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Song Parodies -> "The Elephant Man"

Original Song Title:

"An Innocent Man"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"The Elephant Man"

Parody Written by:

Jeff Reuben

The Lyrics

Some women stay far away from a man
If he's got two foot long ivory tusks
They slam the door and I'm stuck outside
I'm thick...skinned but it...makes me cry

Your stance is firm, you don't date pachyderms
But there's talk down at the watering hole
Some people say you're a hippocrite
For moonlighting with the rhino

I know you said you won't date circus geeks
To you I'm just a grotesque sideshow freak
But I'm not worried
Cause I am a hunk
And I've got a big trunk
Oh yeah, I'll trumpet my cause where I can
You shouldn't jeer my big floppy ears
When it's hot, they'll cool like a fan
If you're beguiled by the call of the wild
If you are looking for a Republican
Please consider giving me a try
Because I am the Elephant Man!
I AM...THE ELEPHANT MAN!
Oh yes I am!

Some people say that I can't get a date
Cause when I kiss girls think that they'll get gored
They think it's wrong that my head is oblong
I guess chicks just don't dig herbivores

I went to school with a congenital
Disease, I wasn't like the other lads
My ears were jumbo, just like Dum-bo
Kids teased me and that made me sad

I tried to let those kids climb me one day
They said I'm fat and I smelled like decay
So I crushed them but that's all in the past
They can all kiss my Mast-odon
I'm really a romantic guy
I'll dip my trunk in a pool, take a drink
And we'll bathe under the Tuskan Sky

I'm not above giving two tons of love
But if you want to be on top you can
I promise never to trample your heart
If you start dating Elephant Man!
I AM...THE ELEPHANT MAN!
Oh yes I am!
The Elephant Man!

You know you only shoot me down out of spite
I guess you'd rather date the hippo tonight
That's your decision
But I'm feeling scorned
Just because I'm deformed
Severe proteus syndrome wasn't my plan
My head's still growing, it's seven feet wide
And some lesions appeared on my glands

No I don't hope for a miracle cure
I guess I just accept the way that I am
I look barbaric, I'm just like John Merrick
Cause I am the Elephant Man!

I AM...THE ELEPHANT MAN!
Oh yes I am!
The Elephant Man!

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 



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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 43

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 0
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   2
 1
 1
 
 4   1
 1
 2
 
 5   40
 41
 40
 

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin rhodes - March 03, 2006 - Report this comment
wondrous wordplay and imagery
Arwen - March 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Woohoo, Jeff Reuben is back!

I am so beyond impressed, Jeff! Many many laugh out loud lines, but the rhino and hippo parts stand out to me, along with the lovely invitation to kiss your mastadon! FABulous, in every way. It's a hard OS to do...(in my opinion, I've tried)...and you have just nailed it. I can't praise it enough!! HUGE 5s...=)

Oh, and woohoo...you're back!!!
AFW - March 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey, it's a jungle out there in the dating scene...Most interesting twist..5's
Rex - March 03, 2006 - Report this comment
555 peanuts for you. LOL'd when I got to "So I crushed them..."
John Barry - March 03, 2006 - Report this comment
This is great! 5s
Larry Hensley - March 04, 2006 - Report this comment
It's a new classic. 5's!
malcolm higgins - March 04, 2006 - Report this comment
tusk tusk for the kissing mastodon bit, but 5's anyway
Chris Bodily TM - March 05, 2006 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but the MIDI that I used to synch the song helped me pace the song. Great lyrics, they really made up for the DKTOS, and so I award you 555 for such an excellent parody.
John Jenkins - March 05, 2006 - Report this comment
Excellent puns. Very well done.
Olaf! - March 06, 2006 - Report this comment
No junks in this trunk! The rhyming and puns in every part is very geneous! I am laughing so much! This is making me so impressed! This is a very unforgettable paroty.
Spaff.com - March 06, 2006 - Report this comment
It was worth the wait for this pack o' dermal puns. It's all beautiful but "So I crushed them" is classic. Welcome back, Jeffaroo.
Stuart McArthur - March 13, 2006 - Report this comment
a tour de force, Jeff! - esp. liked "They think it's wrong that my head is oblong" - LOL - 555 - great idea too
Chris Bodily TM - April 07, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above... And I still couldn't find the original recording full-length (stupid copyright laws). This is still jumbo the second time around.
Cat - April 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Had to resort to raiding my dad's music collection for the OS, but this was a real hoot! Jammed with all sorts of excellent puns, definitely TMGLTM.
Matthias - April 08, 2006 - Report this comment
I can't believe I missed this the first time, I loved the line " But if you want to be on top you can" you must date some pretty big gals there Jeff... Great Idea, Great Song, Great Everything...
Rex - April 09, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Even better the second time around. Remember, once you go elephant, you know what is relevant.
Rick C - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Sorry I missed this gem when it posted, Jeff. Great lines, scattered like elephant droppings all over the place :-) 555
Agrimorfee - April 10, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Trumpeting another classic Jeff Reuben work!
Adagio - April 12, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM)
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - April 13, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM - There's no guarantee that it will still be there when you (whoever you are) read this, but I found the original song here:

zachsilverstein.name/An Innocent Man.mp3
2nz - April 13, 2006 - Report this comment
Punny stuff, Jeff. Welcome back really late. Hard to follow because of how Billy Joel sings, so excellent work on your part. My highlights included "I'm not above giving two tons of love/ But if you want to be on top you can"
Scathe - April 13, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) Weird stuff, Jeff.
Max Power - April 13, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM-Great
bobpiecheese - April 16, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) I can see why a girl wouldn't want to date a guy who looks like an elephant...or is an elephant...you weren't quite clear on that. Who cares, the pacing was top notch! Brilliant, Jeff.
Stuart McArthur - April 28, 2006 - Report this comment
(sotm) "Tuskan sky" "Mast-odon" - takes me back to the old TOTTM days with all the Reubenesque punnery - sigh - oh, and see above ;-)
Phil Alexander - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Definitely the best one so far, Jeff. Brilliant.
Red Ant - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) The last of the parodies I've reviewed for the contest, but certainly not the least. Solid all the way through, and very funny. Great work!
Confission - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(sotm) hahaha. that was great
Arwen - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
SOTM--I love Love LOVED this the first time around...and yet, I love it more today. It's seriously SO good, Jeff. You've got my vote!
wannabemustangjockey - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) So the Elephant Man's a Republican eh? I wonder why...
Johnny D - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) He's really not The Elephant Man...he's more like The Incredible WELK (picture Lawrence Welk turning green & pumped-up by bubbles full of gamma rays).
Larry Hensley - May 01, 2006 - Report this comment
(SOTM) See above!
ME23 - May 28, 2006 - Report this comment
not too bad
Jeff Reuben - May 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you!
Rick C - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) A pleasure to come back to this one, Jeff. This is one of your best parodies, in my opinion. :-)
Jeff Reuben - March 08, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks Rick! I'm working on the performance...
Matthias - March 15, 2007 - Report this comment
A personal favorite of mine, sheer brilliance
Below Average Dave - March 26, 2007 - Report this comment
(SOTY) Well, I won't say a lot, a lot has already been said. . .but I read it. . .
Matthias - May 05, 2009 - Report this comment
This one is a classic Jeff Reuben parody and one that you really need to make a recording for!
Max Power - May 06, 2009 - Report this comment
See above
Guy - May 08, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC-5F)

A mammoth of a parody, Jeff. This gives "Pacman" a whole new meaning. Wonderful word play and the puns are just over the top. Extremely well crafted!
Red Ant - May 09, 2009 - Report this comment
This is still great, and I think I caught an unintentional pun: "they'll get gored". Funny recording of a tricky OS.
Stuart McArthur - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) so much to love about this one Jeff, not least of which is the accomplished singing voice, and gee the way you hit those high notes suggests you should give some Bee Gees tunes a look - loved the elephant noises too - and again I loved the line "They think it's wrong that my head is oblong I guess chicks just don't dig herbivores" - so with no meat OR chicks, what exactly do herbivores live for? many many great lines in this
Claude Prez - May 13, 2009 - Report this comment
I guess I'll just have to echo what everyone else has already said; love the puns esp.
bobpiecheese - May 15, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC4) See above (although I now understand who 'the elephant man' is/was, so more appreciation for me!) !
Melanie Lee - May 15, 2009 - Report this comment
(ABC) Cute, amusing lyrics; I liked the internal rhymes. I had trouble following the song, at least in part because of stresses on the wrong syllables. (I listed to the OS; the given webpage was down.) 4-5-4 and a bag of peanuts!
Jeff Reuben - May 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Yes, BAD is down (long story). The recording is also here: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7580000
Below Average Dave - May 15, 2009 - Report this comment
yep, down. . .and I feel out. . .this story was almost sad. . .made me want to cry, except at the moment I am totally out of tears, friggin bad week , My 8-ball was right again. . .stupid 8 ball. . .
Agrimorfee - July 07, 2012 - Report this comment
You pulled this one out of your trunk once again, to the Artistry competitors, tusk, tusk! An elephant here that no one should forget.
Max Power - July 08, 2012 - Report this comment
I remember the story of the real elephant man, it was tragic.
Porfle Popnecker - July 08, 2012 - Report this comment
Extra-large 5s!
Rex - July 15, 2012 - Report this comment
Are elephant men scared of mousey girls? It was fun seeing this one again.
bobpiecheese - July 17, 2012 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Maybe this guy should look for dates in the furry fandom, then maybe he'd get results. One of your signature parodies, and it's still awesome. 555!
Matthias - July 19, 2012 - Report this comment
Yeah this one is a Jeff Reuben classic just like A Bar Maid Fight. Of course this one scores high marks with me. Why wouldn't it?
Below Average Dave - July 19, 2012 - Report this comment
I still think this one comes off as kind of sad, but funny sad if that makes sense (Why am I having a Barenaked Ladies "I Laugh at Funerals" moment). . .anyway, yeah, that's about it:)
Glen S - July 19, 2012 - Report this comment
Still awesome Jeff. I still liked all this punny, vintage J Reuben goodness, but this time 'If you are looking for a Republican' and your use of 'hippocrite' regarding rhinos. GREAT GREAT

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