Remember when the games weren't long?
We lost them in three-seconds time
We'd get soaked with beer mixed with hurl
My mommy and daddy simply cry
But when the kiddie league prevails
And we've been beaten by three-foot females
Managers say we lost gross sales
We'll bid baseball goodbye

But I know a drug that makes us pro
Used by smaller men
We'll shrink our crotch, but crowds will eye
Baseball bats wave in the wind
We can show our heads back in this town
And show our baseball "Hall of Faming"
Damn, We play some great offence
This drug will mend
This drug will mend all our Impotence

How pitiful were all us guys?
But now us guys are towering
We're beating baseballs into dust
We'll retire young men who're as rich as kings
Armchair visitors, often males
Are astounded by new sporting tales
Managers say we're gaining sales
But all due to this lie

Cause I knew a drug that made us pro
Though crotch shrinking begins
We'll spit and slap the crowds high fives
Autographs signing for kids
We showed our heads back in this town
And slapped the rear of some hot groupie
Damn, We play some great offence
This drug will mend
This drug will mend all our Impotence

(Powerful Illegal Saxophone Solo)

Who knows how long drugs will last
Fans wonder how we're stars, so fast
Cause somewhere under this brute thrust
That same week nerd who they all cussed
We can't play with out all this
So couch, please, do not test our piss
Cause if you play this by the book
We'll have to say goodbye

We're strong like lead whack balls cross-town
Fabric tears off ball while soaring
Sure we play some great offence
Cause this drug will mend
This drug will mend all our Impotence