Booger Magnolia, snot protruding
Nose is running and she don't care
Mucus flowing and I can't kiss her
Nose juice sticking to her mustache hair

Goo geyser come on, to the allergist
We can have dry times if you'll abide
You could experience the wonder of med'cine
Flowing and the gushes then can all be denied

Her condition is just dreadful
Though sometimes she can appease
With her nose she can blow big bubbles
But no Kleenex when I sneeze

She comes snifflin' to the groc'ry store
You hear "Clean up on aisle two"
She can't eat when out in public
Waits in the car at barbeques

Well, she can glide on slimy rivers
I slip like a stumblebum when I try
She's allergic to the spring, fall, and winter
She can make gooey any one alive

Booger Magnolia
Nasal stalactites
Wipes with no tissue
Hands are all sticky, I'll give you a handkerchief
Come on honey, come along with me

Her condition is just dreadful
Though sometimes she can appease
A sneeze can deter any thief or salesman but
Glazes her pillow nightly with ease

Sometimes when she's almost drowning
When she sleeps at night face-down
Sometimes when the bed needs drying
I will sneak out and will get out of town
Get out of town

Tissues, Zirtec
Walking on a dry floor
Going where no nose blows
Only wearing clean clothes
Shop without sliding
Running cheering, I'll leave her back there without tissues
Tissues, Zirtec
Tissues, Zirtec
(Fade out)