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Song Parodies -> "Flora's Thong's a Crime"

Original Song Title:

"For the Longest Time"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Flora's Thong's a Crime"

Parody Written by:

Rick Cormier

The Lyrics

Whoah, oh, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a crime
Whoah, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a crime

Saw a girl named Flora at the beach
What she had on left me without speech
A thong bikini
But, Flora's far from skinny
And that's one reason Flora's thong's a crime

First I thought her bathing suit was gone
From behind, it looked like she had none
The straps were hidden
"Neath flabby flaps had ridden
Thought she was naked. Flora's thong's a crime

Whoah, oh, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a crime
Whoah, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a

Flora's just as wide as she is tall
Not unlike a typical beach ball
Thongs should be outlawed
For people with a stout bod
I've got to tell you Flora's thong's a crime

She dove in, the sea level rose
An old swabbie yelled,
"Avast, thar she blows!"
As she floated, gulls cried to be fed
One perched upon her head
Thought he'd found a new land mass

Globes the size of twin weather balloons
Flopped and swayed as she went through the dunes
Oh, if she passes,
Watch out for both her asses
They're swinging freely. Flora's thong's a crime

She lay on a sheet to relax
I noticed that she
Neglected to wax
She is much too hirsute for her suit
With the whitest skin to boot
She was more than an eyeful

She cares not what other people think
So she bought that thong of hottest pink
But, when she wears it,
Some little kids, she scares and
That's another reason Flora's thong's a crime

Whoah, oh, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a crime
Whoah, oh, oh
Flora's thong's a crime

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 LittleLots
Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 23

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 1
 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
 1
 
 4   1
 0
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 5   22
 22
 22
 

User Comments

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Song title cop - September 22, 2005 - Report this comment
TOS is called "The Longest Time"; I am positive that the original song title does not contain "For." Nice job anyways.
Rick C - September 22, 2005 - Report this comment
The Song Title Cop is correct. Also, since I had the OS title incorrect, I missed the fact that Malcom Higgins had previously submitted a parody entitled, "A Thong This Time" to the same OS. My apologies to Mr. Higgins. See, this is what happens when you allow idiots to post to this site.
AFW - September 22, 2005 - Report this comment
DKOS...but like your title, and funny write..for fives
alvin rhodes - September 22, 2005 - Report this comment
From behind, it looked like she had none....this line just slayed me... what a mental image...nice job on this one...5s
Kristof Robertson - September 22, 2005 - Report this comment
"Watch out for both her asses" absolutely floored me, Rick...stunning effort (unlike Flora)...555
Rick D - September 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Reminds me of a B.C comic where Thor is charging five clams to go up a little hill and see a "breathtaking view". Everyone comes down with their eyes and tongue bugging out. Then the "Fat Broad" copmes down in a bikini and asks, "How'd we do?" Oh, five clams for you.
carol - September 22, 2005 - Report this comment
this is good enough to tickle anyone's funnybone I would think. 555
Red Ant - September 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Haven't heard this OS in ages but it came back once I started reading. Good work.
Larry Hensley - September 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Whoa, this was funny, 5s
Paul Robinson - September 23, 2005 - Report this comment
This had me chuckling for the longest time ~ ~ ~ 5's ~ ~ ~
Spaff.com - September 27, 2005 - Report this comment
I've been sitting here for the longest time trying to come up with a witty comment. I give up - you've left me speechless. It's beautiful. "Too hirsute for her suit" - heh heh. Record it!
Rick C - September 29, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, AFW, alvin, Kristof, Rick D, carol, Red Ant, Larry, Paul and Spaff.com. I might record it but, I'd like to see if I can get some other parody authors to sing some of the parts.
Michael McVey - September 05, 2006 - Report this comment
I had a hard time reconciling the pacing, but I will say "she's big and round". Quite heavy (lol) on the humor. 455 kilos. -- MM
Stuart McArthur - September 06, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC3F) excellent, with some great lines Rick, although in Flora's defence she did pick out the highly visible colour hot pink for her thong, so her intentions were that it BE seen, as opposed to OB-seen - still she's got to see it from our perspective I guess - lol - 555
Adagio - September 07, 2006 - Report this comment
Great visuals, Rick...even if they are gruesome...lol 5's
Agrimorfee - September 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC3) Very good, Rick, especially in ryhme schemes different from the OS.
Red Ant - September 08, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC3F) Wow, what a lackluster comment I left before. Funny stuff, especially "One perched upon her head/Thought he'd found a new land mass" and "Watch out for both her asses".
Matthias - September 09, 2006 - Report this comment
Ew! Gross! Ick! -vomits- Need I say more? But good parody though
Max Power - September 09, 2006 - Report this comment
ABC3F-Fetish
Jeff Reuben - September 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Wasn't sure about this until "Flora's far from skinny". Loved the setup, expecting a funny song about a hot chick in a thong,...then the camera pans out...way out...and you get this gem!
Cat - September 12, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC-F) "A new land mass"...brilliant! This had me laughing out loud.
Rick C - September 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks for your comments, Michael, Stu, Adagio, Agri, Red Ant, Matthias, Max, Jeff and Cat. :-)
Johnny D - September 12, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC) "She is much too hirsute for her suit" ... Hairy Spotter, you Wizard, you!
Kristof Robertson - September 13, 2006 - Report this comment
(ABC3F) See above...really enjoyed revisiting this one

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