work great as theme phrases.
John Jenkins - December 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Stan, you are not like the guy who e-mailed 10 puns to all of his friends to make them laugh and unfortunately found that no pun in ten did.

All of Grandma's puns are so bad that they do make me laugh. You are to be commended for fitting them so well into the parody format which, I suspect, took a bit of work.
HollyDazed - December 13, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir, Love this ditty, as well as the famous ~OS~.
Barry Wilson JR. - December 13, 2008 - Report this comment
If you have a cold, you could always say that you have a punny nose. You're the type that always looks to ESPN and Tony Kornheiser (aka Korn off the cob) for your latest pun. So, next time you're on the pun, take 555 puns with you so your punning water will never run dry. Remember, the pun is mightier than the sword!
Andria - December 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Next time that you are stopped for a traffic violation or for jaywalking, try punning from the cops, or pun the Boston Marathon if you are in good enough physical condition. (I am certainly not, since I am always huffing and puffing after simply taking a brisk walk out to the mailbox in hot weather.). Also, make sure that your sports car puns well before taking it to the 24 Hours of LeMans, get your female punny rabbit spayed before she produces more babies than there are people in New York City, and make sure you don't put out any eyeballs when you go out and shoot your BB pun. 5s, and nice job!
Crypt Keeper - December 14, 2008 - Report this comment
This parody is to die for. 555!
Stan Hall - December 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks for theh punny comments, everyone. I told her folks were going to hate her awful puns, but when she sees this positive response my old Itailian/Iranian granny's going to be telling _me_, "See? Ayatollah you it's-a be okay!" :-)

Leo -- AAMOF, I did donkey's years ago construct a crossword full of elaborate puns for a challenge/swap with some fellow crossword-loving friends. The experience taught me that I enjoy solving crosswords more than constructing them.

BTW, I've yet again neglected careful proofing before posting. My typo causes the word "paronomastic" to appear above as "paronmastic." :-(
AFW - December 14, 2008 - Report this comment
Excellent puns, very funny stuff...
alvin - December 14, 2008 - Report this comment
a unique and breezy concept and you came through beautifully on the execution...easily my fave of the day
Peregrin - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Great read Stan, I have no puns to add, I am pun-less.
Stan - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
AFW, Alvin, Peregrin - this was a pun spoof to write. :-)

and John Jenkins -- you're right, some of the puns included were tough to torque into reasonably pace-fitting shape without distorting their sense, and some better ones simply resisted twisting.

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