~ ~ ~ [To Instrumental intro, right up to one beat before regular lyrics start] ~ ~ ~
{Sitting 'round the breakfast table}
{with my 15 year-old teen-age girl}
{things seemed just fine}
{so I will tell you}
{this story now}
{a special tale of mine}

We were sitting 'round
the breakfast table
When my daughter's robe
became undone
Sneaking into view
a shiny object
I said "Tell me, dear,
just what is that thing for?"

"Daddy, don't be dense"
My daughter told me
She looked at me like
I was dumb
"Everyone knows"
she did declare
"It's a nipple-ring"
... I fell out of my chair

"Nipple-ring; oy, daughter
have your common sense you lost?
Where did it go?"

She kind of laughed
"You're so funny, Daddy"
then she pulled on her robe
to hold it closed
she must have known
could not have doubted
This was not the last
she would hear of this

I said, "My dear
please see this my way
A girl your age
should not wear those rings
So I say, "No,
I will not allow
a daughter of mine
to wear a nipple-ring"

"Nipple-rings, my father
are the latest fashion trend
for girls my age
If your silly rule
you make me follow
then boys won't call
I'll end up alone
as an old maid
prob'ly a lesbian
Yeah, I'll end up gay
and living here at home"

[Break up in laughter at start of "doo, doo-doo-doo" section, then -]
{Dear, that's a Hoot...very funny}
{I'm late for work - so I gotta scoot}
{we'll talk tonight, but do me a favor}
{Have a nice day at school}
{and keep that thing out of sight}

[Instrumental lead into "Brokedown Palace"]
[during instrumental bridge - brief spoken Narrative]

{later that evening...sitting around the living room}

Dear, that was so very funny
I have not laughed that hard in quite some time
Yeah, your words made me picture
you are gay! - living at home

Staying home to live with your parents
What a hoot! That's so cute! How hysterical!
Laughed so hard for so long that it hurt my sides
Laughed so hard; you're a card
Man, I lost control

Okie-doke
what a joke
You must think that
I'm a total dope
That I'd buy that BS
and let you wear that
nipple-ring

Daughter pouted at me
"You must really hate me
you did this to keep me
sad and all alone"
"That's not fair" was my reply
"And we both do know it
that dumb drama scene
of your's won't work
my answer's still "No"

Answer's "No"
We both know
that no matter how
you whine and moan
There's no way in Hell
I'll let you wear
that nipple-ring

Ran into her room and wept upon her pillow
She wept on her bed
It was a real big show
"Honey, real good try"
I said to my daughter
Will not change my mind
the answer still is "No"

"Go to Hell"
This she yelled
"I hate you, Dad
so go to Hell"
Man, she sounded bitter
should I reconsider?
Well, let me think...

{I'll give in - Giving in - on this thing}
{"cause after all}
{it is just a ring}
{Giving in - she can wear that ring}
{after all that ring is just a thing}
("cause after all}
{a nipple-ring is}
{just a thing}

~ ~ ~ the end ~ ~ ~