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Song Parodies -> "Benidorm Tranni Lesley"

Original Song Title:

"Always a woman to me"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Benidorm Tranni Lesley"

Parody Written by:

Bruno

The Lyrics

Tim Healey is a respected actor from Newcastle (North East of England). Tim usually plays tough guy roles. He's 59, short, built like a brick outhouse, with a face like a bulldog. His latest role, is a roller skating transvestite bar tender in a holiday complex in Benidorm, who likes to sing karaoke. Matteo is his Spanish alpha male work mate. Tim was in a series called Auf Wiedershen Pet for years where a bunch of unemployed Geordies (Newcastle boys) found work on a German building site. 'Why-i' and 'pet' are Geordie slang.
He can fill up with mild, as he swoons over pies.
Can pepper airspace with his Geordie why-i’s.
He’s honed like the steel from a Tyneside foundry.
Decides Humberside’s cold as Norway. He needs sun and sea.

Her speech may seem gruff as she skates out to greet you.
Muffled gasps, whispered s'truths. Girth as big as an emu.
Lip shade, pickled liver, put on tenderly.
Skin’s peeled, wig is bleached, metal eyeliner put on wonky.

Chorus
Oh – though she’s barely top shelf,
it’s a date that she wants,
that won’t stop on a dime.
Oh – Karaoke’s her shout.
Has she been on the gin,
or just losing her mind?

She’ll never score more than that blond group from Sweden.
She’s shaved her legs so many times that they’re bleeding.
She frightens the guests, when she’s in the Ladies.
Seems that some of them feel, that she shouldn’t stand up when she pees.

Chorus
Though – size 18’s hardly svelt,
suspect thyroid’s defunct,
or a victim of chyme.
Oh – lets her metre belt out,
cos it cuts her beer gut,
like Dutch cheese with a rind.

Though the heels are a bind, having boobs can be cool.
Matteo might tease, but he still tends to drool.
The corset restricts when she plays in the sea.
She can turn the air blue if she’s swearing at you,
when the Geordie boy’s dressed as Lesley.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 4   1
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 5   5
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User Comments

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Patrick - May 23, 2011 - Report this comment
I have no idea who you're talking about, but it's quite funny and very well written.
Wendy Christopher - May 23, 2011 - Report this comment
I've never watched the programme myself, but I do know who you're talking about! And I'm also old enough to remember him in Auf Wiedersehen Pet *shame!* Very funny, great pacing - a definite 555!
WarrenB - May 23, 2011 - Report this comment
Echoing what Patrick said. Great descriptions.
AFW - May 23, 2011 - Report this comment
Interesting intro and theme story from Jolly Old..
Bruno - May 24, 2011 - Report this comment
Thanks everyone for the positive feedback. I'm not sure which UK programmes run in the US.

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