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Song Parodies -> "All C*ck & B*lls To Me"

Original Song Title:

"Still Rock & Roll To Me"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel'

Parody Song Title:

"All C*ck & B*lls To Me"

Parody Written by:

Stan Hall

The Lyrics

“All Cock and Balls To Me”

What’s the matter with the words I been usin’?
That’s the thing I don’t understand.
Maybe you could tell me the words you’d like better
When I tell you what makes me a man.
No, Baby, I’m not tryin’ to be funny
Just tryin’ to say what you may be missin’, honey --
Pocket rocket, peter, tool, donor to the gene pool,
It’s all cock and balls to me.

What’s the matter with a little plain-speakin’
When I got a point to get across?
If I beat around the bush while I’m talking
What I wanna say just might get lost
All I wanna do is get across my meaning
But you make it hard when my language you’re screening
Staff, shaft, lady pleaser, boner, meat, or “Little Caesar”
It’s all cock and balls to me

Oh, it shouldn’t matter how I say what I’m sayin’
Babe, as long as you know what I mean
You shouldn’t put me down
Even tho sometimes I sound
like I'm clueless about talkin' clean
... like your average teen

Would you like better if I spoke like a physician,
Sayin’ penis or perhaps manhood?
Does it really put you off to call a bone a blade,
Schmekie, pencil, stiffie, splinter, wood?
Would it turn you off if instead of "tumescent"
I said “Honey, I’ve a got major hard-on present”?
Peter, putz, beans-and-frank, eve’ry thing I need to wank,
It’s still cock and balls to me.


(musical interlude)


Howzabout we really try to find way to
Come to terms on terminology?
Let me keep my vulgar metaphors and similes
And you can stick (to) your biology
Or maybe I’ll just let a bulge do my talkin’
-- very eloquent but not so great for the walkn’
Root, rod, pecker, prick, ding-a-ling or plain ol' dick
It’s all cock and balls to me

Call it johnson, call it joint, honey, but the main point’s
It’s all cock and balls to me.
© Stan Hall This started out as a riff on "cock and bull" with lots of lying lines, and may reemerge thus fleshed, but somehow I got sidetracked by a random thought about Mary. There's something about Mary, y'know. :-)

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 LittleLots
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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 9

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User Comments

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Meriadoc - January 29, 2008 - Report this comment
How'd you get that schwanz past the censor? :-O
John Barry - January 29, 2008 - Report this comment
What a sexicon.
Stan - January 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Michael & John. Re "past the censors," considering a rather tamer G&S parody I submitted awhile back that _didn't_ make it, I was no small amount surprised. I supposed when submitting, that I was per a frightfully clichéd pun, an asterisk it, but I believe the titular asterisks may have been what put it through. In fact, Ive a mind to ask site proprietor Chuck if something similar work with get the G&S entry.
Doppelbock - January 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Oh, you evil bastard, you made me spew Dr. Pepper on my monitor. Sheer genius!
Stan - January 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Abov, mean to say "Thanks, _Merry_ ...," not "Michael." I am so carless. :-(
LadyCupCakes - January 29, 2008 - Report this comment
Sir, this kind of language simply puts me in a bunnyKnot!! And I had higher hopes for you ~Lord Hall~
Stan - January 29, 2008 - Report this comment
I _am_ sorry, Ladycakes ... I guess as Shakespeare's Laucelot (in The Merchant of Venice) did not quite _exactly_ say, "... at length [uncouth] will out." :-)
alvin - January 29, 2008 - Report this comment
you've written some great stuff but none made me laugh as much as this one
Peregrin - January 30, 2008 - Report this comment
Excellent, this was a hard one to 'tackle' :)

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