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Song Parodies -> "Ordnance at Baltic Sea"

Original Song Title:

"Born in the USA"

Original Performer:

Bruce Springsteen

Parody Song Title:

"Ordnance at Baltic Sea"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

The Finnish Border Guard has seized freighter "Thor Liberty" at Kotka harbour. Originally her seaworthiness was under suspect. When the ship was inspected, the police found 150 tonnes of picrite (high explosive) loaded on paper sacks on pallets in her holds. When the ship was inspected further, they found 69 Patriot missiles, fully armed and with propellant, aboard. So far nobody seems to know where they have come or where they are heading to. Finnish Army has seized the missiles.
I read the news of Kotka harbour today
A ship was seized, and she was there to stay
Border Guard had thought her seaworth was nay
When they searched the ship, it was shocking to say -

Ordnance at Baltic Sea!
Ship loaded with picrite!
That stuff is high explosive -
A bang for the whole New Year!

The army was alerted and they raided her hold
Now they found some more and it stopped them cold
Sixty-nine missiles, and they were not old
Meant for New Year fireworks? Lo and behold!

Ordnance at Baltic Sea
Tons of nitroguanine
Seized by the town police
Owner is absentee!

Had a cargo which could level the town
A floating bomb, should the ship go down
The Finnish Army sure did look and frown
Now Patriots, they are classified
Wonder who the law defied

(by shipping)
Ordnance at Baltic Sea
Missiles with TNT
Meant for South Koree
Wonder what will say the US, whee!

Now Finnish Army, it was not amused
The cargo was unloaded and it was defused
The papers didn't show that they were onboard
They said "fireworks" what was down there stored

Ordnance at Baltic Sea
Loaded in Germany
Fueled, fused, ready for use
They sure were no fireworks, I'm not amused

Now Finnish Army has a problem new
Sixty-nine missiles, and what to do?
Should they seize them and take for own use
If owner can't be found and there are no clues?

(of the)
Ordnance at Baltic Sea!
Ship loaded with picrite!
That stuff is high explosive -
A bang for the whole New Year!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

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Patrick - December 23, 2011 - Report this comment
If I were the Finnish Guard, I'd keep the missiles. I have rather limited knowledge of explosives, but isn't anything involving picric acid highly unstable? I actually work for a store that sells fireworks for New Years. I like to think it keeps a few people from shooting live ammo from their guns into the air. The fee for a license to apply for licenses to sell old Mauser and Arisaka rifles from US to collectors in Europe is so high that only one or two companies are willing to put up with the expense and trouble. Yet, the feds let thousands of rifles go to Mexican drug gangs and now Patriot missiles. Those suckers are big. How could anyone lose track of one?
Susanna Viljanen - December 25, 2011 - Report this comment
The whole mess is about to clarify. The explosives and the missiles were on their way to South Korea - the SK army had bought Patriots from Germany, and the explosives were on their way to China. The ship had come to Finland to load a paper machine and a mile of anchor chain. Instead of airlift, the SK army had opted for cheapest shipping. The Ukrainian skipper had marked the missiles as "rockets", which is technically correct, but usually understood as "fireworks". The stevedored had had no idea on how to pack the explosives. Al in all, a total mess, and Finnish officials, who take security regulations VERY seriously, weren't amused. But at least the sailors got to have the Christmas at land.

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