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Song Parodies -> "BCS' Revenge Is Over 9000!"

Original Song Title:

"Under Attack"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

ABBA

Parody Song Title:

"BCS' Revenge Is Over 9000!"

Parody Written by:

Edward Genereux

The Lyrics

From the disco opera "TCU." As I mentioned in the previous parody, the OS is the one that isn't affiliated with, let alone on, Voulez-Vous. Rather, it is a freestanding track found on remasters of ABBA's The Visitors; it was to have been released as part of a follow-up but it was too late; indeed, it was the very last song ABBA sang together--every fan knows they did it in December 1982 on the BBC's Late Late Breakfast Show. As for the present parody, Bowman and Poole, armed with their tools and M-16s, approach the computer itself. Sadly, they don't know that in addition to the speech-recognition, body language/emotion decoding, cultural-appreciation and, of course, bowl manipulation capabilities thereof, the machine can read lips and hear voices from far away. Read on because this parody is, as Vegeta would put it, OVER 9000!
Spoken prelude.
Bowman: Here we are, Frank: BCS 9000.
Poole: I have a bad feeling about this, Dave.
Bowman: Aw, come on! What's a little--wait, do you hear something?
Voice (in a deep bass tone): Hail to the victors...hail to the victors...
Poole: I knew it--this will be where both of us die and maybe countless others!
(As the two draw nearer, it becomes obvious that the voice is emanating from the computer.)
Bowman: Okay, Poole.
Poole: Okay?!? We're going to die...that said, let us fight back!
(Voice slows to an unintelligible drone)
Poole: I guess we can pacify it-- (As they draw even nearer, the computer gives out what turns out to be an FBS fight song, although this is unintelligible at first. It is then joined, one by one, by the other 120 FBS fight songs, at slowly increasing tempo and, with it, increased pitch and volume until the cacophony would make anyone deaf within a matter of nanoseconds. It is advised that the listener wear earplugs, like Bowman and Poole are doing.) Okay, Bowman, draw your gun! Tonight, we dine as martyrs with the angels! Until then, let us fight this monstrosity as a Spartan would!
Bowman: I'm ready when you are, Poole. (Just then, the red camera lens fires a laser at Bowman, piercing his side and injuring him.) Ouch! help me, Poole!
Poole: No soldier is to be left behind, Bowman. First, though, I had better get you to medical help.
As the two charge up the catwalk leading to the computer, it crumbles beneath them. Poole briefly holds off the machine but then loses his balance and a laser zaps him in the crotch, forcing him to fall into the chasm 350 feet below.)
Bowman: Frank--NOOOOO! (As he makes a run for it, three employees in a nearby hibernacula suffocate to death and the music begins as Bowman plunges from the top floor to a soft landfill.)

Stanza I.
Bowman: Don't know what I'll do now, now that Poole is gone.
I thought we had our battle won.
However, Poole has fallen victim; now I guess we were wrong.
BCS 9000: Out of you I have made a fool!

Bowman: I became a fool the day I did accept
The task; I thought I was adept,
But now I know that we were simply inept.
God and His angels have slept!

Refrain.
Under attack! my good coworker,
You were my favourite web-surfer.
None will ever be great like you;
Your own mem'ry will last longer than most should do.
Under attack! my life's in danger;
Though those three others were but strangers,
I believe that I soon will die,
Though in that case, I'll join Frank in eternity.

Stanza II.
This is really turning into blasphemy;
None will stop the enemy,
Though, Poole, I will for what remains of life keep your memory.
BCS 9000: You really should think these things over!

Bowman: I have thought them over and I wish to change
This bowl system that's deranged;
But now my M-16 is helpless 'cos I've moved out of range!

Refrain.
Under attack! I'm now in trouble,
But if I stay, it will be double.
Though I thirst for valour, I do know
That when battles are lost, all the losers must go!
Under attack! for Texas I'm headed;
At TCU, they will have dreaded
The worst-case scenario. Blood's been shed
And now one of our fellowship has fallen dead!

(As Bowman enters the TCU campus, instrumental solo)

Refrain. Edward Genereux (looking out the window)
Under attack! our doom's upon us;
The BCS has once more wronged us.
Nevermore will I sing with joy
'Cos Frank Poole is now dead and our chances destroyed!
Under attack! we all are goners.
The BCS will make us fodder.
Our sad and tragic situation,
It will turn from us to the bowls all of the nation.

(Ad lib and fade)
RIP (Rest in Playoffs) Frank Poole. The next parody describes TCU's preparations for an epic battle against the forces of college football evil.

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