“All Cock and Balls To Me”

What’s the matter with the words I been usin’?
That’s the thing I don’t understand.
Maybe you could tell me the words you’d like better
When I tell you what makes me a man.
No, Baby, I’m not tryin’ to be funny
Just tryin’ to say what you may be missin’, honey --
Pocket rocket, peter, tool, donor to the gene pool,
It’s all cock and balls to me.

What’s the matter with a little plain-speakin’
When I got a point to get across?
If I beat around the bush while I’m talking
What I wanna say just might get lost
All I wanna do is get across my meaning
But you make it hard when my language you’re screening
Staff, shaft, lady pleaser, boner, meat, or “Little Caesar”
It’s all cock and balls to me

Oh, it shouldn’t matter how I say what I’m sayin’
Babe, as long as you know what I mean
You shouldn’t put me down
Even tho sometimes I sound
like I'm clueless about talkin' clean
... like your average teen

Would you like better if I spoke like a physician,
Sayin’ penis or perhaps manhood?
Does it really put you off to call a bone a blade,
Schmekie, pencil, stiffie, splinter, wood?
Would it turn you off if instead of "tumescent"
I said “Honey, I’ve a got major hard-on present”?
Peter, putz, beans-and-frank, eve’ry thing I need to wank,
It’s still cock and balls to me.


(musical interlude)


Howzabout we really try to find way to
Come to terms on terminology?
Let me keep my vulgar metaphors and similes
And you can stick (to) your biology
Or maybe I’ll just let a bulge do my talkin’
-- very eloquent but not so great for the walkn’
Root, rod, pecker, prick, ding-a-ling or plain ol' dick
It’s all cock and balls to me

Call it johnson, call it joint, honey, but the main point’s
It’s all cock and balls to me.