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Song Parodies -> "We Want to Kick the Tires"

Original Song Title:

"We Didn't Start the Fire"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"We Want to Kick the Tires"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Has a car salesman ever tried to impress you with his "knowledge" of cars in order to get you to buy one from him -- and then you found out he was lying?
[CUSTOMERS, reading car ads on dealer lot]
Sherwood Mazda, sale today -- wait a few - months to pay
Honda Civic, credit limit, pimp out my Geo

Henry Curtis Ford and Lincoln, Navigator bling-o-vision
Brand new Kia, South Korean, Hyundai Elan-tra

Thunderbird, F-Bod...Firebird Firehawk
Suzuki Samurai, BMW X5

Brand new Mustang, dark green, inspired by Steve McQueen
Fancy Bimmer 7-Series, not equipped with "iDrive"

We may be first-time buyers
Who don't know what we want
But let's see what you've got
We may be first-time buyers
But don't take advantage
..'Cause you'll hear some rantage

[SMILING SALESMAN, extolling the virtues of the "perfect car"]
Cadillackadaisical, pitch it for a better mill
Fuel-injected, wear-protected, alumi-num block

Touch-tone mobile phone, navigation, free roam
Crystalline "Bvlgari Europe"-designed clock

Air bags, chrome mags, wins at all the stoplight drags
Storage pockets, leather seats, lumbar support, cold and heat

Low front, hot rod rake, power steering, power brakes
Dash displays, wood inlays, too bad it all looks fake

We want to kick the tires
We are still just shopping
Till the price is dropping
We want to kick the tires
Look how fast they're turning!
You smell something burning?

[SALESMAN, smile fading]
Folding seats - on a track, 60/40 row in back
TVs, DVD, new XBox 360

Dual exhaust, quick defrost, nav in case you get lost
Floor mats are thrown in free, 10 grand off this SUV

Euro-flavor mohair, space saver donut spare
Two-door coupes...they're hot, Edsel on the back lot

Z3, RX-8, most alphanumeric names
Toyo-ta A-valon, radar so you're not caught

Why is it so much higher?
(That's) not the price you quoted
How'd it get so bloated?
Why is it so much higher?
Yes I'm sure it's nifty...
But it's not worth fifty!

[SALESMAN, turning red]
Six-CD dash stack, put stuff on the roof rack
Glove box, gas shocks, power windows and locks

Mirrors for your vanity, OnStar for your sanity
Low miles, auto-dim, carbon-fiber-look trim

Clear blue - xenon lights -- best for when you drive at night
Package tray, luggage bay, what else do I have to say?

Hey mister, where's the fire?
Why are you so worried?
And in such a hurry?
Hey mister, where's the fire?
We shop at our leisure
Please don't have a seizure

[SALESMAN, veins bulging]
Auto trans, window tint, navigation once again
Moonroof, storage slots, warranty a-gainst rot

Bug de-flector, double stripes, air conditioned -- blows ice
Hybrid power -- running green, flashy chrome will get you seen

Never smoked in, never crashed, never broken, not a scratch
Title's clear, bought new here, won - Car - of the Year

Best of Consumer Reports, won acclaim in peace and war
Holds a bunch of two-by-fours, please don't make me list some more...

We think that you're a liar
There's no car with all that
What you've said is all crap
We think that you're a liar
(But) We could help you move it
...If you take us to it

We didn't cause your ire
But when we have gone
Lead some sucker on, and on, and on, and on...
(c) 2006 Jay the Wannabe Mustang Jockey. I don't just write song parodies

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 28

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   1
 3   0
 4   3
 5   23

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Stuart McArthur - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
oh...My...God, again - there's synchronicity going on today - combine this with MP's parody today, and you have my tonight's submission - excellent stuff here, mustang - esp. liked Cadillackadaisical - 555
Cat - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
HO. LY. *beeeeeeeeep* Flat-out ASTOUNDING, WMJ. Stu beat me to the punch for the "Cadillackadaisical," but there are so so SO many other good lines..."alphanumeric names," "OnStar for your sanity," "bling-o-vision," and every one of the choruses. You know what? I'm just gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and say TMGLTM, you definitely deserve it.
Rick C - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I'm surprised this has so few votes. Definitely a 555 in my blue book.
Rick C - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
Oops, I was reading SOTM parodies and clicked over to today's page, thinking I was still in the March SOTM stuff. I'm sure I'll see this in April's entries though.
Dee Range - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Flat out top-notch stuff. Great lines everywhere, and easy to picture. This would be a great SNL spoof. Super high 5's from me.
Larry Hensley - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Very high revving parody, 555 mph
Agrimorfee - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Very good, of your best.
wannabemustangjockey - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
I just noticed that this is the 200th Billy Joel parody...
Agrimorfee - May 02, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) see above
Chris Bodily TM - May 04, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) That was weird, I was trying to write this comment and the window just closed. how beeeeeeeped up is that? At least I could make a pun out of it. This is officially the first time I have ever heard TOS, and I couldn't have done it without The pacing was perfect, the lyrics were a riot, and I love the alternating choruses. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Weird Al pioneer alternating choruses or was he predated? This parody is in no need of a ticket. 555
MysteryGoat - May 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent!!!! I've been wanting to make a parody of this one for a long time. Forgive me for being surprised at how well the pacing is, I can only imagine the hell.
Rex - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) An amazing achievement here. It auto do well in the SOTM.
Rick C - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above.
Cat - May 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above! Still lovin' it! And the "Edsel on the back lot" line I missed the first time around was especially good. =) And I listened to the OS on my iPod while reading this, the pacing was almost perfectly spot-on.
Scathe - May 11, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Very smoothly done, mustangjockey. It seems you got your parallel with my entry after all. The two seem to have a "before(yours) and after(mine)" tone. Yours is better though. :-)
Matthias - May 12, 2006 - Report this comment
This parody gets great gas millage, 555 miles to the gallon!!!
Max Power - May 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - May 17, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - I'd like to combine this parody with Stu's - that is I'd like to have all those women he desired in the backseat of this car - and then if you see it rocking, don't come a-knocking! :-)
bobpiecheese - May 18, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Holy crap! It's one thing to tackle such a monstrosity of an OS in the first place. It's another thing to think of an original idea to make the parody about. But to nail the pacing, be freakin' HILARIOUS, alternating choruses, name-drops AND a sloly enraging salesman?! This is definitely on the top of the list of 'Best Parody I Read, This, Month'.
Red Ant - May 23, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Excellent parody, Jay, and solid throughout. I'm sold. 5s.
Johnny D - May 28, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Superlative wordsmithing!
Phil Alexander - May 29, 2006 - Report this comment
Thought I'd commented on this one, too: loved "Cadillackadaisical" (I guess I'm not the only one).
Stuart McArthur - May 29, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) yeah, I love this one - making the whole song about cars is funny in itself, wannabe - I wish you'd chosen another month though! ;-)
Arwen - May 30, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM...this OS has replaced the Major General Song on my list of those that I can't imagine doing. I might give 5s for even attempting it...but this is great...=)
Larry Hensley - May 31, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above, and appropriate subject for a Billy Joel parody. - June 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Checkin' out the SOTM results... Fantastic stuff, Jockey Jay. I'm not nearly enough of a masochist to play the OS along with this, so I'll trust the pacing commendations from those who did. Your encyclopedic car knowledge pays off again. Woo-hoo!
Michael Pacholek - June 12, 2006 - Report this comment
I didn't even notice this one until now, but it's a worthy SOTM winner. But I should point out that it's the 200th parody of a Billy Joel song from the 1980s, not the 200th overall BJ parody. (And a LOT of them are mine.) You sure started something with this parody -- although I'm not sure the car was started!
da parish - June 12, 2006 - Report this comment
It's hard to here the parody with just the words. Is there a way to "Hear" it?
Rick C - March 30, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Still a great one, WBMJ and, I think "da parish" just pointed out why the rest of the world just doesn't understand us.
Below Average Dave - March 31, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Well, We Didn't Start the Fire appears to be a major parody target too. . .and it's a list parody in almost all examples I've seen it's good, but I think by you I have one's I like better.

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