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Song Parodies -> "He's Always a Clipboard QB"

Original Song Title:

"She's Always a Woman to Me"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"He's Always a Clipboard QB"

Parody Written by:

Mike Armstrong

The Lyrics

Back to basics. Pacholeck, I think you will enjoy this one. =)
He steps under center, scans the D with his eyes.
They can come with a blitz and he won't recognize.
He is Alex Van Pelt. He is Rohan Davey.
He throws like a girl cuz he's only a clipboard QB.

He weighs 145. Can he be any shorter?
And there is no suspense when you hit the fourth quarter.
As he throws his next deep-out, his fifth INT,
Yeah, you swear to your God, but he's always a clipboard QB.

OH! he will go three for twelve.
He looks scared on the field.
It just isn't his time.
OH! He will never give up.
But he is forty-two.
He is way past his prime.

Yeah his college stats show that he can be terrific.
Until you realize that he went to Pacific.
Put McNown in the game. It's an L guarentee.
Blame it on the O-line, but he's always a clipboard QB.


OH! He earns way more than us
To remember to bring
All his stuff to the game.
OH! That's a stylish ball cap.
He might hold for a kick.
It's his one claim to fame.

He is never maligned when he stays out the way.
And he is rarely expected to come save the day.
And unless you're the ageless wonder Doug Flutie
Your single season's check could feed all of Iraq
But you're still just a clipboard QB.


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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   1

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Guy - December 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Penalty declined, gain of 5. Nice work.
The Great Karlando - December 08, 2003 - Report this comment
I like this a lot. I only sorta know the song though, so I had to whip out my Billy Joel CD and listen to it. I rarely ever do that, but I just felt like I had to here. 555.
Claude Prez - December 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Some great lines; esp. liked the second bridge.
Michael Pacholek's Doctor - December 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Mr. Pacholek cannot respond. He is under my care for having aggravated the muscles used in laughter. He is listed as questionable for tomorrow's contest against the Tennessee Write-Ins. In other words, he certainly won't be starting, but he may come off the bench. He should certainly be ready to start against the Buffalo Quills.
Loosekanen (The Armstrong) - December 08, 2003 - Report this comment
Definitely wrote this one with you in mind Pacholeck.
Johnny D - December 09, 2003 - Report this comment
55.5-yard field goal attempt - IT'S GOOD !
2nz - December 10, 2003 - Report this comment
Excellent, Great, 90 yard run great, so good that imagine this whole line is being said by the guy who announces European football. Pacing is tight...creative passes...caught by hilarious...AND IT SCORES!! The parody scores 15, that's three 5's in a row, Bob.
Rice Cube - December 12, 2003 - Report this comment
I liked it :-) Sports parodies are your bag, baby.
S.T.G. - June 08, 2004 - Report this comment
WOW Good job I liked it a lot
Charlie Decker - June 13, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABCs) This is definatley getting one of my votes...genious!
wdh - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Sports parody, Billy Joel, all my favorite stuff mixed into one. Perfect parody
Jake A Ralphing (Luke Brattoni) - June 15, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABCs) Gee, I hate bursting your accumulated bubble of glory but I guess this is just a culture clash. I can't associate with the subject so don't really find it that interesting. I'm assuming you mean a 'clipboard Quarter Back', joking about the role of The Fonz in The Waterboy. (?) To make it worse, I DKTOS. I won't vote as I don't find myself qualified to. You rhyming was good, though.
John Jenkins - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Excellent parody with lots of good lines. You make a good point about Pacific; but, in the 60s, the Los Angeles Rams had an excellent running back, Dick Bass, who had had played his college football at Pacific. - June 16, 2004 - Report this comment
Ralphing Luke: Yeah, I'm afraid you'd have to be a fan of (American) football for this to make much sense. But it's worth becoming a fan for. (And determining that QB means quarterback is a big step.) Good job, M&A. And some great rhymes.
Paul Robinson - June 17, 2004 - Report this comment
Mike, good job. I don't really know too many Billy Joel songs all the way through but this one is familiar enough. 5-5-5 - John J. - ahh...The 'Scooter' from COP, Dick Bass. Great runner, low center of gravity and quick lateral cuts and moves made him an effective runner. Too bad the Rams were so Gawd-Awful bad during his years with them. They had a good team until the dope that ran the team traded 11 players for Ollie Matson...Can you believe that? Matson was a very good, very versatile player, but no running back can win games for you if you trade away all the people that could conceivably block effectively for them. They also traded away a good part of their defense in that deal, too...Went from something like 8-4 or 9-3 to maybe 2-10 the next year (and for about 5 more years after that until George Allen was brought in). Ahhh...that was when I used to care about football.
Meriadoc - June 18, 2004 - Report this comment
(ABC) I have no idea what you are talking about, outside of football, but the pacing was good and I could see the humor in it. All those 5's can't be wrong...
Jeff Reuben - June 20, 2004 - Report this comment
Very well written, one of the better sports parodies on the site!
Michael Pacholek - February 08, 2005 - Report this comment
Has anybody noticed that Rohan Davey (mentioned in the first verse), backup quarterback to Tom Brady, now has two Super Bowl rings? (Despite just 18 career passing attempts thus far.) And, of course, Brady himself was a Clipboard QB until Drew (I Hit Him Hard and He) Bledsoe went down, beginning the Patriot "dynasty." So don't malign all backup quarterbacks just because they ain't starting now. That's the (Earl) Morrall of the story.

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