While shopping for some blank CDs
At the local Best Buy
I came across a 'Cube display
I had some free time, saw the plumber,
Thought I'd plug in and play
Mmm, so there I was, standing, staring at the action
Fighting Goombas in my anime shirt
When people passed me, they bust out laughing
"He's a sad old fattie, looking so inert!" Oh...

"Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door"
I was checking it out, I was taking a tour, oh ooh whoa
Yeah, "Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door"
It's the best RPG the GCN has in store, oh oh ooh oh
It didn't matter that I looked like a fool
'Cause I was making that paper plane soar
Oh, joy and wonder on my day off from school
With "Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door!"

Mmmm, it's so confusing using skills
In the heat of a battle
Getting timings just right
Oooh, it's so frustrating when you jump
On a monster with spikes
I'm always opting for the Hit Point bonus on level gains
Instead of Strength or Magic, cause I'm always getting hit
If only there were better weapons. Where the heck is the smith?
I'm going crazy, playing...

"Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door"
I was checking it out, I was taking a tour, oh ooh oh
Oh, "Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door"
Beat a big giant squid and made him fall to the floor, oh oh whoa oh
If I could execute more perfect attacks
I'd net more fans, and they'd clap, shout "Encore"
Although they all can tell the pros from the hacks
And my one-hitters left them angry and bored.

(Saxophone solo)

I did not know I would fall (in brawl at hall)
Two spikey balls
Proved my match in a castle's dank room
They took no damage from my plans
And they spelled out my doom...
Next thing I saw: "Game Over!"

"Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door"
I WAS checking it out, I WAS taking a tour, not no more!
Bought some discs and closed "The Thousand-Year Door"
It was clear my technique with the controller was poor, oh whoa ooh oh
My crushing loss to those impervious foes
Made me rethink what my whole life was for.
Maybe I'll get a job? Lose weight? Buy hip clothes?
'Cause I don't want to be alone anymore...