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Song Parodies -> "Coulter, Ann"

Original Song Title:

"Candyman"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

The Grateful Dead

Parody Song Title:

"Coulter, Ann"

Parody Written by:

Paul Robinson

The Lyrics

Well, I finally got around to writing a piece to this OS, which means I was able to do all 10 songs on the 'Dead's wonderful "American Beauty" album. As an added note I was quite surprised to discover last week that Ann Coulter is, in fact, a Grateful Dead fan...blew me away...for another fact in the same interview I discovered that mind-blowing tidbit she also mentioned that the aforementioned "American Beauty" album was one of the first two albums she ever owned. WOW! That was tough to deal with..."American Beauty" is on my unofficial, personal "Top 10 albums of all-time" list...but from the interview I read I have no reason to doubt that she is indeed a fan and somewhat of an aficianado of the Grateful Dead. Anyway, with that in mind I thought it would be fitting to further tweak Skinny-Ann using an OS off this great album....this bone is for you, Ann...For the "language-concerned" out there, you should note that scarely a single epithet is hurled in this piece, so if you want to find something objectionable you'll have to read it more carefully.
This tall, skinny lady
long, blonde hair a-hangin' down
Offers shrill opinions
Lies and falsehoods do abound
Annoying, raises hackles
That snotty bag of bones
But since "nine-eleven" taken
lots of money home

Book out
right now
From Coulter, Ann
Full of junk
and more lies again
Skinny lady's set
a sad trend
with the hateful words
that she always vends

Man, her crap seems endless
she is just so full of jive
Yeah, when I sat down to pen this
my mind shifted into "Drive"
Her scorn is unrelenting
Her screed seems straight from Hell
TV Set or a Rostrum
She is doing a "Hard Sell"

Book out
so now
here's Coulter, Ann
Smears someone
and calls them a name
"Lib'ral Traitor"
"Our Enemy's Friend"
Seems there is some "bug"
up in Ann's rear-end

[Instrumental break]
[then towards the end of the instrumental break in the section where the OS group softly sings "Ooh's" to the chorus melody]

{Ooh, no truth, from Coulter, Ann}
{Always lies and misrepresents}
{Skinny lady turns truth on end}
[Tortures Reason then beats it to death}

Makes such noise; she rages
She must be sick of mind
Making tons of dollars, oy
her "Faith" is the "Bottom Line"
Ann C. sure sounds bitter
Angrily expounds
She attacked the "Terror Widows" with glee
Man, to me that seems unwound

Big mouth
She spouts
with rancor and
then some more
of the same refrain
Think this lady
should make amends
But the chance of that
seems remote, at best

[sing softly out towards fade]
{Book out}
{She spouts}
{some more lies and}
{still more smears and...}

[Instrumental - sing even more lightly out to end fade]
{Get the hook out}
{For Ann C., man...}

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.8
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

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 2   0
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 3   1
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 4   0
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 5   10
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User Comments

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Lionel Mertens - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
I would never want to be your enemy. 5's
Ravyn Rant - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Please don't stop...555
Paul Robinsonq - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Don't think we'll ever have a problem there, Lionel. Ravyn - glad you like them...I don't plan on doing anymore "Ann" at this time - after all, there are a lot of other 'fish' to fry and blowhards to bash. Don't want to be a 'one-trick pony'. But I DO have some more on the current "Cavalcade of Creeps" lying around the house somewhere. Probably put a few of those into view soon. Thanks!
Johnny D - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
She's got everything incite-ful
She's got everything Rush needs
Takes the wheel when Rush sees double
Pays his tickets when he speeds

( Feel free to use those lines, matey -- HAR !!! )
Paul Robinson - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Funn-knee, JD ~ ~ ~ Thanks!
alvin rhodes - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
great job..the recorded version of yours even better
Paul Robinson - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks, alvin...yeah, I get to include extra things in those that are difficult to translate to the written version...I was putting ALL of the extra stuff in the posted version for a while, but I think some of it was too confusing to reader's who wouldn't be able to hear what it actually sounded like. I still want to clean up that recording a little more, but the one I sent wasn't that bad, actually...now the OTHER one..."Witch"...that needs fixin' ~ ~ ~
Michael Pacholek - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but if Ann really is a Deadhead, then, A, you can de-capitalize the D, and, B, the drugs apparently had the wrong effect. Reminds me of the time a comedian entering middle age saw young people turning to Gingrich and later Bush, and told his peers, "You remember how our parents told us that if we took drugs, our kids would come out messed-up? They were right!"
Paul Robinson - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
Actually, in the interview I read Ann said that although she was a 'Deadhead' she didn't partake of any drugs. And I actually do believe that, too...I mean, she's just a very weird human and/or other type of creature, I think. In the end I really think it's all just about her...the folks she smears...folks who like her crud...none of them really matter...it's just Ann. Everyone else could just as well be some insect waiting for her high heel to crush them, if convenient and profitable.
carol - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
hehe! I've been waiting to see an Ann Coulter bash. 555
MrMacphisto - July 06, 2006 - Report this comment
We should do whatever it takes to defend America.... from Ann Coulter. 5-5-5
Paul Robinson - July 07, 2006 - Report this comment
carol & Macphisto - Thanks! carol - Well then, I should tell you that I had one up yesterday (Wednesday), too. Enjoy ~ ~ ~

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