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Song Parodies -> "Mend All Our Impotence"

Original Song Title:

"End of the Innocence"

Original Performer:

Don Henley

Parody Song Title:

"Mend All Our Impotence"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

The steriod scandels continue....
Remember when the games weren't long?
We lost them in three-seconds time
We'd get soaked with beer mixed with hurl
My mommy and daddy simply cry
But when the kiddie league prevails
And we've been beaten by three-foot females
Managers say we lost gross sales
We'll bid baseball goodbye

But I know a drug that makes us pro
Used by smaller men
We'll shrink our crotch, but crowds will eye
Baseball bats wave in the wind
We can show our heads back in this town
And show our baseball "Hall of Faming"
Damn, We play some great offence
This drug will mend
This drug will mend all our Impotence

How pitiful were all us guys?
But now us guys are towering
We're beating baseballs into dust
We'll retire young men who're as rich as kings
Armchair visitors, often males
Are astounded by new sporting tales
Managers say we're gaining sales
But all due to this lie

Cause I knew a drug that made us pro
Though crotch shrinking begins
We'll spit and slap the crowds high fives
Autographs signing for kids
We showed our heads back in this town
And slapped the rear of some hot groupie
Damn, We play some great offence
This drug will mend
This drug will mend all our Impotence

(Powerful Illegal Saxophone Solo)

Who knows how long drugs will last
Fans wonder how we're stars, so fast
Cause somewhere under this brute thrust
That same week nerd who they all cussed
We can't play with out all this
So couch, please, do not test our piss
Cause if you play this by the book
We'll have to say goodbye

We're strong like lead whack balls cross-town
Fabric tears off ball while soaring
Sure we play some great offence
Cause this drug will mend
This drug will mend all our Impotence

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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AFW - April 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Great job, here...good message sent with fives
TJC - April 19, 2006 - Report this comment
what an epic! Scans erudite and melifulous... 5's!
Dee Range - April 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Grand slam plus one great job. I love baseball, and this steriod scandal is the pitts. All the recent records are now questionable, but this parody stands up to scrutiny. Top notch 5's
alvin rhodes - April 19, 2006 - Report this comment
my favorite of the day...bravo
Stephen Harrington - April 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Thought this one was about viagra when I read the title. 555.
Royce Miller - April 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Very well done.
Michael Pacholek - April 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Sad to say, the steroid questions, we didn't start with McGwire. Didn't end with him either. But when this parody came to an end, I had to give it a five.
Red Ant - April 20, 2006 - Report this comment
What Step-chan said. Good take on a somber OS, especially liked "(Powerful Illegal Saxophone Solo)".
Rex - June 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SB) Hmmm.... young men compromising their future for perceived glory now -- there's a theme that never ends. I'm sure Michael can tell us who belongs in the All Steroid Squad. Good work here.
Agrimorfee - June 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(Summertime) Smart writing.
Red Ant - June 14, 2006 - Report this comment
See above!
bobpiecheese - June 16, 2006 - Report this comment
(Summertime) Cool. Nice. Um...that's all I have to say. Don't know much about steroids...or baseball, for that matter. I am from Aussie, after all, and we're not into baseball.
Cat - June 18, 2006 - Report this comment
(SB) Spot on pacing and some great subs in there. Stellar job, Matthias!
Johnny D - June 19, 2006 - Report this comment
(SB) My wife and I live in Concord, Massachusetts, home of Walden Woods, so my home-town motto is, "Don Henley will protect us!"
Jeff Reuben - June 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Lots of Don Henley, little bit of Balco. This reminds me that I can remember the lineup for the 79 Orioles, but couldn't tell you today's team. Sad (yet funny)
Stuart McArthur - June 21, 2006 - Report this comment
(SB) wow, 2 Don Henleys in a row! was couch supposed to be coach, or is that yet another baseball term I don't understand - nice one Matthias
Matthias - December 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Aye, there are a few typos in this one that I just noticed.... Like "weak" and "coach", my bad, those drugs must be playing with my mind

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